Why Newly Sober Alcoholics and Addicts Shouldn't Date for a Year. Recovery, not romance Woman looking at the New York City skyline.
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- How to Date a Recovered Alcoholic
- Being in a Relationship With Someone in Recovery - The Recovery Village
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Additionally, it is a period when sober skill building occurs, which both solidifies sobriety and allows the individual to gain skills to apply in relationships going forward.
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If a newly sober person does get into a relationship too soon after getting sober, the concern is two-fold. Without more adaptive coping skills, the individual may reenact the negative patterns of former relationships that either occurred or led to alcohol. Also, the risk of relapse may be heightened by the emotional aspects of coping with a relationship, and the demands it may make. Whether or not someone chooses to avoid relationships for a period of time in early sobriety or not, certain aspects of dating a recovering alcoholic remain.
It loosens us up. It releases endorphins, making us feel confident, good-looking, and hilarious. We have to feel all those feelings without liquid courage. And herein lies the crux in some ways, of dating and socializing in a drinking culture. Wine with dinner seems like the civilized thing to do. Meeting for a drink at the bar after work or on a Friday night is seen as a great way to relax and unwind with friends. Meeting for drinks seems like the most common first date. Unlike illicit drugs, which are illegal in most of the world, drinking is often seen as harmless and socially acceptable — but alcohol is anything but harmless.
That cost comes primarily from excessive drinking — bingeing on four or more drinks per evening, or drinking heavily all week long. Though the amount of alcohol consumed and the circumstances for example, in Italy, alcohol is imbibed most often along with food , it is clear that in most countries, alcohol plays a role in daily life.
How to Date a Recovered Alcoholic
That was one of many red flags she managed to raise during our brief interactions. I think I could do it. Alcohol is something I could give up pretty easily. I would admittedly be very cautious going forward though. Building trust and all that would probably take longer than it would with a non-addict, but being forward about one's struggles with addiction does a lot to restore some of the trust that would otherwise be lost by hiding that addiction.
Being in a Relationship With Someone in Recovery - The Recovery Village
I don't drink very often so on that front it wouldn't be an issue but when she tells me and how stable she is will be a factor. If she says she's a recovering alcoholic on the first date then I'll be turned off by the over sharing and if she has a falling out on our second date then you can understand why I would want to cut that drama from my life. With that said, there's no greater turn off for me than alcohol. I hate what it does to people when they let it get out of control and it's something I can't stand to be around.
I would, being at that stage shows admirable willpower, and a person's mental health shouldn't be considered 'part of who they are'. Not a big deal to me. While I do drink, that's not an important part of my life and I'd have no problem avoiding it to be supportive of a partner. I couldn't do it, largely because I cannot stomach the sanctimonious AA crap that seems to permeate the lives of anyone who describes themselves as a 'recovering alcoholic'.
I like to drink but not alone. I like going out drinking with friends and would obviously want to bring girlfriend out to the bar. I wouldn't want to be there drinking while she wasn't. At three years sober, it seems less like a "recovering alcoholic" and more like "recovered alcoholic. I think you misunderstand the aesthetic from which the reforming alcoholics come from. Its such a cliche, but haven't you seen a movie that features AA where the leader says something about how no one ever completely recovers?
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So practically speaking, yeah, you are probably right. But that is not how someone like OP or OP's prospective relationship is going to view themselves. I wouldn't, but not because I'm judging you on your past. Simply because I enjoy drinking. Beer is a reasonably large part of my life, which would make us incompatible. It means that people start drinking for a reason and that an alcoholic can be living sober, but still not have dealt with the personal demons that drove them to drink. Dating such a person means that sooner or later you will have to deal with those unvanquished personal demons.
As far as I'm aware she has dealt with the issues that made her dependant on alcohol which is why she's been successful in staying sober. I don't need to learn shit, I have been around people using just about every substance out there since I was a teenager. That is an incredibly stupid statement. You obviously know very little about addiction if your impression is that "It's just a lack of self control.
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Again, just one viewpoint. I'm way cool around alcohol. This one is vital for any relationship in which one person is in recovery and the other is not.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is sober, take the time to have a conversation with them about how your own drinking may or may not affect them. Some people in recovery are OK being around alcohol , while for others it is too tempting. This can depend on a number of factors, including how long your partner has been sober and how confident they are in their sobriety. Some people in recovery can handle themselves perfectly well around alcohol and may be hurt if they are not invited places simply because alcohol will be present.
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This assumption can be incredibly hurtful when coming from you, their partner. It really just depends on the person. When you are in a relationship with a person, you have a right to try and understand them to the best of your ability. But more often than not, they will probably be happy you asked because it reflects the fact that you care and are trying your best to understand them and their lifestyle. Asking questions will help you gain a better understanding of your partner and likely make future discussions easier.