Unlike Japan, California is a true melting pot of cultures but since I had so little dating experience back home, I was nervous about getting into the dating scene .
Table of contents
- Dating Differences Between America and Japan
- Tips To Guaranteeing That Second Date
- The Shocking Truth About Dating in Japan as a Foreigner
- TOKYO (1 a.m.)
Dating Differences Between America and Japan
On arrival found out all the women working there were Chinese. Her massage was really great…. I do massage for family and friends, and when I got a massage that is crap, it is quite frustrating. Out of the blue she said that the guys in the US were bigger than the Chinese guys. It seemed to me she had done a lot of massages and seen a lot of Chinese and US guys. You are so right! I remember your blog from a few years ago.
I used to read it a lot, but then just lost sight of it! Thinking back, I think you might be onto something with foreign women having an interest in language and culture and that being a requisite for a relationship with Japanese guys. Mind, most of my acquaintances and friends that got married to a Japanese party have studied Japanese studies, so there you go.
But more women got married to Japanese men than men married to Japanese women, hmm…. Most of that is in the lewd category though, i. Dating in any culture is interesting but then to thrown in cross-cultural dating with all the hidden agendas is a complicated load to deal with. What seems to be missing is a true connection and intimacy. So I guess the lesson is not to settle in life. By the way, I enjoy reading your insightful postings. At least I hope the humor is intentional.
I look forward to reading more! Talking about relationships, no matter if cross-cultural or not, is always complicated as each is very unique and has its own story. So the mistakes are not intentional, but the humor is! Lots of foreign guys end up with really average and below average Japanese women after being in the bars every night of the week looking. Guys with skills will do better elsewhere. The men who stay all end up getting married, right? The reality is, hooking up with Japanese chicks is a ton of work.
Can you do it if you stay out late every night? But you can do that anywhere. What you said makes perfect sense to me. If you are a western guy with decent social skills, you might do better elsewhere. Having said this, if you are willing to put effort into understanding the culture, nothing will stop you from dating Japanese girls. When I first came to Japan I thought the western men had it easy, too. Have flocks of women come to them without lifting a finger! In contrast, western women have to put in a ton of effort just to get a guy to respond back to a text message.
But then, after living in Japan and later China for a long time, I started to spend more time with your average Japanese woman at the office. I also started to see what kind of Japanese women my western-man-friends were typically dating. At first, I was jealous because Japanese women are nice, polite, absolutely adorable—basically, something I could not compete with.
I realized that like in most countries, probably finding a decent Japanese woman is hard. Someone who is not only cute, but honest and interesting and looking for companionship is especially hard to find in Japan. While it may be nice to get some girls at the bar, I think western men must find it hard to find a Japanese woman that they would actually want to have a long-term relationship with unless all they cared about was having a chick that looks hot.
As for us women: It sucks that we have to put in way more effort than we should to get a man. In the USA, I walk into a bar and usually by the end of the night I guarantee a few guys will approach me. In Japan, this hardly ever happens. But who knows, maybe all that hard work and effort into getting a man helps us get a higher quality partner in the long run. But to be honest, I thought a majority of Japanese men were quite strange so I eventually gave up on trying to find a Japanese boyfriend. And I have to disagree with foreign women speaking better Japanese than men.
I also want to say that I love the photos on your website! Keep up the good work: Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! While reading I felt like standing up and screaming: Being so fake, putting tons of make-up in their faces and speaking like cute little anime characters is certainly not something most sane guys are looking for.
B-b-b-but men should approach me! Japanese girls are so boring and uninteresting! Cry me a river sweet-heart. I thought I had it easy in America, but when I went to Japan just for a week it was like playing life on beginner mode. I consider myself a reasonably attractive guy fit, confident, etc. Women approach me in bars, come up to me to dance at clubs, and I do well for myself on Okcupid and Tinder.
But nothing prepared me for how overtly forward Japanese women can be with their attraction. Being groped at clubs, girls giggling around me, and being eye fucked like no tomorrow on the train. I actually met a beautiful Japanese girl in Shibuya. We spent most of the week together before I left. She has already spent some time with me in America. But what she lacks in that department, she makes up for being a surprisingly kind and gentle person.
She absolutely loves animals and she is an extremely affectionate person. One aspect of this article that has been counterintuitive to my experience dating a Japanese girl is the concept of an allowance. When I was in Japan, this girl paid for all my meals, despite offering to pay for the meal, or at least my own.
She never tries to tell me how to spend my money and when she came to America to visit she literally gave me all her money to hold on to for her. She always tries to carry my belongings.
Tips To Guaranteeing That Second Date
If I have a bag with me, she absolutely has to carry it for me and refuses to listen to my objections. She always tries to clean my room and I have to tell her not to. I actually have some Japanese friends through work that grew up in Japan. I can understand the appeal Japan has for foreign men. The women in Japan are incredibly thin and take awesome care of themselves. Well, it pays off. According to my Japanese friends in America, there is virtually no hook-up culture in Japan.
See that attractive girl walking down the street in New York City? It is definitely interesting to read your point of view. I think that a lot of the stereotypes are just that, and may not reflect as much reality as we perceive. Oh, it certainly does not, but you would have to write a whole book about it if you want to cover it all! After all each one is unqiue.
The Shocking Truth About Dating in Japan as a Foreigner
I seriously doubt that you will find a really interesting girl in a bar. These are found by accident, at work, in a university, etc. French, Spanish and Italian men behave quite differently from Northern Europeans. They are also very different from Americans. I would assume South Americans are similar to southern Europeans, being influenced by Hispanic culture. European women are not so aggressive as Americans. I could go on. Simone, I agree with you. This was my long winded way of saying that those different people will have a different experience in Japan.
I work with some guys who have been in Japan as long as me, or who have been married around the same time, and their Japanese is basic at best. There are a lot of people like that everywhere it seems. Do they like feeling helpless? What happens if they lose their partner or get divorced?
- TOKYO (11 p.m.)!
- The Japanese and love — more complicated than you think.
- Love In Japan: 6 Do's and Don'ts On Your First Date - Savvy Tokyo.
- Dating and Marriage in Japan.
Here again you cannot generalize! I have traveled in Japan several times with a British company, InsideJapan Tours, and all the guides were British or Americans and fluent in Japanese [plus they read and wrote it]. That was true also of their one French guide [who was married to a Japanese woman met abroad].
I stayed in Singapore for 9 years and dating there was impossible. Like so many other Western men in Japan, I soon discovered that at the age of 25 I was dating a drop-dead gorgeous Japanese girl of such loveliness that I had to pinch myself to believe she could be interested in my shabbily dressed self. Having endured undergraduate years in England where I was barely able to find a girlfriend of any description, this sudden transformation of fortunes should perhaps have been enough to have immediately made me seal the deal with the heavenly Japanese girlfriend, who was only too keen to settle down together.
TOKYO (1 a.m.)
But somehow I dithered, feeling correctly that my romantic career was only just beginning. There were several reasons why I started losing interest in dating Japanese women, but the main one was my deepening involvement with Japanese culture.
By then I felt quite comfortable — indeed, slightly bored — in an exclusively Japanese world. I was spending all week in university libraries, taxing my brain, reading Japanese books. I wanted to head off to the bars and clubs of downtown Osaka and hang out with exciting girls from all over the world. And there were so many of them! My feisty Korean girlfriend was a constant source of cultural bewilderment to me, exploding into a fury if I did not fulfill her strange demands — she once took off a stiletto and hurled it across a train station foyer at me — and yet suddenly switched to mawkish tenderness.
After all the excitement of these girlfriends, my periodic return to the arms of Japanese girlfriends seemed like interludes of Zen-like stillness. And yet pursuing a relationship with someone from another East Asian country was never really an option — I was too devoted to my studies in Japan to have time for another major cultural commitment. I found my New World girlfriends exciting and stimulating and yet never mentally tiring or a distracting cultural commitment. I enjoyed halcyon years of flying home to the U. The New World girlfriend, I concluded, was the perfect match for me.
I found that the nationality of the girl I was dating greatly affected my mental mood and how I thought about things. Japanese girlfriends, for example, were nearly always quite keen on the idea of moving back to the U. But I, in contrast, was always keen to remain firmly established in Japan.
On the other hand, when I returned to the U. But my romantic wanderings, modest as they were, eventually reached a conclusion when I met my Australian girl in Osaka. A sizable part of her appeal — her openness, fun, lack of airs and inhibitions — lies in the Australian inside her calling out to me.
I wanted to have a separate life in Britain that was unconnected to Japan — I wanted to be in control of my relationship with Japan, to stop and start it as I pleased. I was, I liked to tell myself, a citizen of the world, not a slave and spokesman of Japanese culture.
In my Australian partner, I have connected to worlds I would have never otherwise have known, of school years in the beating heat and sun-burned earth of provincial New South Wales. On a daily basis I find something expansive and liberating about living in the same house as someone brought up on a continent on the other side of the world so climactically different to my own soggy island of Britain. And yet, crucially also, this is a relationship that allows me to pursue, without distraction, a great passion of my life: My Australian alliance is not a rejection of Japan; rather, it is that which daily enables me to devote much of my energy, without flagging or a feeling of oppression, towards Japan.
It is ironic for me — lover of an Australian woman — that I constantly feel lukewarm about traveling to Australia itself, a country I often prefer in fond imagination than long-haul, sweltering reality. I can appreciate the year-old zeitgeist of the Summer of Love, although Woodstock happened before I was born. And while having many years ago retired from dating Japanese women, my love affair with Japan grows stronger every year. Foreign Agenda is a forum for opinion on issues related to life in Japan.