How to tell someone you just want to hook up

"While it may be tricky telling someone you just met that you are only into Having a casual hookup can be fun and fulfilling, but you need to.
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Tell her something nice that's actually true. She'll be able to tell if you're just buttering her up with compliments to try to get her to hook up. Try some light touches. If she seems receptive and you're sitting next to her, then you can try some light touches before you start kissing her. Put your arm around her, place your hand on her knee, or even squeeze her hand to let her know that you're into her.

You can even gently stroke her hair or put your arm around her waist if you're feeling more forward. See how she responds. If she's comfortable with your touches, then she'll move closer to you, smile, and will start putting her hands on you too. Once the light touches have done their trick, you can try to kiss her. Kissing a girl for the first time doesn't have to be scary. Just remember to be confident, take it slow, and know what to do with the rest of your body.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to have a perfect first kiss with the girl, and just focus on enjoying lip-locking with the girl for the first time. Here's how to do it: Look into her eyes and brush her hair out of her face. Let her know that you want to kiss her without saying so. Move toward her with your lips slightly parted. Kiss her and see how she responds. You can lock lips for a few seconds or even longer if she's pulling away.

5 things you must do if you really only want to hook up with someone *one* time

If she wants to keep kissing, then you can even try to French kiss her after a few minutes; just don't put your tongue into her mouth right away or she'll be thrown off guard. Gently move your hands around her waist or shoulders, but don't start groping her in inappropriate places or she'll get uncomfortable. Touch her more intimately. Once she lets you know that she's ready to take it to the next level, you can start touching her more intimately while you're kissing. If she moves onto your lap, or if you're on top of her, then things are getting hot and heavy.

You can try running your hands over more intimate parts of her body once she's comfortable. This will turn her on and may get her in the mood for more. If you've been kissing for a while and she's starting to touch you all over, run your hands over her breasts, but do it very carefully to see how she responds.

If she lets you know she likes it, then keep going. Stroke her thighs and the space behind her thighs. Keep going as long as she's letting you know she likes it. You can start kissing her on her neck or below her ears. You don't have to limit kissing to lips. For some people, hooking up just means kissing, and if you've achieved that goal, then be happy for a job well done. But if both of you are wanting more, then it's time to go to the bedroom and start taking off your clothes. Help the girl remove her clothes gently, and don't be too forward about it.

Sooooo like, what are we??

Don't take off all of your clothes at once. Once she starts taking hers off, you should maintain the same level of relative nudity. Don't make her uncomfortable by taking off all of your clothes while she's fully dressed, or by taking off all of her clothes while you still have yours on. Unbutton her shirt or slide it over her head. Then, take off her bra by unclasping it in the back; don't make awkward comments about how tricky it is.

Just relax and you'll be able to get it off. Don't rush to take off your clothes. Wait for her to pull your shirt over your head or to start removing your belt. Once she's undressed, tell her how beautiful she looks. See if she's ready for more. If you want to have sex with the girl, make sure it's what she has in mind too. You should both be sober, into each other, and ready to have a good time. And being ready to have a good time means behind prepared in advance with condoms or anything else you might need to have sex. Don't rush into sex. Make sure you have the girl's consent first, and that she's doing it because she really wants to, not because you're really putting the pressure on.

Even if it's clear that you both want to have sex, you should spend some time on foreplay so you're both turned on when the moment comes. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other.

Tips Do not be angry if a girl rejects your advances. Be gracious, apologize and walk away. If she says no, back off. Consent is an incredibly important concept, especially when flirting or going further. Don't ever make her feel like she's being interviewed. It won't be natural, and she will doubt your social skills. Be safe and prepared. Don't necessarily kiss her on the neck. Find her sweet spot. Girls like it when a guy knows her sweet spot.

Know whether or not you will see the girl again and, if so, what you will say. Do not use too much cologne - it can easily become overpowering. Warnings Do not take advantage of drunk girls. Their irresponsibility is not your gain. Article Info wikiHow is a wiki similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are written collaboratively. Flirting In other languages: Did this article help you? This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness. Een friends with benefits relatie beginnen. Pick someone who is available.

This means "available" in all senses of the word -- single being the most obvious definition. The person should not only be single, but he or she shouldn't be recovering from the end of a devastating break-up, dealing with the loss of a loved one, or so busy studying that he or she practically lives in the library.

Gentleman's Guide To Hookups - AskMen

This person should be feeling fun, emotionally stable, and up for anything -- especially hooking up with you. Pick someone who won't get too attached. Friends with benefits relationships often end because one person starts falling for the other. So, unless you want to date the person, or you don't care if the person gets really hurt, you should avoid someone who will get attached. How do you know who will get too attached and who won't?

If you've heard this person described as "clingy," whether it's by friends or past significant others, then you may have a problem. If the person doesn't have a lot of friends, interests, or a lot going on, then he or she may have nothing better to do than to spend a lot of time with you.

If you know that this person has really liked you in the past, then it's better to avoid it. If you know the person has a harmless crush on you, then that's perfect. Pick someone you already like. Key word -- like, not really really like. This should be someone who you think is cute and fun to be around -- you should like this person just as much as you like spending a day at the beach with your friends. If you're going to spend a lot of time with that person, then you should feel a baseline of affection -- just nothing too serious.

Pick someone you already like, but not someone you would normally date. Go out of your comfort zone and remember that you're looking for a hot hook up partner, not your future husband or wife. If you pick someone you might date, then it's more likely that you'd end up falling for that person.

Discover his true intentions.

You should have some natural chemistry with this person. That doesn't mean you want to stay up for hours talking about the meaning of life with him -- you just want to rip his shirt off. Pick someone outside your social or work circle. Don't have a friends with benefits relationship with one of the members of the group of friends you've known since you were five, or it'll lead to some serious awkwardness when the relationship ends.

Typical friends with benefits relationships only last a few months, so don't pick someone you know you'll have to see all the time.

Pick someone with experience. You should try to find someone who you know has had some experience hooking up -- even better if you've heard he or she is great in bed. Since that's what you'll be doing, it's good to have a sense that the person will deliver. It will also help if the person has had some casual flings before, so he or she is experienced in that department.

If the person has only had one relationship and it lasted seven years, he may not be your best bet. Someone you would normally date. Someone who studies a lot. Someone you have natural chemistry with. Flirt with the person. Start flirting with the person by teasing, playfully touching, or just paying attention to him or her. Let the person know you're interested and give him or her a few not-so-subtle compliments. You're not trying to be coy here -- you're looking for a hook-up buddy. Once the person is interested, you can start kissing or doing something more.

Tell the person how attracted you are to him or her but do not compliment that person's personality or say anything that makes it sound like you want to date. Set the ground rules. Every non-couple is different. Some friends with benefits know each other well enough to set some ground rules before they start hooking up. But that can feel a little awkward and unnatural, so you may want to wait until after that first kiss or hook-up session. Ideally, you should have the talk before sex, so you know that both people are on the same page and that no one gets really hurt.

Here are the things you should talk about: Make it clear that you are not dating -- you're just having fun. Both of you should be free to hook up with other people. Make sure that you won't see each other too often. You should see each other just two or three times a week, preferably at night. If you see each other almost every day, then guess what?

Decide that you'll end the relationship when one person gets too attached. Unless you both start falling for each other, make it clear that if someone gets attached, it's over. Enjoy some hot sex. That's what having friends with benefits is for, isn't it? Have fun hooking up with your "friend," letting loose, and trying the things you were too afraid to try with your old boyfriend or girlfriend.

This is your time to let loose and experiment, picking up the tricks you can use to wow future partners. Have fun trying new poses, having sex in kinky locations, and just throwing caution to the wind. Keep up your communication. As you ease in to your friends with benefits relationship, don't forget to check in with the person you're hooking up with. Make sure you're both into each other, but not too much. If you'll both be at a party, talk about how you'll act. If you're also hooking up with another person, don't be shady about it.

You don't have to spill your heart out, but you should keep talking so you know what's working and what isn't. Act as if you want to date them. See them every day. Don't forget to see other people. Part of a no-strings-attached relationship means that you are free to see other people.

Don't forget this important perk. If you're only hooking up with one person, it may turn into a real relationship. If that's not what you want, then keep a look out whenever you're out at a bar or a party. Don't just wait to get a text from your hook up buddy, but look around and see if there are any other options for you. You can hang out with your friend with benefits, but you need to make it clear that it's not a date. For one thing, you should spend more time in bed together than out of it.

You can go out for a drink -- but not for dinner. Try to make your place as inhospitable as possible so your hook up buddy doesn't want to linger in the morning. If your friend does stay the night, don't fry up some pancakes in the morning, or give her a kiss goodbye. Be nice, but not loving. Don't do things a real couple would do, like go on a mini-vacation, go grocery shopping, or go on double-dates with your friends. Don't go clothes shopping together, and don't bring your "friend" as a date to a wedding or a party.

Don't get gifts for the person you're hooking up with, or call him or her just to chat. Don't see the person more than two or three times a week. Keep doing your own thing.


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The joy of a friends with benefits relationship is that you can still have enough time to pursue your own goals, whether it's grad school, your love for painting, or just all of the fun times you have hanging out with your friends. You can keep hooking up with your friend while having plenty of time to do all of the things you love during the day. Know when to say goodbye. There are three main reasons that a friends with benefits relationship ends: The fourth reason is that there is a natural time-based end to the relationship, such as the end of a summer, the end of a long trip, or that one or both people is graduating.