After evaluating all of the pros and cons, the real question isn't whether you should date a recovering addict, but whether the person has the qualities you want in.
Table of contents
- 10 Signs of Cocaine Use - Are you Dating a Drug Addict?
- You are here
- 5 Things I Wish I Did When Dating an Addict
Because stimulants help people stay awake, alert, energized, and on guard, think of this like having an adrenaline rush when you feel frightened. For someone dealing with uncomfortable symptoms of anxiety and PTSD , it makes sense that they would select a drug that would help them stay awake and alert while also providing them with a boost of happiness as the user usually attempts to mask their painful or disturbing triggers.
Triggers can range from early childhood trauma or attachment based issues, to isolated or recurring traumatic incidents that happened during adulthood. You may notice jumpy, agitated, and paranoid behavior during their drug use and while sober. You may also see attempts at self soothing behaviors such as nail biting, hair twirling, pressured speaking , and smoking.
Using cocaine can lead to feelings of euphoria or intense happiness, which many users find appealing. Cocaine and crack intensify the effects of dopamine in the brain, which leads to this feeling called a rush. Once the person stops using the drug, the rush will end, and the person may crash or come down, which for some can lead to symptoms of depression that can last for months depending on how heavy their usage was. Some people will also experience suicidal ideations with or without attempts.
Your friend or loved one may become more irritable and more easily angered after prolonged crack use. These periods of anger, sandwiched between periods of euphoria, can make it very difficult to know what to expect with your loved one. The irritability and anger are effects of the cocaine on the brain and can increase in intensity as the person needs to use larger amounts of the drug to get the same type of high. You may also notice your friend thinks that someone is out to get them or reacts to things that are not there.
This may come in the form of auditory or visual hallucinations. You may feel confused by this behavior as it can be difficult and scary to witness. Prolonged use or high doses of crack can lead to paranoia or even full-blown psychosis , although this is not the norm. Crack use often lowers inhibitions and may cause your friend to become more sexually aggressive with more frequent users engaging in riskier sexual behaviors, especially amongst women.
While high, your loved one may be more likely to have sex with more than one person and also may be less likely to use protection. Getting fixes of crack cost money and to get more, your loved one may be willing to have sex with many people for money. This behavior can increase the risk of getting a sexually transmitted infection or getting pregnant. Prolonged crack use corresponds to an increase in violent behavior. For some, their motivation may be related to the need to earn money to fund their drug use.
In a study of crack users, around 97 percent admitted to getting involved in violent situations. These situations included verbal and physical arguments, death threats, stealing and drug trafficking. You may notice your loved one starting arguments, obtaining stolen items and sustaining more injuries from fights. Aside from behavioral symptoms, you may also notice physical symptoms. Keep in mind the amount of crack used will have an impact on how severe these symptoms present.
Using cocaine enhances the activity of several neurotransmitters in the brain including serotonin, dopamine , and norepinephrine; the enhanced actions of norepinephrine can cause the pupil to dilate. Normally, the pupils, which are the dark part in the center of the iris, are around four millimeters in size. If a person frequently has pupils that are eight millimeters or more in size even in brightly lit rooms, it is possible that drug use may be involved. Cocaine and crack stimulate the central nervous system , which can unfortunately lead to strokes, central nervous system damage, convulsions, and heart problems over time.
And idk what to do anymore. Jennifer A, You are not a fool. You love an addict and this cycle is par for the course, so to speak. But you are right in that this should stop and you need help more than anything. Stay in therapy, change does not happen overnight. It takes time, it took me 12 years, 1 child, and marriage before I was able to leave.
But once I really was done I started to change myself and never looked back. Keep reading, go to support groups and do not give up. My book, Hope Street, is my memoir on being in love with an addict. Every experience is different but inherently the same.
I hope my articles here and my book help to empower you, that is the sole purpose I write. Best, Amanda Andruzzi, published author Hope Street, a memoir on co-addiction. I am very clean, I have never smoked a cigarette let alone anything else, but I grew up with an alcoholic mother and a drug deal for a father so this situation is not entirely foreign to me.
The difference now is that this person is someone who I not only chose to be with, but I in fact long to be with. She is only 21 years old and I have so much hope for her. She has been clean while at school here in Boston but soon she is returning home to Los Angeles and has been very honest and open about her fear of returning to using once she gets home. I have tried to be a support system throughout our time together, but I am deeply afraid of losing her to addiction and I am unsure of what to say or do?
I have tried to let her know that no matter what I will be there as someone to talk to because even if we cannot make the relationship work I do not want her to poison and harm herself anymore. Robert, I apologize for not responding sooner as sometimes I do not receive alerts to posts. You sound like an amazing young man who has had many challenges in life and must have been through a rough time growing up with the instability that addiction brings. I want to tell you that you can help her and that you can make her feel good enough about herself not to abuse drugs but unfortunately that is not the way this works.
Addiction is stronger than anything you can imagine and it sounds like you know that firsthand growing up with an addicted parent. The only advice I can give you is to let the relationship go until such time she is really in recovery. You may be enabling the addict because if she feels she cannot be clean at home, then she may only be staying clean for you or around you and that usually does not last forever.
It is like a ticking time bomb and it is hard to trust someone or be in a relationship with someone who could use at any minute. Do you think part of the reason you may be attracted to this person might be because you understand addiction and it is familiar to you? Sometimes we recreate our relationships with our parents and try to fix them through our partners. Sometimes we choose what is familiar to us without really realizing it.
I am sure she is a beautiful person but she really needs to get help and be in a place of recovery before you should move on with her. That does not mean that you cannot be there for her as a sounding board, a friend and a support.
10 Signs of Cocaine Use - Are you Dating a Drug Addict?
You sound like a responsible person who has fallen for a woman who really needs you but you must really look at this and realize if this is good for you, especially for your future. I hope this helps. I would recommend reading my other articles here, there is a lot of information for you that may help you understand addiction and co-addiction.
Feel free to keep posting, I will be happy to listen. Best, Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict. My boyfriend is a heroin user he injects it. My ex is from Peru and the boys live with him in his country. He filed for divorce but He never served me. I became homeless and went to live in a shelter.
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My boyfriend sounded like he lived a good life before His addiction took over. He grew up in a tight knit Christian family. Two semesters away from graduating college, he took a job with Charles Schwab as a series 3 stock broker and made a lot of money doing it. Him and his wife and daughter moved to Orlando in an expensive condo. He was in a wheelchair for a year and his doctor put him on Oxycotin. He took them as prescribed but He then learn what his pills were worth on the street and began doctor shopping to sell his Rxs.
He got caught with some guys were the Feds were watching and got charged with 3 felonies and was sentenced to 74 months in federal prison. This is where He got introduced to powder heroin and where he learned how to inject. His wife left him and took their daughter back to NY. She refuses to allow contact between him and his daughter even today. When he got out he moved in with his parents, went through many programs and relapsed every time. His brother sent him to a rehab in Cali where we are now but left the program.
He became homeless and went to the shelter where I was at. We first met at a park through mutual friends. He was clean at the time. The sparks that flew between us was incredible. I was really impressed. He was smart, intellectual, articulate, funny, witty, and very handsome and still is. I was very naive and never had addiction issues or been in trouble with the law. He liked that about me. And he did everything to keep my innocence but also taught me about a part of the world that I never knew.
It was to keep me safe and alive in a dangerous place. We started dating and we became inseparable. When I went to live with my godmother who did her part in getting my kids taken earlier He would come over on weekends. That was when he relapsed. He was even honest about it. We had to hustle money to live and to keep up his heroin habit. He had an application for temporary and permanent housing that he got through the mental health program. They paid for us to stay in a motel until permanent housing went through. We were there for a month and a half. But we got denied housing so his case worker re-did the application.
We could have gotten jobs then but we had our hope high on getting housing and we just pissed that time away. We went bouncing place to place. We got approved for permanent housing but are waiting for details from housing. His dope use has gone down a lot. He was going to a methadone clinic but stopped going 2 weeks ago and keeps putting it off to call to see when he can come back.
Cigarettes are my only vice. When he does get a job, he goes to work but then quits the next day as a no call no show. He always knows how to make me laugh when him sad. He tells me to never give up on getting them back. He wants to have kids with me. I know that if I leave him, I can take care of myself and do what I need to do to better my life. But my love for him always holds me back. I love him so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I know He does too. Andrea, Thank you for sharing your story.
This is a very deep story with a lot of twists and turns, but what I can take out of this is that you are a person trying to get your life back together and regardless of how much you love your partner, he is and addict. There is nothing to be confused about and there is nothing I can tell you that will help you, help him. He HAS to help himself and by being with him, you are enabling his addiction.
Now, I was with an addict for 12 years so I know exactly how you feel and what you are struggling with internally. If you leave you lose him what is left of him anyway and if you leave he may get clean and move on and be happy. Addiction is not personal, what he is doing is all part of addiction and unfortunately he will not stop for you, he will stop when it is his time, when he is ready.
But staying with him will only hinder your growth and your ability to move on with your life, be happy and reconnect with your children. I know it is hard to accept that he is not the person you think he is but he is not, he is an addict and his drug comes first, before you, before his child and before your dreams and aspirations. If you have not had relations in six months and all he does is sleep and use, what do you think the future will be for you both.
He has to be serious about stopping and getting help because he has to understand why he cannot stop and get to the bottom of the path that led him here. Please keep reading other articles here that will help you understand your feelings and try and work through them. If you want more, you have to change because you cannot sit around and wait for him to change and by staying with him, in his state, you are enabling him and telling him that it is okay to use with you.
My book Hope Street, is my memoir about the last year of our marriage. For myself, but mostly for my child, I had no choice but to leave. I hope you find strength and know that you can make it out there on your own and find happiness with yourself. This is not the life you want and you deserve so much more. I am here to help. Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from a co-addict. I thought nothing of it. I just am looking for some kind of advice, i feel like as i watch him ruin his life im choosing to let my own life be ruined.
Katy, Thank you for sharing your story. If you feel like watching him destroy his life is ruining yours, then that is what is happening. It is almost impossible to watch someone abuse drugs and practically perish as a person and not ourselves live in agony beside them. I have been exactly where you are and that is why I now write this blog and wrote my memoir, Hope Street. I wanted to help other woman and partners of addicts to get strong and be able to move on with their lives despite what the addict is doing.
The pain you are going through is indescribable, I know, but we have to face the fact that there is nothing more we can do to help the addict, it is not our job or our responsibility to change another person or heal them. If he has not stopped for you or for your daughter, then what will make him stop? If you stay, it is like saying it is okay for him to use, you will be with him regardless, but if you leave you can do a few things; show him his addiction is not acceptable to you or for your child, allow him to deal with himself and not be distracted or enabled and most importantly, allow you to move on with your life and have a chance to find peace and be happy.
I was a mother of a small daughter when I had no choice but to leave. It was scary and painful but watching my daughter have to see her father through his addiction was not something I wanted for her. In fact it was not something I wanted for me either. You have to make a choice, make a plan and then do it, step-by-step, and that is where I can help you and that is why all of my articles are here in this blog. Please click on my name next to my picture at the top and all of my articles will appear.
Read them, they will help you figure out what is going on and help you work through your fears and feelings. Hope Street is a great resource as well, it is a very real and raw journal of my feelings and my own troubles of living with an addict as they were spiraling out of control.
Do not give up on you, you are a mother and you need to be strong for your daughter. I dedicated my book to my daughter, because it was through her eyes, I was able to see that I had no choice but to let my husband alone and move on with our lives. Keep me posted, I am here to help.
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Reading this broke my heart because I see myself in every position and in every scenario. I just moved in with my partner, already knowing she had an addiction. She was sober for a few months and things were looking great until a month ago. I fell in love with the mask she put on and now I feel pathetically trapped.
Thank you for sharing with us here. You cannot compete for the affections of a drug. The drug will always win. This is not a situation where you can have a relationship with this person. A person addicted to drugs can not be a partner. I was in a relationship with an addict for 12 years and we had a child. No amount of love, begging, crying, negotiating, or support would make him stop using and stop the lying.
There is hope for you. I would keep reading about addiction and what addicts do and deal with as well as co-addiction so you can understand what you are dealing with. Knowing more will help you make some decisions. My book, Hope Street, is my memoir of my time with an addict. It may be helpful for you to understand you are not alone. Support from a community group or your local al-anon may also help you now. Keep reading my other articles here, there are many more that will help you learn your part in this. Click on my name at the top of the article and all of them will come up.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict view the video trailer: Amanda, I appreciate your advice very much and it is not my intention to sound ungrateful, but I think I might need to be a little more specific. But if opiates was not your drug of choice back then, what I can tell you about opiate withdrawals, from what I have witnessed is, imagine the worst flu you have ever had and multiply it by 10 and the only thing that will get rid of the sick is the drug that got you there in the 1st place. He is thoroughly disgusted with this and does want to stop.
I can see it in his eyes every time he pushes a shot. He has been trying to make it easier on him for when he does eventually go to rehab. Nowadays, his shots are no more than 30 units, sometimes The color is still kinda dark but you can still see through the needle. He is actively looking for a low-cost rehab program. My fiance is not your average heroin addict.
Those kind make him sick because if someone was willing to pay for his rehab, he would take that offer in a heartbeat. I think the reason why I choose to stay with him is because I see the slightest glimmer of hope for him and I know that I am the only support system he has. He could never do this alone nor would he want to. I was abused as a child, my 1st husband the father of my boys was abusive which is why I left him, and I lost both of my boys just 3 months apart from each other. And when that happened, I think I just lost it. And my fiance has assured me that I have every ounce of his support.
He believes that depression is situational. Do you have a stable job? Do you have your own place to live? Will the boys have their own bedroom? Do you have enough food in the house to last you for at least a month? Do you have money in your bank account? Are you caught up with your bills? What are you doing about your mental health issues? Are you in therapy? Are you taking your meds? And is your home a safe environment for the boys? If I were to stand before a judge right now, begging for my kids back, he or she will laugh in my face and call for the next case.
As much as an abusive piece of my husband is and as much as I want bury him alive for what he has done to me, he has never laid a hand on my boys and I am able to sleep at night knowing that their basic needs are being taken care of in ways that I cannot at least right now. I would like to think that I am doing something semi-decent for my boys by not dragging them along with me in my struggle to survive. It would not be fair to those boys and I think that it would be selfish of me to try and get them back now when I can barely take care of myself. My fiance goes to this mental health clinic for depression and anxiety.
They have lots of resources there that helps people with mental health issues or are physically disabled and are homeless. They help them get health coverage, food stamps, emergency housing motel vouchers and permanent housing. His worker is helping us get an apartment through their housing program. They pay for everything for 6 months, sometimes a year depending on circumstances. And by that time we should be stable enough as to where we can afford to stay there and who knows, maybe even get a 2 bedroom apartment. Right now things are starting to look up for a change and we can both see that little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.
I pray for my fiance every day and he prays for himself every day too. He had just been let out of prison, struggling with an addiction, lost his wife, daughter, and a 6 figure a year job and his family turn their backs on him and was now homeless with nothing to his name.
I had just lost both of my boys, my youngest was just 6 weeks old when he was ripped from my arms and my oldest was only 3 years old I was 7 months pregnant with my youngest when I had to leave him with their father in a foreign country because his dad found a way to stop me from taking him back home where he belonged.
I was psychologically abused and betrayed by people who I thought I could trust with my life. And I was homeless and all I wanted to do at that point in my life was to eat a bullet and end all of my pain. We both see something in each other that others fail to see. With all of the things that have transpired over the past month, the future is looking a little bit brighter. Let me clarify, I am not, nor ever have been an addict. I do not use any drugs and never have.
I was married to an addict though, for 12 years, so I use the term co-addict to explain that although I did not use drugs, I was codependent on an addict. However, there is no excuse for not getting help, you do not need money to get help. If your boyfriend has nothing and his veins are in disrepair, he can check himself into a hospital and they will detox him and give him emergency medicaid and if he has no home, they will keep him until they find him a rehab which emergency medicaid will pay for.
If he does accrue some bills, which he should not, he can pay them later, after he is better. I think he needs care immediately and should get help. I think you have so many issues that you have to deal with and I was not recommending you even try to get your kids back until you are in a good place but pulling the weight of an addict cannot be something that is lightening your load. You have a lot on your plate but if you feel like things are getting better, then this is a good thing. I would recommend therapy and do not give up on school until you are finished.
You will get there. Amanda Andruzzi, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of a co-addict view the video trailer: I have been in a off again, on again relationship for the past 10yrs. All are problems are due to his drug addiction and all the things that come along with it. He just recently admitted to his problem and went for help. He has been home for 4 months and has used twice that I know of.
He has been more open about his childhood and past mistakes that he regrets. Even more involved with our son. Yet we keep going back to square one. I feel so lost. I have been focusing on myself alot more. Sheena, You are starting to learn a very valuable lesson, this is something he needs to do on his own. He has to want the help and since you have tried to help and this has gotten you nowhere, you are starting to realize that you need to focus on yourself. You need to take care of yourself and your child.
These are all of the the things that people who love addicts do not do. We focus our love, time and attention on trying to help the addict and when they fail, like you said, we are back to square one emotionally. We invest our love and our emotions and just when we think things might be safe or on the right road, an addict can take that all away in a heartbeat.
This is why it is so important for you to focus on you and he on him so that if there is a way for him to stay sober, it will be something his actions prove. I would keep reading about addiction and co-addiction. My book, Hope Street, is my memoir of my 12 year relationship with an addict, through marriage and one child. It will also be a great read for you to start understanding more about this addictive cycle, your emotions, and to find hope. Best, Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict view the video book trailer: My be and I have been together for almost 5 years.
I found out last year hed been on meth and hiding it. Of course I found evidence and asked constantly in the beginning, but he said that habit was all in the past. Last year I found a pipe in his truck and confronted him. He promised to get clean and not do it. Well here I am about a year later, I foi evidence in his truck last week. He also had been acting different. I asked him again but he did not admitting anything, I even expressed my promise to help him in need.
So he finally admitted it yesterday. He said yeah I was working a lot, and in order to finish things he used meth to help him. How could he think I would want to marry him now? How come I want to stay? Mari P, I really want to tell you it will all be okay. I wa t to tell you that you can help him but you cannot. I was married to an addict for 12 years and we had a child. I wrote my book, Hope Street, and this blog to help others who are in love with an addict to help you feel u see stood and to give you hope.
I suggest understanding more about addiction so you do not take his lies personally and understand the manipulation. You also need to understand co-addiction and your part in this. Cohen confronted an addict will retreat, lie, and make empty promises. I would click on my name here and read the other article that can help you. Keep educating yourself and get help for you. I have written so much for you to have the resources you need to get help, use them. Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict View the video book trailer http: Hi Amanda, I started dating this amazing guy approximately 3 years ago.
We had discussed that one time in his past many years ago he had become addicted to Oxy. From what I was told, he was crushing and snorting them and he eventually kicked the habit himself. This November, I found out he had started to inject opiates. He told me it was cheaper to buy the pills to inject than snort. I was obviously devastated. I decided to take a break form him but over the course of the break we had several talks.
I was trying to understand it all and he told me he loved me and would quit for me. I came home from the holidays and trusted him. So we started hanging out again and I was starting to see the shady behaviour and getting suspicous. One day in Feb I caught him injecting in the kitchen. We both had breakdowns and he again promised he would get help and quit. He started going to meetings and I started to see the man I met come back to life. He started hobbies like gardening and jogging and we were talking about moving in together and our future. Well, this past weekend I found a syringe in his bag and confronted him.
To which he told me he slipped up 2 weeks ago. He said it was just once. My trust in him is next to none. But I still absolutely love him with all my heart and when he is sober, he is great. Hes a normal guy. Has a great family. Why does he do this to himself? I love him with all my heart and he loves me too.
You are here
At the same time, i have certain desires I want in my life for me and I feel like I deserve better. I guess, one — if he is slipping up every so often, is he a true addict? I guess I just need some general advice. Erika, It sounds like there is more than meets the eye here. It is extremely difficult to inject heroin, stop and be just fine.
An addict will lie and not tell you the whole truth so I would be weary of the fact that these are just short episodes. With that being said, you should understand that this can be a lifelong struggle for you and you should know that going in. You will never trust him, unless he is really in recovery and doing the right thing and you know it, and even then it is hard to trust. I was in love and married to an addict for 12 years and we had a child. There is hope and that is what this site is about, that is what my book is about.
Hope Street is my memoir of living with and loving and addict. My general advice would be to learn more about addiction, about addicts, and about co-addiction, so you can at least make some educated decisions. I briefly dated a guy that told me he was on oxycodone and while I liked him, I knew that dealing with a drug addiction was WAYYY beyond what I wanted and what I could deal with.
I told him that he needed to get help first and get clean and then we could start talking again. What happens if one day we have a family and he ODs and leaves me a single mother who has to provide for the kids? I walk if I know a man smokes cigarettes or does drugs. Just not willing to put up with that. I was engaged to the love of my life when he got caught by an undercover cop selling ridalin.
They arrested him but since it was a first time offense they cut him a deal and told him that in exchange for jail time he could serve as a confidential informant. He cooperated and helped get a few guys arrested and the cops eventually just disappeared and left him alone. When this happened I immediately broke off the engagement. Almost a whole year later we are now back together and everything has been amazing until today.
He was in an appointment and I was waiting for him in his car,. I found a new empty needle case between the console and my seat.. I was devastated and terrified, my head is still spinning. He has been seeing an addiction Specialist and called her tonight to let her know he relapsed. I asked him to take a drug test just bc I wanted to confirm for real that it was oxy. He took it and complied without any issues. I told him that we should go to couples counseling bc I just am really hurt by his lying. Not so good either. I really really love him.
Am I doing the right thing here? He does it by himself, at home. If I quit my job, I am still able to live, we have enough saved. It is just temporary until he recovers. My other option is to leave him forever. I am sick of all the lies he tells me, all the promises, all the apologies. I can see it through him everytime he lies. HE even swore on our relationship if he ever touches again, we will break up forever. We have separated several times because of this… but I feel like I need to break the pattern in order for him to recover, by leaving him forever…. Nettie, Try a local support group at a community center, google support online and also al-anon is a great resource.
If you need to take the focus off of him and want to focus on you, then I would also look into finding a therapist that specializes in helping the families of addiction. Start here, check out the rest of the articles I have written here. Holly, You have a great attitude about this and I hope more people think before they get involved. Kristen, You have every right to be frustrated and devastated. I would recommend getting some help for you.
I have been right where you are, with an addict for 12 years, married for 6 and we had a child. I write these articles and blog to help other women and to let them know there is hope. Hope Street is my memoir of my experience with an addict. I would recommend reading the other articles I have written here, click on my name at the top and they will all come up. I hope you find the answers you are looking for but understand that addicts lie and this is part of the addictive cycle.
You need to know more so you do not continue the cycle or enable his addiction. Confused, Do not give up your life or your job. You cannot watch an addict clean. You cannot fix or help cure and addict and by watching him you are only going to end up hurting yourself. There is hope and that is why I write these articles and spend a great deal of time helping others with what I have learned being married to an addict.
If you can pick up Hope Street, it is my memoir of my life married to an addict. Wow where so I begin. We will be married five years in two weeks and we have two beautiful children together. Five days ago I got a call from a man telling me my husband had an affair with his girlfriend. When I first asked him about it he denied and then the truth all started to come out.
My husband had been addicted to drugs for at least a year and I had no clue. During his addiction he became paranoid working out of town thinking I was cheating on him so started an emotional affair. Everyone he felt guilt he took more drugs and as he took more drugs he continued the affair.
He knew what he was doing was wrong so he ended it but he took more drugs. I was completely oblivious to everything he was taking mdma and cocaine on a regular basis. I can forgive him and will stay with him if he can stay clean. I will have a hard time trusting him again but I love home more than anyone could imagine. Am I being dilusional thinking he could actually stay clean for himself, our kids, and me.
Confused, You are in a tough position. I know, I have been there. Sometimes things get rough but that does not mean that you give up on the person you love. However, you have to create some boundaries and decide when enough is enough. He needs to be aware of what you need from him and if he does not do those things then you need to stick to what you said and not back down.
Unfortunately, I think it is not in his or your best interest for him to do this alone. Addicts need a lot more than will power and usually can stop for periods of time their will is strong but end up back where they started if they do not get the right help and if they do not stop because they decided they needed to. I hope you read the other articles here, click on Amanda Andruzzi and all of the other articles will come up. I lived with and married an addict, we had one child and were together for 12 years. You are not alone in your feelings. A few years ago a good friend of mine died in a car accident and I went into a drug abuse outpatient program and started going to meetings as well as individual therapy.
Things were ok and I had been sober for 6 months although it was only from drinking I was still using cocaine and other substances here and there. A man I have known since kindergarten asked me to hangout after seeing me on match. Well on that first date I drank almost a bottle of Jameson and we talked about how we both liked to party and got some dope. I had blown it before a few times and we split a bag and I ended up nodding out while driving and he had to pick me up and get in the drivers side and take us home.
I had been warned about him by a friend who told me she thought we would be trouble for eachother. We had no money. We looked awful and I was constantly sick. Not only were we doing dope all the time we also were shooting crack, coke, speed and ketamine though we only did that once.
5 Things I Wish I Did When Dating an Addict
We started dating in June and got engaged in september. By October we were both in a detox program which we stayed in for two weeks. Within a week of being home we were shooting it everyday again. I wish I could say it was terrible but honestly we had a lot of fun. We would stay up and talk all night and lay under the stars and he knew everything about me and he would open up to me as well. He told me things noone knew about him and I understood why he did drugs there was so much pain in his past.
Regardless of what I imagined would turn into this fantasy life for the two of us thats not what happened. We ended up moving in together and most of the time I was the only one working. I started to question how someone could love me if they introduced me to the needle like that.
He would often tell me he was sorry for ruining my life but I always believed him when he told me he loved me. I thought he was my soulmate and together our love would overcome everything together. I started taking his ring off all the time and eventually moved out and got my own place.
I ended up calling him out and he punched me in the jaw and starting trying to choke me so I left. He called me every nasty name he could think of that night. So now I have left a man who did nothing but use and manipulate me and yet I blindly stood by him, enabled him and defended him. I stopped talking to friends and family for a man who dropped me as soon as I stopped buying drugs. As awful as he was to me I still worry and cry over him all the time. Maybe you or someone else on here have some words of wisdom or can relate.
Maybe this will help you walk away from someone when it seems like doing so will kill you. My husband and I have been together for 12 years. Im 28 and he is 30, When we were younger we both usesd to do drugs but as soon as i graduated I stopped and thought he did too. We have 2 beautiful girls, he has a great job and we have a beautiful home. Just a few months ago I learned that he was been a drug addict this whole time. I started noticing sores on his face and arms, he wasnt eating or sleeping ever. Everytime i talk about it he gets very angry then tells me he was a addictive personality and he can not help doing drugs.
His work environment is the reason why he does it so much, he cant say no. I been fighting depression and Im very short tempered with my kids and that is not fair to them. Im scared if I leave him he will get worse, lose his job, or even overdose. I dont know what to do! I love him so much and dont want to be without him but I dont know if i can continue to live the way I am.
He is usually not mean unless he is coming off it and gets aggravated. He misses one day a week at work because he crashes cause hes been up for 3 days. So i am afraid he will lose his job because of it which he says it doesnt affect any part of his life. How can drugs not affect your life. I am torn and hurting please help me. Being away from him will not kill you but shooting crack and heroine will. Please try not to take the focus off of you and put it on him. Right now, you need to worry about getting into a real recovery program, getting clean and then getting help for your mind and your body so that you do not feel compelled to use again.
You may have serious underlying issues, like you mentioned in the beginning of your writing and you must address this so that you are not using drugs to deal with things. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have recently left a 4 year relationship with a functioning addict. I knew he had addictions in his past when I met him, but I instantly fell head over heals in love, I had never felt anything like that up to that point in my life. He was handsome, charistmatic, romantic, sweet…everything I ever wanted. All of the stages in the above blog, I totally went through.
It was heartbreaking to actually move out, I felt like dieing, I would lie in bed for hours, crying in my new little apt that I absolutely hated while he continued to do drugs in what used to be our home. It was the worst experience of grief I have ever gone through.. But I do feel like if i had never been down this dark road with my addict, maybe I would never have learned these things about my self finally, and work on fixing them. Again I loved your book Amanda, it gave me hope as I was going through my darkest times. It was sometimes a tough read as I felt like I was reading my own story, but somehow it helped me through that really difficult period of loss, I would recommend anyone with an addict in their lives read this book.
I am in love with a cocaine addict. I cry some times and i still look for the hand of God tho deliver him believing that he will be my husband. Jill, You are amazing and keep going in the direction you are headed. You are in a much better place and I want you to run with it. Negative thoughts may always come up to try to pull you back in but now is the time to be happy and positive and move on.
Thank you so much for your comments. Please keep me posted. Tiffany, That is his journey and you must take your journey. You cannot be with an addict and have a fulfilling relationship. You should focus on you and try to get yourself in a good place. Being positive and learning about why this is happening to you is work you need to do. Start by getting some support, church, al-anon, therapy and friends and family.
Amanda, There is hope. You have a beautiful life ahead of you. I was exactly where you are and I decided to make a change. PLease pick up my book, Hope Street, it is my memoir of my 12 year struggle married to an addict with our child. I want you to feel you are not alone and see firsthand that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Amanda Andruzzi, published author, Hope Street, a memoir from the wife of an addict. View the video trailer https: It started out great. Then I slowly learned he was a heroin addict. Im only 18 years old and he is Hes been very open too open with his drugs. I think he thought that if he was open abput the drugs then it would make it okay. My friend and family tried to pull me out of it but I thought I could help him. He is very controlling and manipulative.
I left him for a couple weeks then decided to come back. Im going crazy not knowing what to believe. Hes still borrowing money from people but telling me its for other things. Tammy, Please seek help and support. This is not a good situation for your health. At 18 you should be having very different issues and what you are facing is not your addiction.
He needs to deal with himself and you cannot fix him. Please pick up my book, Hope Street. I was 19 when I met my 23 year old addict boyfriend. This is my memoir of 12 years living with addiction. It will help you. We tried to outsource an instructor and we could not find one, however, we had this issue last year and I asked we take surf out and only do SUP. Please refund them or if they decide to do SUP we can accommodate them. Amanda Andruzzi, Hope Street http: It always seems as one evil goes away there is another coming in, for him ad the drugs leave the alcohol comes.
He has defiantly come aong way over the last year. He is in a clinic he goes tondaily, has his licence back, and a full time job. However, he has started drinking…my family has taken notice to the behavior and personality changes. My mom pretty much yelled at me telling me I need to leave him, sell my home and move back home with her. My dad keeps telling me I can do better. I know deep down I was raised better than this, but why is it so hard to overcome?
I love him very much, but he loves me, only me and does not want anything to do with my friends or family. Everyone seems to hate him. I am 24 years old and a college student. My bf is 24 years old, and a heroin addict. We have been together for 2. He would stay out late every night, nod out once he came home, he never put money into the house and we were ultimately evicted.
He went into rehab for the first time February of this year and he completed a 30 day program. He relapsed soon after discharge. He submitted himself for detox 2 weeks ago after totaling my car. He said he noticed and accepted that his life was unmanageable while using H. I had never heard him talk the way in which he did this time around so I felt this was it! I found the paraphernalia which ofcourse he denied denied denied. He is so manipulating. I felt we had made a breakthrough this time around. Do you think we have? Do you think this was just a hiccup?
Do you think he needs inpatient treatment? Also, I feel that marijuana use this past week led to him using. He insisted that smoking marijuana would have no effect on his sobriety from H however as soon as he began using marijuana, 3 days later he uses H. I deserve so much better. This article hit home. It is as if you are talking about my life. I went through each of it and continue to allow it. Because I am in love with the man behind the drug.
I want him back. Just like you mention in this article, I catch glimpses of that man. I put up with the bull shit relapse, lies and drama just to be around for the glimpses. He is my best friend. My partner in crime. My best lover, my best love. I can not bring myself to leave…. He is currently in a rehabilitation program. Not his first time around and it might not be his last. Sounds crazy, i know. In case you all are wondering. I am not a drug user. Come this Saturday it will be our 3 year anniversary. When I firsted started dating him I need I noticed that he drank a lot and he done pills and smoked pot.
Eventually we rented our first house together with one of his friends it was horriable he changed so much starting smoking crack and doing pills just getting into trouble. I literally gave up a good life to be with him I dropped out of high school my parents took my new car back cause I left with him so we moved in with my sister and he ended up going to jail and I sold all my expensive stuff to bail him out..
We eventually got a 1 bedroom apartment which was even more horriable our neighbors partied a lot so we did to we starting doing coke together and pills and drinking. Then he started doing illegal stuff … And we go off and smoke crack the 2nd place I moved to was when I realized that he was smoking that and.. He ended up cheating on me.. And I stayed cause I loved him.. My boyfriend that I love with all my heart has walked out on me left me crying, sick, and worried.
He ended up get fired from 2 jobs, sold our car and blew the money we got evicted from our apartment we lost everything to his addiction. But its so hard too believe because he lives with a guy that does drugs. My question is should I just stop worrying and believe him???? Sarah, J, Rebecca and Khloe, Please first understand that an addict will lie and manipulate you with not recourse.
They do whatever they need to in order to keep you and keep using. Once you realize that you will know that words mean nothing. Khloe, if your boyfriend is living with an addict and your gut believes he is probably using, he is.