The problem is not that boys and girls do not want love to lead to marriage. . Living a life yoked together on the same life path, spouses need skills for talking.
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- How a dating app is saving my marriage
It was just one of the things. They too were looking for amicable companionship. Sex was a byproduct, if things went beyond the confines of the app. The protocol was simple. If we connected and felt that the other was not a freak, we moved to another chat interface, outside the app. This is because a dating app, which invariably has more men than women, can be distracting for a woman user.
You are bombarded with messages every mini-second. If a conversation is going well, you want to take it away from all that.
Just easy, breezy flirting, on an anonymous chat window. Mind you, not WhatsApp. That is considered the next level. Then I began to look forward to pillow talk. It is like the exhilarating rush of a first crush. Something that was completely absent in the customary two-minute conversations with my spouse about lunch, what the kid did in school, how we had to finish our pending errands over the weekend and other such exhilarating themes.
As I got hooked to the app, over a year, I met a total of eight, whom I call good men, in person, over drinks and dinner. This happened only after our comfort levels with each other had grown. At such meetings at a pub or a restaurant, our conversations veered towards morality, marriage and the mundane. They told me of other women they had met through the app. Housewives, head honchos of corporate houses, entrepreneurs, marathon runners, et al.
They were all using Gleeden. As I listened, the reality began to dawn on me. How a couple in a marriage — through years of love, conflict, comfort, raising children and wanting different things from life — begin to stop seeing each other. This, I realised, was normal and happened to everyone. Many refuse to acknowledge it because we are raised to believe in the happily ever after. It was like looking at a mirror of sorts.
What the men were complaining of their wives, maybe I was doing the same to my spouse? Maybe he was lonelier in our marriage but had found a different way to cope with it, by drowning himself in work? Eventually, I did get involved with someone, taking it beyond just dinner and drinks. I call him my FILF. We try to keep it simple. Be an emotional anchor to each other. Offer sex to each other when we can. But after a decade of being married I know that the fundamental problems between my husband and I will never fade.
Instead of fretting over it, I have chosen to accept the imperfectness of it all.
In return, I have decided to keep the count of happiness for myself constant. Because that was making me a better spouse, instead of a grouchy one.
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I can now laugh at our fights with someone else. In a society where extramarital affairs are a taboo, I see the generation of Baby Boomers, xennials and millennials like me realising the futility of the forever. For now, I feel like I was saved from drowning in despair. My selfworth and chutzpah are back. My spouse is surprised at the amount of humour I am bringing to the dinner table.
The opinions expressed in this column are that of the writer. The facts and opinions expressed here do not reflect the views of www. Want stories like this in your inbox? What do you look for in a girlfriend or a boyfriend?
Daily Marriage Tip
What do you think most people talk about when dating? What do you think of people who get divorced? Would you ever consider getting divorced? What do you think of same-sex marriages? What do you think of single mothers? What is a wedding ceremony like in your country? What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?
What kind of boy or girl do you like? What kind of clothes do you wear on a date? What kind of man do you want as a husband? What kind of person do you want to get married to? What kind of woman do you want as a wife? What makes a happy marriage? What do you think are some things that contribute to a successful marriage? What qualities are important to you in a boyfriend or girlfriend?
What qualities in a partner are important to you? What was the most boring date you've ever been on? What was the most interesting date you've ever been on? What would you consider "the perfect date" for you? What would you do if your soon to be mother-in-law seems to hate you? What would your parents think if you don't get married? When did your parents get married? Where do you want to go for your honeymoon? Where did you go for your honeymoon? Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? Where is a good pace to go on a date in this town? Where would you like to go on a date? Which is more important for you, your job or your marriage?
Why do people break up with their partners? Will you continue working after you get married? Would you date someone you really liked if your parents did not like him or her?
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Would you ever marry someone who has been divorced twice? Would you introduce your date to your family? Would you live with your parents after you get married? Would you marry someone from another country? Would you marry someone ten years older than you? How about ten years younger than you? Would you marry someone that your parents didn't like? Would you marry someone who couldn't speak the same language as you speak?
Would you mind if your boyfriend or girlfriend went out to party without you? Would you prefer to go out with a quiet or a talkative person? At what age do you think that dating should begin? Do you think there is any age when a person is too old to date? Do you know a happily married couple? Can you name a famous happily married couple?
gleeden: How a dating app is saving my marriage - The Economic Times
What do you think is the most important ingredient in a good marriage? How long is the marriage ceremony in your country? Who designed the marriage covenant? What do you think about dating a friend's ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend? Does your first love still hold a special place in your heart? Do you believe that he or she will always have a special place in your heart? What qualities do you look in your partner? Do you think its possible to wait for the man or woman you love while he or she is in jail? What is your definition of love? Would you wait on a person you were dating for a long time if they joined the army?
How about if they went to prison? What is the best season to get married? Do you know anybody who has two families at the same time and supports them both? How many families can you have in your country? Are there any superstitions on making someone fall in love with you? Have you heard of any successful "love potions? Do you know of any superstitions connected with weddings?
Would it be important for you to have a "white wedding dress'?
Can you control your partner by playing games? Why do you think the bride's maids wear white. When should you introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to your parents? When you begin dating After you have been together for a while Only when the relationship is serious? Do you like to have boy friend or girl friend in your school or in your classes? Do you think it is right to continue seeing a person if he has not introduced you to his family yet?
In your opinion is marriage for life? Do you think when people get married it is really until death? How long does it take for dating to become a relationship? Is it important to be punctual in your first date? Would you dress up for a first date? What clothes would you wear? What kind of place do you think is the ideal for a first date? Why do you think so? What are your country's norms or laws on displays of public affection?
How a dating app is saving my marriage
Do you think it is okay for couples to kiss in public? How would you feel if your boyfriend liked to keep company with a female friend when you're not there? How would you feel if your girlfriend liked to keep company with a male friend when you're not there? If you could go back to your past love, and change what went wrong, who would it be? Who do you love? If you had to choose to live with someone who truly loves you but you don't love him back or to live alone for a rest of your life loving someone that doesn't love you what would you choose?
What would you change, if you are given only one chance to do it? Whose heart did you break most? Have you ever met someone you love a lot but never expressed it? If your parents forced you to get married with a person who you don't love, what would you do in this situation? Do you believe that having a permanent love between two person who are living in two different countries is possible?
Do you want your husband to know how you looked as a child? Do you believe in love at first sight or love after the first night? International Marriage Would you marry someone of another nationality? Are your parents of the same nationality?