When another person moves towards you, the brain's default response is to move away for safety. Clinginess is invasive, threatening, annoying, suspect and.
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- Dating When You’re Lonely or Feel Time is Running Out
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Is it worth it to you after all the hard work you have been doing to stay NC? Given that you found out via something other than him contacting you about it, you can play dumb about knowing and maybe that would relieve any guilt you may have for not contacting him about it. You may have to consider this question more seriously if he should make contact and try to reach out to you. I understand that at times of real trouble your instinct is to be nice and supportive towards someone who you once cared for a great deal.
Was he always so supportive of you during trying times? Mull it over and if you do, make sure it is for your own reasons and you are emotionally armed to not let it drag you back into the fray. Was the ex there for you when you needed him??
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Why would you contact him? If you were close to the friend then I would be supportive to the family, otherwise I would let it go. Tulipa, I would agree with Gaynor, only if you knew the friend personally enough, then contacting his family would make sense. Unless, by even doing that, that would open a door for your EUM to get his foot back into your life.
You have moved on, things like this happen in life, but, it is not your concern now to be the one he turns to. As Gaynor said, it is probably best to let this go. I do understand your quandry, but, your first instinct was to not contact, yet you came here to get affirmation for what your gut was already telling you. Keep strong and trust your gut. Thank you so much I really appreaciate you answering me..
You are right it took me long enough to end everything and to keep my no contact going. I am going to trust my gut and stay away..
Dating When You’re Lonely or Feel Time is Running Out
I just read a study that says no matter if you try to control carbs or fats the most important thing is watching caloric intake. I got a new exercise tape caled Skinny Bitch…lol These women have a whole line of books, including recipes. So maybe you could try it. These women are hysterical and it makes the workout fun. One other thing, stress can contribute to weight gain. Can Stress Cause Weight Gain? I just wrote a reply to Jean that included a link and it never posted. Are we not allowed to post links?
I identify with so many of the themes on this site. I realize now, in retrospect, that these types were very prevalent in my life, whether as a friend or a lover. They no longer appeal to me in any way. I think the reason these types appealed to me in the first place was that because I was unsure of myself and probably had low self esteem. These pushy types took the work out of the equation of getting to know a new guy for me.
I was so wrong. I know now that they both the friends and the lovers are egotistical, passive aggressive, selfish, immature and insensitive men. But thinking this way, I feel like I would just be going back to my old patterns of trying to get approval from a man based on my looks which has gotten me no where so far! The thought of that makes me want to hide under the covers forever!! The only real ways I could actively look for dates is to join an online dating site, go to singles mixers or ask people to set me up with their single friends.
I have had horrible luck with online dating sites. I feel as if actively engaging in those sites will bring back all the bad feelings from the negative experiences I had. Singles mixers are also not for me. What seems to be working for me is for me to continue living my life. Lately, I feel as if I have been meeting a lot of new people.
I am very active socially and in my profession. I seem to be happiest when I am engaged with life, as opposed to an online dating site or a series of singles mixers. However, I realize that not everyone can be as social as me and so I totally recognize that set-ups, dating sites or organized singles mixers provide the opportunity to meet others. I am a very independent person, and I was raised to solve problems and get things done. I would think that by doing this eventually, mutual attraction with an available man would develop. I feel exactly the same way. Thanks for your insight.
I too find it very difficult to keep my weight down but it has to do with hormonal changes. When I turned 41 that is when I found I was getting more attention from men. I looked young and compared to other woman my age had taken care of myself. Looks do matter most to men initally…At 51 I look young still but when potential dates hear my age, interest drops off, even if they are my own age.
The MM I was involved with for 5 plus years is 10 years younger than me. The right situation can come by but we must not settle, we must stay positive, and not think of it as the end but a new beginning. I still worry about aging….
But I do know this much….. I want a healthy man. The men who chase arm-candy. When I do get my man, it will be a quality man…a healthy man. Someone that fell head over heels with my mistakes, flaws, wrinkles and all. Best wishes for all out there. I understand aging can be quite scary. Getting older and running out of time has not been too much of a concern, okay maybe a little recently and I do understand how it may be for others. However, I am finding that there are many men out there, our age or younger that are nice, decent guys.
Living a healthy lifestyle, eating properly, exercising regularly and getting your own mind right I think will take care of any misconceptions about maturing, love it and embrace it! As Natalie says, you project what you believe about yourself. Dress and present yourself as a person with character, with a respectful and nurturing nature, with respect for yourself and others. Next time you have a chance, visit an old-folks home. Notice the amount of attention spent on drama, on singles functions — on flirting and relationships!
Don’t Fall In Love When You’re Lonely
The first bloom of youth is intended to smooth the way, to make an arranged match bearable or help people deal with a less-than ideal match. Only, we no longer life in a society that demands that particular adaptation. Instead, marketers have grabbed that youthful, sexually enticing image — to sell cars and soap and cosmetics. Well, maybe Vitamin D and Folic Acid. Respect yourself, expect respect, discipline, and honesty from those around you. And best of luck!
NML, I only found this site last week, and everything that has been said about emotionally unavailable men and the women attracted to them applies to me. I am 57 years old and now only just beginning to realise my part in all the relationships I have ever had, and my head is spinning! How could I have been blind for so long? I know I fear being on my own, and especially now, at my age, as I have no family or children.
At the core of this apparently confident outgoing woman is a huge lack of self esteem. The man I am currently dating is a classic EUM! I have decided to do a gradual retreat from him. That was this morning, and was to see if we could meet up today. I do feel very vulnerable and shaky, but this site is giving me a lot of strength, knowing that other women have the same issues with EUMs and arseclowns.
How are you doing this? What are they like? Are they guys with a whole lot of baggage? Well, Im NOT looking and nobody has surfaced yet. Thanks for your support. This site has been an epiphany for me.
I can really relate to so many of these postings on here. Like so many of you, I was always attractive and got a lot of attention, although I never thought I was attractive until I look back in retrospect. Men I work with treat me with indifference and even I heard make fun of me. Earlier today I thought that I have always placed so much emphasis on my looks, that now I feel I have nothing left and am alone. I have been really feeling afraid for the first time in my life.
I think your thoughts are common in middle aged single women, but as I age I see that substance is so much more important than looks.
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The name you have chosen to use here speaks volumes to me, It reminds me of a journey many of us in this situation find the need to take. Its the journey of our heart, and I needed to go within and learn to know and love myself. This journey was also the way I got over the fear of being alone, that you describe,.
10 Tips for Dating With Depression - Health
Maybe like me, learning to love yourself, to be content and relaxed within, you will not be afraid to be alone and you will really know what love of self feels like is, and also what you need and expect from another. For me, it is absolutely better to be alone than living with the unsatisfying soul sucking drama of an EUM. I realized my patterns a few years ago. When I would press to define the relationship I was thinking too much, being too demanding or needy. No I was just asking if this is a perpetual weekend relationship or is something more solid coming down the pike.
Once I realized my part in it, it really saddened and depressed me a while. Once I got over to the other side, I felt like a new person. Ladies, I hear you on the age thing. When a man now asks me how old I am and most men are too polite to ask you that I tell him over OMG, I really thought that most people were over it. Age has nothing to do with it. Your weight has nothing to do with it. Yeah, the body says 30 my foot, but my attitude will not change. I am not sitting around bemoaning the fact that my youth is behind me. I am young at heart and nothing that anyone else says will change that.
Have you ever had a friend who you just thought they were the best, and you never really thought they were ugly? Then one day, you sit down and really LOOK at their physical appearance and realize that they really are not good looking. It is their attitude that drew you in to begin with, and it is their attitude that draws other people to them.
If looks are the only thing that all men are drawn to, then they are WAY too shallow for me. Please, give yourselves a break. You do, and so will others. Should I make a move on my distant guy? Comments Nicely done NML. You Need a Kiss! FinallyOverIt, I can say an Amen to what you wrote. NML, your words are so powerful and so helpful…. Are we all disillusioned? Is it a sign of the times? Who raised the assclowns? Just food for thought, yes?
I just read this quote a couple of days ago and it fits perfectly: Sorry this is so long, I really felt the need to let it out today! Because no technology can replace the warmth that comes from connecting to people face to face. How does texting or even talking on the phone with one of your girlfriends compare to sitting down to chat with her over coffee or a good glass of wine? Sure, phone and video calls are better than nothing.
But that cozy feeling of sharing a space and conversation with other like-minded people? Once a year we host a Love Breakthrough Weekend to give women the opportunity to work with us live and in person. This program is so transformative that women fly in from all over the world to be there. They often sign up because they are ready to be with their soulmate—and they leave not only feeling empowered but also having developed friendships with other loving, like-minded women. And yes, it really is every bit as amazing as it sounds!
As we have discovered over the years, the most effective learning happens in a community environment. Not only does socializing at live events boost feel-good hormones in the body, it leads to breakthroughs faster than online and distance learning. Meeting new people as you learn something new is a dynamic one-two punch that really makes a difference! And you know what that means, right? The opposite of action is sitting at home swiping through Tinder, Bumble, or Match.
Instead, get out into the world and start connecting with great people in person. This directly affects your ability to connect to men. Get outside and get rid of those lonely feelings! Remember, your soulmate might already be out in the world looking for you. Now get out there and connect!
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And we hope to see your beautiful face in-person at our upcoming Love Breakthrough Weekend! Leave this field empty. Wow, this all makes sense to me….
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And where do you go? It truly re- centers me. I am now enrolled in the Quantum Leap to Love courses and feel so energized by it. Thank you Johnny and Lara for your help and guidance. Everything you have said has hit a nerve within me, and I feel like I am making great strides forward towards the life of my dreams. I only wish I had learned all this good stuff sooner. Jaye, oh my gosh a walk along the beach sounds absolutely delightful right now! We are so happy to read that you are finding our courses to be energizing! I try to do one hour of meditation every morning.
The ancestral conditioning first class was amazing. I listened twice and still processing it in midst of inheritance battle.