Perks of dating you funny

I have a tempurpedic mattress and a view of the Empire State Building. Oh, and I' m a licensed massage therapist.
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I also love cooking, and thats my reasoning when people tell me I should go to culinary school or something. Doing it for work would make me not enjoy it anymore, and I would never cook for myself or my wife. Ill just go to culinary school later when I have money and don't really need to worry about a career.

That's my thinking too. I want to go to cooking classes but for myself, not for a career. It's a hobby, and I want to keep it that way. I am always willing to read stories out loud to you. I was unaware so many people liked to be read to. Oddly that's the one that got me. Figure I'd make it known that this is an extremely valuable trait. Here's what you need.


If they say no, no work for you. If they say yes Never tell people this. They will keep asking you to do it. Then everything after you fixed it will be your fault. I learned this too late as well. Now my grandma only calls me for dinner when she has computer problems or when she wants to rearrange her furniture for the th time. You need to stand up to her. Like, make it clear that fixing computer is a perk she's only gonna get if she's dating you. So, you know, I'm perfect for the ones needing a transitional relationship.

I'm the female equivalent of you. Oh, you're dating slmeone now? I'm so glad you're happy. I have really poor circulation and I live in this wasteland, so if I could just find somebody proficient at warming my hands, goddamn would that be awesome. Well I'm married, so at least one woman on the planet has decided there's something or indeed somethings about me that mean I'm worth keeping around for the rest of their life. Unfortunately though, I'm married.

I actually have a pegasus, but I can't ride it, because I would catch on fire. Oh, and it burnt down it's stable. I wouldn't cheat on you Back in seventh grade, I had a spider bro. He was for a project in biology, but when we went to release him into the wild it was some ecosystem project that we were getting rid of safely he climbed onto my shoulder and stayed there for the next 3 class periods until it was time to leave.

As in, stayed there. If he fell off or if you put him somewhere else he would climb up my pants to my shoulder or shoot a web to my back and climb the rest of the way. Unfortunately in the rush to the bus at the end of the day I had lost him in the halls after dropping him. I was really bummed out. For the first five minutes of sitting down I didn't say a word mind you, I was one of those short talkative annoying seventh grade boys until a girl in front of me screamed SPIDER and smashed the spider sitting on the top of my seat behind me. My hopes risen and then literally crushed at the same time.

I held a funeral that day I actually didn't, I was a seventh grader what do you expect? My ex, who'd more or less rejected my attempts to rekindle our romance, sent me this news article about a hermit they found in the woods in my state. I'm kind, wouldn't hurt anyone. I make decent money. Despite all the talk about girls going after the nerdy guys, it just isn't true.

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None of your girlfriends are going to try and take me from you. Holy crap, I didn't even see that. What if, my whole life, I've spoken in accidental rhyme? I wonder if anyone would've told me. I can't even imagine. It could've been going on the whole dang time. You're not going to make the other. Well ever since my last major relationship ripped me apart internally I've kinda lost who I am as a person and haven't been able to date. I was raised by all women so I've probably seen ALOT of "Chick Flicks" and even enjoy them, so you won't ever have to feel guilty about making me watch any.

If something is bothering you or is wrong I will move fucking mountains to make you feel better; Talk to you, Listen to you, give massages, write you cute little notes, shower you in anything and everything I can find to make you smile or feel better, and buy you all the ice-cream and your favorite foods and candies I can think of.

I actually tend to prefer girls when they don't wear makeup. No serious, not "no make up", but actual no make up. I actually get pleasure in bed out of your pleasure, my biggest turn on is exploring your fantasies. I won't judge your gorging and eating huge burgers or masses of foods, if anything it impresses me. Although pretty young, I'm an old school romantic so I will open the doors for you, hold out your chair, and bring you flowers from time to time. I don't care what others think and will gladly dance with you like a fool in public, even if there is no music playing.

I could go on with the list haha Kinda just wrote this to try to remind myself who I am. Been struggling with depression this past year and a half plus, this helped:. Holy shit you're all really dam nice! Thank you all for the support and the awesome words. Haha you guys made my day and made me more hopeful!

Don't worry guys i'm not giving up on finding someone awesome. If I could hug every single dam one of you I would. You sound like an amazing person! Don't let one bad relationship ruin it for the next person who comes along. Life is far too short to be miserable. I know a lot about forensics and identifying human remains so if you ever need someone to talk at you about dead people, I can do that.

Perks of dating me: You will be the hot one | Funny Tweeter

I'm someone that can dress up and go to the opera or symphony with you, or I can be the slutty girl you go clubbing with. I can be conservative, or extremely wild. At the end of the date, I can and will be incredibly submissive, and you can have your way with me. I don't have many limits. I am also a great listener, and can support you in many ways - both personally and professionally. There was some porn chick years ago who laid back and had like dudes lineup to fuck her. She took each dude until they came.

Can you imagine what that last dude was thinking? Do you even think he felt anything? This chick must have been so stretched out that she may not even have felt anything.

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I bet your inbox is like that porn star's vagina right now. Every dude just wants to get in - doesn't matter what order.

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I have a super high sex drive. Like four, five times a day if I could. Of course that novelty wears off super fast for people. Makes me super sad panda and makes me feel really undesirable when I'm rejected.

If First Dates Were Honest

Had an ex like that. It's great at first and then when I realize I'm not superman it wears off but I didn't want her to feel bad and get sad and it just made sex a really awkward obligation after a certain point. I just felt guilty whenever I wasn't in the mood even if we already fucked 3 times that day and it took a lot of the fun out of it. Yeah like I said the novelty wears off fast. Luckily enough I'm used to long dry periods, so it's not like I need it or something to be happy. Just in a perfect world like twice daily, minimum.

And that's not even like full on sex. I actually like hand jobs and blow jobs just as much. I've been told that I am a good sounding board. Just friends was better than nothing, right? Connor Sanders has spent his whole life looking out for the girl next door. Circumstances force him to protect her in a way he never expected, one that allows him to act on the feelings he's kept under a tight rein for years. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

To ask other readers questions about The Perks of Dating You , please sign up. Ill keep an eye out for more of her books. Was this her debut book? See 1 question about The Perks of Dating You…. Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia.

I was on vacation for a week and in the mood for some romance novels, especially high school romance, therefore there will be a lot of reviews from this genre right now. Perks of Dating You is a really sweet and simple novel, there is no big unexpected plot twist but that is part of the charm in this one. This was super cute for YA. I'm a bit disappointed though, because with some work on grammar, formatting, proofreading, and a cover that doesn't look like a wedding photo, this book could be 5 stars.

The author seriously overuses dashes. Take a look at some examples in my Notes and Highlights. Connor was adorable, especially when he found out she slept in his shirts. I'm confused about Allie's height though, she said she was 5'7, but later Connor complains twice about how he hates to have to rea This was super cute for YA.

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  8. I'm confused about Allie's height though, she said she was 5'7, but later Connor complains twice about how he hates to have to reach down to kiss her. How tall is he? View all 3 comments. Sep 02, LSW rated it it was ok. Now put them together and you get "the perks of dating you" The book is fine. Its an easy summer read without any substance. I love a good, friends to more, story! They've been best friends all their life. He's a hot, popular jock. She's a tomboy, that doesn't recognize her own beauty, inner and outer. Her best friend steps in with a make over, and helps him to realise how much he loves her.

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    The only part I didn't care for was the fact that he has dated lots of girls, but gets jealous and upset when she finally gets another guys interest. There is a HEA, no cheating, and it's a, "clean," roman Yes! There is a HEA, no cheating, and it's a, "clean," romance. I found it refreshing, and enjoyed all the characters, along with the story that kept me interested.

    This is a quick and easy read. I finished it in one day. I was pleasantly surprised by how cute the story line was. That cover does not do it any favors, and there are some grammatical errors to overlook and sometimes confusing. But the story worked and kept me wanting more from this little high school romance.

    I thought Connor's perspective was done well. I sometimes hate the guy's point of view and want to just stick with the girl's side. But not the case here. This story has been done a milli This is a quick and easy read. This story has been done a million times, so I guess I had low expectations.

    But I fell in love with the characters and that's what made the story sing in my opinion. What a fantastic book This book wasn't just the plot but the way the author had both the views of the feelings each one was feeling at the time. It was so unique and drew you in so that you didn't want to miss a minute or wanting it to be longer. I will be looking for everything she writes. Oct 10, Abi rated it it was ok Shelves: I got really frustrated by the characters, and it didn't feel like any sort of new variation on the genre. Nothing was really original. Just your garden variety young adult book.

    Now this is a story we have all read before or seen on television. The childhood best friends who are in love with each other but cant find it within them to tell the other, or cross that line in fear of losing the most important person in their life. However, many times this story has been told it is all the same with a few different twist and turns here and there, we can never find it within ourselves to not love it. An old story that has been told so many times you just are not surprised by a Now this is a story we have all read before or seen on television.

    Dank, Dating, and Date: Dating, God, and Meme: Cheating, Dating, and Friends: Dating, Fresh, and Memes: Cheating, Dating, and Funny: Perks of dating me Perks of Dating Me: Dating, Life, and Date: Dating, Life, and Yeah: Dating, Date, and Girl Memes: Dating, Funny, and Date: Dating, Fuck You, and Fucking: Dating me is like Today 7: Be Like, Cheating, and Dating: When someone asks me why i'm still single i be like "i donno i thought i was cool as shit I never leave my house so we can always hang out, I'll never cheat cause I'm 2 busy stalking you, I laugh at my own jokes so you don't have 2, I'm always down to get drunk, pizza and dick.

    I don't go anywhere, so we can always hangout I'm too ugly to cheat on you Sometimes i'm funny I live near a pizzahut i'm almost done season 4 of pll.