Jan 2, Unless you're incredibly lucky and/or have magical powers, finding someone you actually like enough to hang out with (and sleep with).
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Have a good night everyone. You are so young. Do you ever think it's worth seeing someone about? You are traumatised by it, too, and it sounds like you bore some weird misdirected guilt from it also. It's a framework within which I have indeed made progress, although I don't necessarily attribute the progress with being in therapy. It does help to some degree, but it is what you make it; you have to be willing to put in the energy to change in order for therapy to be effective.
Welcome to Reddit,
It took me years to get to a point where I even wanted to change, and I'm only now realizing that it's in fact even possible to change For a long time I didn't think anything would, but it is, very very slowly. I'd like to know, I feel like that I'm on that path at the moment. I used to be so positive, especially when it came to relationships, but now I feel like I should close off more. I don't want to go through, what I just went through, any time soon. It's like my outlook is fundamentally changing and it's twisting me as a person. Closing off, at least in the way that I have, in its own weird way feels worse than experiencing the hurt that caused it.
I just wish I should change, but try as I might, I can't force myself to love people. I'm just hard on myself. I've been knocked down a lot, this time I'm just taking a little longer to get back on my feet. I want to do it faster than I am, but I guess I can't rush healing. I just don't want it to change who I am. I guess I feel like I have to protect myself from being open because that's what caused me to be where I am now. I keep seeing this phrase "keep texting at a 1: Means that if I text her once, I wait for a response before sending something else. I text once, she texts back, I text once, she texts back, etc.
If I have to wait for a response, so be it - I'd rather have a few hours of silence than be the one to send a million messages and only get a few responses. Generally speaking you want to keep the ratio at an even 1: It's a couple flavors of bullshit, actually. I text a hell of a lot more than the people I date, probably like a 2 to 1 ratio. And smart people can usually tell that the only thing keeping you from being socially awkward as fuck is your "rules.
Hey, not to be a dick, but I don't think you're right about the "you're probably being creepy" statement - not only is "creepy" a very subjective term that everyone has their own personal definition for, but living within some general guidelines with the knowledge that they are indeed guidelines and not absolute rules isn't at all a bad thing.
Also for the record: Every single social interaction produces inherently different results, and everyone's interpretation of social interaction is inherently different. Not a good feeling. You have to understand that people think differently and rationalize the world in sometimes completely different ways - think inductive vs. There are those that are good at improvising, feeling a vibe, and adapting well to different situations - artists, creative types, generally.
Then there are those who do have rules, live by systems and categorize things and work from that - doctors, military, pilots, etc. Obviously people are at different points on that spectrum. I'm not a list-maker. I am merely acting as a SJW for the oppressed list makers of this world. When I first start seeing her on the exclusive level I want to see her like 5 times a week, or even every day for at least a little bit.
I'm in a new relationship right now I've never really been in one before and we see eachother days a week. It makes me sad it would trail off. Why would it do that? Less than I want, but hopefully that will change once she's done with school. We haven't been together too long, and we only get to see each other once every weeks at this point. We were seeing each other every few days at first, but she's busy with school and other things so it's dropped off quite a bit.
She's worth it, and I trust her, I know that once she has the time I'll get to see her more. Most weekends, unless one of us is working. Typically times a week, unless one of us is working late or out of town. Basically, we just assume that our social calendar is filled with each other, and let one another know when that's not the case. I like a lot of space to do other stuff. At "seeing" I don't need to see him every single day without fail or I'd likely be living with him. I try for about once a day for a few hours on end, and I like to sleep over her house on weekends.
Before we got married it was probably x a week. That's all I've known in relationships Ideally for me it would be like once every few weeks. Although, I don't want any more commitment than that. I really don't want to be in a relationship. He texts me a lot, and is usually the first to text me in the morning he seems to text me as soon as he wakes up , but he's far more into communicating with me by text and email than he is actually hanging out with me.
Could be he's just busy, or he likes his space early on in a relationship. I make sure to tell women whom I date that I'm not looking to be in a committed relationship. They don't always believe me though. My SO and I communicated like this for about a month before we became a couple. Granted, we had vaguely known each other for about 2 years before we began communicating regularly.
So after a while of texting, we stepped it up to a phone call every few days. Once we got comfortable speaking to each other, he'd see me once a week before we got all committed and stuff: Now and we call each other all the time, text occasionally, and see each other times a week. Its a strictly sexual thing.
She lives 4 blocks from me - we rarely talk between hookups. Its just about perfect. I drive us to work, and then we come home. We haven't vacationed apart. Longest amount of time in recent memory was for a month on a job assignment, and probably 4 days coming at the end of May. In previous relationships, some were daily we were in college and it was easy to visit one another to biweekly or even monthly we lived half an hour apart and I think we both knew, consciously or subconsciously, that it wasn't going to last.
I make it a thing to have one date night a week. My last girlfriend and I worked at the same place so we saw each other frequently. It took about three and a half weeks before we decided to be official mainly because of the school semester just ending , but I feel that is a good time frame to go with in the beginning.
He doesn't ever try to arrange hangouts with you? You don't have a desire to see him more than once a week? Sounds like y'all should just be friends. I really care about him and hope it develops into something more, but I'd rather spend like a whole day and evening together once a week than see him every day for little bits of time. Also I'm pretty introverted so for me seeing someone once a week seems like a lot. With my previous SO it had been once a week for about 6 hours on average. It was a pretty big weight on both of us.
We've been "seeing each other" for a few years now. I still only see her once or twice a week. It works for me. We generally spend most of the weekend together, and then at least once during the week. If I could, I would make it every day. We go to the same school and walk to classes together. If we can't hang out, hang out, he stops by the library for 20 minutes just to chat.
I just started dating my current gf 3 weeks ago. We probably saw each other 5 times a week because none of us have a job and both have a ton of free time. I live with my SO, but I'm in school full time and we both work 40 hours a week. When we're not at work and school though, we're usually joined at the hip. We were friends before we started dating, so our friend groups are nearly identical. When I was dating my now wife, we'd see each other about three times a week, sometimes a bit more but I don't remember it being less.
- What is the ‘Once-a-Week-Rule’ in New Relationships? - Health.
- How the 'Once-a-Week Rule' Can Make a New Relationship Stronger.
- Explore Health.
I worked, she did the single mum thing, so there wasn't as much time available as we would have liked. My SO m is a senior in high school, while I [f] am doing my first year of college at the local community college in the same town. I think before when we went to the same school together, we use to plan more things because we saw each other every day.
At that time we would hang out times a week. Now, I'm lucky to even get a text message every other day. He used to be able to go like 5 days without talking to me he is very much the introvert.
So now I see him once a week. He isn't the typical guy but it just bums me out that he hardly talks to me through out the week. Let me add that we never have phone conversations. It frustrates me and I have brought it up with him, and he has improved instead of 5 days without talking, it's more like 2. I don't know what more to say to him about. Anyway, during the first nine months, we saw each other about times a week outside of school. After almost a year and a half, it has decreased.
We saw each other as often as we could. Often, he would stay over at ny house till 3am most nights. I've got a purely sex-based friendship going with a dude that I see every couple of months. On my side I'm hoping it develops into something more, or something more frequent at least, but I might be fooling myself.
The only girl I 'see' read: Only because of long work hours and living opposite ends in NYC 1 hour train. Hopefully more when summed hits and work hours are less. I see her nearly every day, only rarely do we not see each other, or at least spend time with each other. Sometimes we get off work at pretty opposite times, but she still crawls into bed with me or vice versa.
Oh, much of the day. I might add that we're still in the "honeymoon" phase of our relationship. I suspect that will go down once the newness wears off. It doesn't help that we go to college together and have the same group of friends. Between my school schedule and work I don't really have much free opportunities, and I like to at least have some alone-time to do some things by myself.
Not sure there'd be a correct answer on this, as long as you feel good about it. Discuss it with your dude? For me and my current girlfriend?
Obligatory "if you know what I mean". She sets the rhythm. Yep I do, in a healthy relationship it's never one party that "dictates pace" or "sets the rhythm" - it's both parties communicating openly that dictates how the relationship works. A one-sided relationship is not "understanding the finer points". If your current SO puts you in a position where she sets the rules and your opinion doesn't matter How is that a good thing?
If you're putting yourself in a position where you're devaluing your own opinion because of how she feels IMO find someone else, man - someone who treats you right. Your position is not the right one to be in, even if you see it as such. I'm not in a relationship. Dating is a negotiation between two parties who are trying to get their needs met. But I stand by what I said - dating, by definition unless we're talking one night stands, in which case this is a whole other ballgame means you're trying to see if you can establish a relationship with this person.
Are we seeing eye to eye about that one? If so, I see what you mean about not wanting to come across as desperate, but how the hell is it in your favor to let her dictate the pace? If I'm wrong about that, clarify it, because that's how your comment came across. If I'm correct about that I still don't see how that's a good thing. If you're dating someone You're trying to see if a relationship will work And you're letting her wear the pants all the time How does this math work again?
Both of you have to wear grown-up pants and establish that your opinion matters - otherwise the relationship is inherently unbalanced from the start, and that's not a good position to be in. Saw her three times last week.
How often do you see the person you are 'seeing'? : AskMen
Anyone is allowed to ask and answer questions. Do not insult or troll people, including in PMs. The title of your post must contain your actual, concise question. Cue the montage of the two of you laughing, holding hands, and riding a tandem bicycle. Of course, in real life, lasting relationships tend to develop a bit less cinematically. But Seth Meyers, Psy. Is the once-a-week rule right for you? Chamin Ajjan, a clinical social worker and therapist in Brooklyn, agrees.
Many of us have gone on a date and felt an instant connection. But really figuring out whether someone is a good match is a long and gradual process. Why should romantic partners be any different?