Three relationship experts debunk your most common excuses for turning down a potential 15 Ridiculous Reasons to Not Date Someone.
Table of contents
- He's Just Not That Into You: 8 Excuses Guys Make and What They Really Mean
- What Do A Guy’s Excuses Really Mean?
- More From Thought Catalog
- What Do A Guy’s Excuses Really Mean?
I haven't dated in 15 years and probably will never date again. I decided to give it one last try this year and frankly haven't met anyone I'm interested in. Tried online dating, spent a bunch of time and effort writing to women who couldn't bother to even say they weren't interested. I have better things to do with my time then make myself feel bad so I quit. As someone on another post said "It's a strange game , the only winning move is not to play".
I'm sorry to hear that and that's a cold reality in today's world, but also very damaging because more and more men and turning away from relationships like in Japan. I gave up on asking women out years ago. Never got a positive response so why continue? I think the worst was when they laugh like I'm some joke. I had good friend of mine do that, we had been friends for years and I finally got the courage to ask her out and she laughed at me.
I never spoke to her again and it was years before I asked another women out, fortunately she was nicer and just said she wasn't interested. Who cares about differences, both men and women over look the good people and often choose the abusive jerk or an overbearing woman who wants it all her way and it never works out cause they dont come together as a team. This entire idea is something that's been on my mind for a while and I wanted to share it. I've heard so many stories of people dealing with rejection, and they were angry because they wanted honesty.
I had my own thoughts on the topic but everyone's experiences were unique, so I never wanted to pick sides. I'd rather be fair and hear everyone out. For my writing, I appreciate all kinds of feedback positive or negative to the point where I even began writing a hub one of my first on why it was important for writers. I want to dive deeper into the subject matter, but I don't want it to seem overly preachy. Thank you for helping me out and giving me needed feedback because I'll always take it in stride. There is no way I can tell you everything I know about honesty, relationships, closure and such, no matter how much I wanted to share it.
It's such a long story. Those are not self-help books, however. There are other ways to achieve closure which do not involve the other person and their input and, especially, their truth. But one important thing I wanted to mention - after I wrote my articles I used to get a lot of feedback and those conversations were the moment when I started thinking about the topic more than before I wrote. It was a thought-starting point and that is a power of writing.
If this article is only a beginning in your exploration of the topic, then you've done a good job. The goal should never be to shatter someone by saying something along the lines of "Never in a million years would I be desperate enough to go out with you! When someone says; "It's not you, it's me" as empty as that sounds it's the truth.
They are the one who is unhappy or "not feeling it". They may know it's not anything you've done or said so there is no reason to "make up something" unless you pressured them to. Most people who believe in "closure" are looking to either "fix" things about themselves based on the opinion of their "ex" or they want to "learn" what they can do to avoid the same results in the future.
The very reason why your ex dumped you could be the same reason why the next person falls madly in love with you! If we decided to change with every feedback our "exes" gave us we'd be flapping in all sorts of directions. At some point you have to just be you! Below is my article. Thanks for writing on such an interesting topic!
Reading through your experiences gave me a lot to think about and I even removed the word misogynistic because I wasn't comfortable using that word in the first place. It didn't make much sense after taking another look through it and it didn't fit the message I wanted initially. I did not watch Tootsie but I might check it out to see what you meant though I could understand the gist of it. In all honesty there are no rules and expectations when it comes to dating because everybody's different.
Sometimes people are overly sensitive or they don't care what happens, and each situation could shift drastically.
I'll have to read your "closure is overrated" because it sounds interesting since I'm a strong believer in closure no matter what it is. I appreciate some of the situations shared in your own relationships because I'm always curious to find out how it varies from own person to the next. I still believe in the honest approach, which is why I hate some of these excuses even if they're fairly legitimate.
It's a form of respect and it doesn't even have to relate to dating. If you tell me you hate me and why in front of my face then I'll respect that a lot more than if you're kind to my face but insult me behind my back. It's very childish and dishonest, but to each his or her own. Again thanks to everyone for sharing and commentating; it was a pleasure reading through everything.
Too often people pursue relationships based upon what they've read or been told what they "should be looking for" as oppose to what actually feels right for themselves. My "closure is overrated" article is designed to help people move on with their lives. Essentially due to her need for closure she blew through the rest of her teens and all of her 20s to get an "explanation" that may not have come!
Dashing Scorpio, I agree. When I thought of "Toosie" more - the whole movie is about Dustin Hoffman lying to everyone starting from his agent and ending with his girlfriend. Funny thing he didn't intend his lying to hurt anyone. I had my fair share of thinking that if someone rejects me then a truthful explanation is better than "a well-intended" lie.
Maybe in some cases, but certainly not in all. The last boyfriend told me that I was intimidating and had a subtlety of a bulldozer, but, of course, his feeling for me did not change, but he wanted to go back to friends because he couldn't serve his God I even read your article about "closure is overrated" and disagreed. But in that last case I tried to make peace and ended up being hurt more and then I thought - as much as I needed closure, in that case I just cut the cord.
But it gave me an insight for the future - stop and examine how exactly I end up with guys like I guess my past experience didn't come to the point that my words sounded so offending to someone.. Women oftentimes have stated what they "want" in a man and if such a guy shows up they put him in "The Friend Zone". At some point a person has to recognize it's not a "coincidence" that all of their exes are "jerks". Very few admit they're into "bad boys", "arrogant guys" or "players". They just happen to "attract" those guys for relationships. Maybe they've been saying "no" to the wrong people or for the wrong reasons.
Are you pursuing your dream or society's dream? Well, since you invite honesty, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that the word "misogynistic" cannot be applies to excuses themselves. If you replace the word "misogynistic" with "women-hating But the reason I am saying this is not to point "one big flaw" in your hub, quite the contrary. Even though that this word is clearly out of place, the overall message is clear. The tone of the article is not "women-hating" and there are no mixed messages.
I've been told once and I agree with it whole-heatedly that in communication the most important thing is not the impeccable word usage and grammar mine never was , but getting the message across. Those excuses do just that. When someone becomes honest, he invites all sorts of trouble as "punishment" for his social ineptitude.
I don't know if you ever saw the movie "Tootsie", it's fairly old, but there is one moment there when Jessica Lange in the same vein said that all he wanted that men were straightforward and said what they mean. Surely enough, Dustin Hoffman approached her at a party and did precisely that - told her what he wanted. What do you think happened? And when it comes to being lame, my favourite is what men say as "compliments". Maybe, that's it if it is enough.
He's Just Not That Into You: 8 Excuses Guys Make and What They Really Mean
Women don't bother with coming up with better "excuses" and men don't bother with coming up with better "compliments" rather pick-up lines. In my opinion, there only reason for that is that it works. The moment it won't people will invent better things to say. Best regards from the person who knows the price for honesty. I blame it on my parents. It became a trait that is really hard to get rid of. I wish I was prepared a long time ago too.
Thanks for stopping by and reading. I meant some women reading this might feel attacked and feel they're perceived negatively by men when that wasn't the intention. It shouldn't be seen as men being angry or hateful towards women because of rejection. That's a very good point regarding the indirect vs. Rejection will hurt no matter how it is dealt and sometimes being ignored is even worse than getting directly rejected.
The example you stated about the man approaching the two women and essentially choosing one of them can be incredibly hurtful. I'm sure there's a ton of things going through her mind when the guy is trying to connect with her friend and not her.
What Do A Guy’s Excuses Really Mean?
She may feel very unattractive and wonder what's wrong with her. On the other hand, she might feel lucky that the guy wasn't interested in her and didn't bother her so it can go both ways. Thank you for the read and thorough response. You're insights are well represented and accurate. Could have used this hub fifteen or twenty years ago, a really interesting entertaining read, great hub, thanks for sharing, voted up, Lee.
Very few people will simply say: When it's all said and done a "no" is a "no" no matter what wrapping paper one uses to cover the package. On the surface it would appear "direct" hurts more than "indirect". However you had a crush on someone and he acted like you didn't exist while asking all of your girlfriends to dance or go out Not being "chosen" can hurt as much as being rebuffed. Whenever two or more women are sitting at a table in a nightclub and a man approaches one of them the others were "indirectly rejected". They may not "see it that way" unless the woman he approaches turns him down and then he turns to another one of them at the table.
Instantly she knows she was not his "first choice". Sometimes her ego will cause her to reject him while knowing if he had come to her first she would have said "yes". Very few women are open to their girlfriend's rejects. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
More From Thought Catalog
What Do A Guy’s Excuses Really Mean?
Either way, he is not willing to give you the time that you deserve. Someone who gives you this line is either too lazy to come up with a legitimate reason or too much of a coward to be honest. According to Lieberman, this is yet another commonplace excuse guys give you instead of telling you the truth. However, Smith has a different approach to this situation.
Bottom line, a guy who uses this excuse is looking for the easy way out. Depending on the situation, this can truly mean that the guy is not ready to commit right before the summer — understandably so. But in Chloe's case, this was just a convenient way for her ex to avoid admitting that he didn't want to be in their relationship anymore. You might be wondering why guys feel the need to lie or hide the truth, when all you want is a straight explanation. It is not the place where people tend to be the most honest, so don't make too much of what is said.
Move on and focus on yourself instead! Iris was the associate editor at Her Campus. She graduated from UCLA with a degree in communications and gender studies, but was born and raised in France with an English mother. She enjoys country music, the color pink and pretending she has her life together. Skip to main content.