Alongside the internet dating revolution, these “playfairs” are evidence that have traditionally resisted the notion of adultery most rigorously.
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- The recipe for happiness? An enduring marriage and an affair with lots of sex
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They assume that if they can be more alluring to potential matches, their dating opportunities will then increase. This way of thinking often extend to users believing that it's not a big deal to be identified as single when in fact they are separated, or even going as far as not revealing that they are a parent when they have children at home.
The potential risks of these exaggerations and omissions are serious when the person filling out an online dating profile dishonestly also happens to be married, separated or going through a divorce or child custody case. What may seem like simple exaggerations at the time can be used as evidence against their own trustworthiness and commitment to their children. Worse yet, the person responding to a post on a dating site may be dragged into the deceiver's divorce as an innocent witness to the deceiver's character and possibly adulterous behavior.
Sixty-four percent of respondents have seen evidence taken specifically from Match.
The recipe for happiness? An enduring marriage and an affair with lots of sex
This is one of the many reasons I have always strongly advised clients to stay off dating websites until the divorce is concluded. Volunteering personal information about yourself online during one of the most emotionally vulnerable periods of your life is just not a good idea and can have serious and unintended consequences. Of course, this always leads to an overall discussion on the general issues of traditional dating during a separation or divorce process.
It's one thing to tell your spouse that you don't want to be married anymore, it's another thing to openly demonstrate it and flaunt a new relationship in front of him or her. This can create an incredible amount of hostility. In addition to the anger and resentment that this can provoke, many people are not aware of the other reaction that can ensue.
To onlookers it might be the classic opening scene of a traditional romance. Yet both parties are married to other people, whom they have no intention of leaving. Although they will go on to enjoy all the spoils of a relationship, from intimate phone calls to Christmas shopping trips and, of course, regular sex, this is understood from the outset. As dating websites open up a global shop window of sexual possibilities, as life expectancy continues to rise and we become increasingly sexually aware, how can we still take the crushing old rules of fidelity, that turn marriage into a prison, for granted?
Why should we not be able to recapture the heady thrills of youth, while protecting a secure home life? The time has come, alongside the technology, to redraw the rules of marriage for the 21st century. Just as the Pill opened up premarital sex in the Sixties, the internet is opening up a whole new culture of affairs among married people.
Sex has become a major leisure activity of our time, accessible to everyone, married or not, rich and poor. Yet it is the most puritanical nations, including Britain and America, that have traditionally resisted the notion of adultery most rigorously. Ditch the lady weights and hit the iron.
Divorce And Online Dating: A Match Made In Court?
The internet doesn't improve adultery. Good marriage and puppy secret to long life. Why the Germans are far-sighted, Italians impatient and French depressive - according to studies. And they do so at a cost. Statistics confirm that British and American divorce rates are among the highest in the world. Around half of American first marriages end in divorce, closely followed by a third of first British marriages, floundering under unrealistic pressures, often celibate marital beds and drastic overreactions to infidelities.
Divorce And Online Dating: A Match Made In Court? | HuffPost Life
I have always been baffled by the sour and rigid English view of affairs. Marital love and passion only rarely provide an equally rich source of the exalted feelings, transports of delight and misery associated with love and romance. Affairs are about excitement, being alive, seduction, flirtation, love, affection, sexual bliss, lust, caution, eroticism, fantasy, danger, adventure, exploration and the determined refusal to grow old gracefully.
There is also evidence that the more permissive the attitudes of a country, the longer marriages last. In France an affair is dubbed an aventure, free of insinuations of betrayal. It is estimated that a quarter of men and women are enjoying casual flings and affairs at any one time. In Japan a tradition of geishas has evolved into a modern society where sex is seen as a pleasure to be enjoyed. Japanese pornography is consumed openly, by women as well as men, on the metro and in other public places.
Sex is everywhere and it is also clearly separated from marriage. Meanwhile, Nordic countries are already way ahead of the game. These range from affairs between work colleagues lasting years to holiday flings lasting a few days. Almost half of Finnish men and almost one third of Finnish women have had at least one significant parallel relationship. Yet marriage is a protected and respected institution in these countries, where families can function and flourish without compromise.
If the internet offers a direct line to affairs, with a proliferation of websites for adults seeking a sexual partner outside of their marriage, it is worth remembering that our richer ancestors practised their own privileged version. Emperors cavorted with courtesans, kings chose their wives for political manoeuvres and their mistresses for company, the aristocracy married for money and took lovers for pleasure.
Inevitably there is the morality question. Even as religion has lost its influence, Britain has remained coy about openly embracing sex for pleasure, stubbornly conflating sexuality with procreation.
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There is also the army of therapists and counsellors who continue to pedal their own secret agenda of enforced exclusive monogamy. This killjoy attitude frames affairs as deviant escapism and fantasies without merit for people who have failed to grow up. Counsellors form a kind of emotional and intellectual police intent on keeping the door to infidelity locked. Meanwhile, British feminists have already missed the chance to find a new kind of modern sexual morality appropriate to the 21st century.
In practice, Anglo-Saxon feminism never liberated itself from the Puritan morality that downplays or rejects all forms of pleasure as sinful. But sex is no more a moral issue than eating a good meal. The fact that we eat most meals at home with spouses and partners does not preclude eating out in restaurants to sample different cuisines and ambiences, with friends or colleagues.
Anyone rejecting a fresh approach to marriage and adultery, with a new set of rules to go with it, fails to recognise the benefits of a revitalised sex life outside the home. Already two American economists, David Blanchflower and Andrew Oswald, have attempted to measure happiness through sexual fulfilment in monetary terms. It is also a handsome sum when you consider how much longer people are living.
In pre-industrial Britain marriages only lasted about 20 years, due to early death. Today, marriages can last 40 to 60 years.