Dating rape survivor

May 5, Among single women, surviving rape makes dating - and sex with future In the general population, 7% of women had been victims of rape or.
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This could be because subconsciously the person feels that she was in some way responsible for her rape, that she may have encouraged or invited, so to speak, the heinous act. So you could compliment your boyfriend on the new hairdo that he has got or praise the new Mediterranean recipe that your girlfriend has tried out.

This is especially true if the perpetrator of the crime was a known person like a family member, neighbor or even boyfriend in case of date rape. Apart from the physical pain, what hurts most is the realization that no one, not even an adult from the circle of family or friends, is worthy of trust.

21 Raw Thoughts From People Who Are Dating A Rape Survivor

The memory of this abuse of trust sometimes makes it difficult for the victim to have faith in others, ever again. So you may find your boyfriend or girlfriend at times suspicious, jealous and highly emotionally insecure. When you feel that your partner wants to talk about their past, be sure to listen actively and later offer unconditional support. He knew I have been raped twice, that I am bisexual, and that I battled bulimia for much of my life. Maybe he thought he was allowing me the space to express what I wanted to say about them, but to me he was simply enamored with the idea of me, like his many predecessors.

He blurted out that he was already in love with me on our second day together. I am certainly all of these things — and more.

21 Raw Thoughts From People Who Are Dating A Rape Survivor

I liked this ambitious and light-hearted version of me, too. So much that I perfected the art of playing her character in public for decades. In love, the real me was disheveled, hypervigilant, erratic and self-defeating. It did not matter how many people I confided in, how many positive affirmations I recited, how many doctors I saw, how many times I got hypnotized or how many reiki sessions I booked, how many churches I prayed in.

I always heard the voice of a year-old girl screaming inside. I still vividly remember when she floated out of my body, and how in the years that followed she watched me from a safe distance, whispering to me whenever she feared that someone was malicious or threatening, pulling me back to comfort her whenever she felt injured or abandoned again. Imagine how it feels to swipe right, negotiate a well-lit public meeting place, and show up for a date feeling optimistic when that kind of trauma has been your primary reality from adolescence to adulthood.

Through effective multitasking and intentional presence I have taught myself to enjoy some dates.

Dating a Rape Victim – Tips and Advice

Small talk and sparks are the best, but as a victim of acquaintance rape I never forget for a split second that anyone — anyone — can turn on you. So it was kind of a miracle that even a little six-week relationship materialized for me in my mids. Years of enduring the cycle of exhaustion and failure, sadly, led me to prefer and savor the safety of solitude much more than a loving embrace. One might think an epidemic of that magnitude would be combatted by a strong and supportive community, replete with enthusiastic advocates, justice mechanisms, cultural and legal deterrents, and healing modalities.

How sexual assault changes your dating and sex life

There are some incredible leaders doing the hard work to raise awareness and make progress, but compared with most issues impacting that sheer volume of people, rape has not achieved the visibility of health issues like breast cancer or HIV, nor criminal justice issues like mass shootings. Beyond the abysmal odds that an assailant will ever be punished for the crime , the personal aftermath of rape remains one of the loneliest, most hopeless conditions a person can endure.


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This is why it is a tactic of war and slavery and trafficking; it has the power to dull if not kill the soul into submission. For me, the worst part of recovery had little to do with coming to terms with the events themselves 12 years after the first incident, at age 28 I was attacked in my sleep while on vacation. It was the fact that talking about rape was either beyond taboo or had to be carefully scripted for palatable consumption, and not a single person in my life knew what to say or do about it — even if they cared and wanted to help.

They may have implicitly observed my struggles and offered general support, but nothing related to rape was ever named or addressed directly unless I brought it up. Nowhere was this collective erasure and stigma more pronounced than in my romantic life.

One woman shares her experiences with hero complexes, ghosting, and continuing to believe in love

In my experience, cisgender straight male suitors are prone to say well-intentioned, valiant things in their initial outrage. Sadly, my experience with sharing my perspective and needs as a rape victim with my male or female partners can be characterized overall as confusing, painful and indisputably the most frustrating aspect of my life. To say I still believe in love would belie a real bitterness that has resulted in the hardening of my heart that I resist daily.

I have dated far more men than women, so the following unscientific assessment will be skewed in that direction, and can easily be conflated with nuances around my sexual orientation. Since it was first created in , the National Sexual Assault Hotline Before the telephone hotline was created, there was no central place where survivors could get help.

Local sexual assault services providers were well equipped to handle support services, but the lack of a national hotline meant the issue did not receive as much attention as it should. In response, RAINN developed a unique national hotline system to combine all the advantages of a national organization with all the abilities and expertise of local programs. One nationwide hotline number makes it easier for survivors to be connected with the help they deserve.

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Anyone affected by sexual assault, whether it happened to you or someone you care about, can find support on the National Sexual Assault Hotline. You can also visit online.


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  4. Skip to main content. How does it work? Telephone Hotline Terms of Service How can the hotline help me?