Intj hate dating

I have been always an INTJ and found myself different from other girls; my strong dislike of so many things the date was normally green for go.
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In order to compensate for such misunderstandings, INTJs might reason that if they could only understand people better they could overcome their relational difficulties. This may inspire them to gather as many facts and self-help strategies as they can regarding human psychology and relationships. While there is certainly nothing wrong with doing so, it may not always remedy their predicament in the way they might expect.

For one, INTJs with a history of relational difficulties can be prone to attribute those failures to psychological problems in their partners, thereby failing to see their own shortcomings. While not necessarily their fault, this should comprise at least as much of their relational attention as trying to see and diagnose problems in their partners. To be fair, accurate self-evaluation can be a problem for all J-types, since their preferred mode of Judging Fe or Te is directed outwardly rather than inwardly. This is one reason why typology can be so useful for INTJs, as well as other types.

One of the hallmarks of Fi is a desire to preserve and defend the uniqueness of the individual. Related to a strong concern for the individual is the Fi desire to aid the weak, helpless, and marginalized of society. This is why IFPs, for instance, can often be found helping the homeless, working with children with special needs, protecting endangered species, etc. Once we add Fi into the mix, it is not hard to see how INTJs might be attracted, even if unconsciously, to rescuing and fixing those who seem needy or helpless.

The relationship then becomes a sort of psychotherapeutic forum, with the INTJ working to analyze, diagnose, and treat his wounded partner. It zeroes in on the unique features of the individual and grows deeply attached to those qualities. While INTJs may not experience the consistent strength of feeling that FP types do, they are nonetheless influenced by the less conscious workings of Fi, which helps inspire loyalty, love, and commitment.

This makes it a highly alluring function, powerful enough to inspire a fierce and protracted tug-of-war with the dominant function. Money also relates to status, another Se-related desire. They may, for instance, feel forced to perform unfulfilling work that fails to utilize their Ni-Te gifts. Or, they may struggle when the quality of a product or accuracy of information is compromised for the sake of marketability.

INTJs also hate having to act before their intuition has prompted them to do so. All of this can make the work life of INTJs rather miserable as they struggle to find a compromise between their Ni and Se concerns. I don't want to have to. Anyone who I could tolerate for the long haul is going to find those games as useless as I do.

This is another example where gross generalizations are not particularly helpful and may lead to confusion. I'd also add that "hurry it up already" is an intolerant ENTJ like comment. That difference should be honored. What's wrong with enjoying the process? People can conversely be impulsive and make bad judgments in areas of romance. Nothing sexy or romantic about an unwanted sexual encounter, pregnancy or marriage.

I guess one of the things I take greatest pride in as an INTJ is the ability to make excellent decisions. I rarely regret the decisions I make because of the thought and analysis that I put into it. I would not say that about a lot of other types. There is virtue in deliberation and thoughtfulness, especially when it comes to relationships and their importance in our lives. I agree completely that a different process must be honoured. But, sometimes, INTJs take this too far.

It is right to be cautious before entering a relationship. It is also right that some objective criteria needs to be evaluated to determine compatibility before entering into a relationship. But, once the initial screening has taken place and most criteria met, only time spent with a person can help you gauge long-term compatibility. Turning it around in your own head for years, before making a move, is a colossal waste of time for all concerned.

A relationship requires some level of nurture I am an INTP, but even I know this and a lack of ego and arrogance, specially in the initial stages. If you starve it, as you turn around scenarios in your mind, it will surely die. INTJs are perfectly capable of cutting off their noses to spite their faces and that's why you need condescending blog posts to give you a perspective that you clearly lack. Thanks for the article and thank you for this comment!


  1. Extraverted Thinking in INTJ Relationships;
  2. Infographics.
  3. speed dating architecture.

Man are often attracted by myself physically, but they get intimidated after 5 minutes of conversation. I met an Intj Man, and I fall completely for him after accurate analysis of course I have been liking him for 4 years now, and he has been challenging me and observing for all this time,but yet, we are not in a real relationship even if I know that we are getting slowly slowly slowly slowly closer. Looking at my not-intj girls-friends, I often feel like I am emotional failure of course on the intellectual side I beat them, but what for, if I am not able to touch the heart of the man i love the most on heart?

Yeas, Love, exactly that! On top my intj man is a super male, and he doesn't want to be pursued. I often feel like in a prison. This is an interesting article. As discussed in the article, and as lampooned on the television program 'The Big Bang Theory', romance is one of the most difficult challenges an INTJ may ever face. I'm in my 40's now and never had a girlfriend, not even a flirtatious relationship, with anyone until I was Even then, I would have never met her if my co-workers hadn't set me up. First, they had talked me into trying online dating which was an unmitigated disaster.

I spent months on three different online dating sites trying to find anyone who might possibly be worth trying to date. I managed to find a few whose profiles suggested this. I think I corresponded almost pen pal style with nine or ten of them over that time period. Of those, only three kept it up long enough for me to somehow screw up the courage to ask them out on an actual date. The first one turned out to be so focused on one of the subjects that I simply can't stand, politics, that it was nearly impossible to have a good conversation with her.

That was all she wanted to talk about and my attempts at 'small talk' usually failed. For her part, she was almost as totally uninterested in what was then my passion, botany, as I was in her's.

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We had five or six dates before I finally gave up. I knew that it was time to give it up when she started talking about a guy she'd met at this presidential library where she volunteered did I mention that she was obsessed with politics? She clearly found him more interesting than she did me, so I broke up with her. It was painful, because I'd finally taken the huge risk of attempting a romantic relationship and it had fizzled miserably. The second one seemed to be more interested in my work and hobbies, asking me lots of questions about it and encouraging me to tell all about the ups and downs of it When I finally met her for an actual date, she spent almost the entire time taking calls on her cell phone and talking to her friends.

On the first date, she even brought along her best friend as a sort of group date. That she wasn't willing to trust me enough to meet her at a restaurant with it being just the two of us was my first red flag. Having the phone to her ear most of the time was the second. But, I was so hoping not to have a repeat of the first disaster and her online correspondence was so fun, that I tried to keep going. Then, after a few dates, I was involved in an auto accident that really hurt me. After I'd called , I called her and only got her voice mail.

I left her a message saying what had happened. Then, I called my coworkers.

They came immediately, even though they were further away, and helped me through it. I tried her again at the hospital and still got voicemail. She didn't call me back, not even the next day. When I finally got her to answer the phone a couple of days later, I wound up breaking up with her, letting her know that I had finally realized how low of a priority I was. The third person I met online was the best yet. We had a ton of things in common: I loved corresponding with her, and later on, talking with her on the phone.

In fact, we are still friends and keep in touch on Facebook. The problem came when it came to attempting a physical date. She had her own business and her time was so consumed with that, that it was nearly impossible to make a date. After a couple of months, I realized that I'd always be second banana to her business.

After that, I gave up on the online dating scene. My coworkers felt bad that it had gone so poorly, so a few months later, the guy I worked with gave me the name and phone number of someone who was his wife's co-worker. It took me a few days to screw up the courage to even call her. When I finally did, I called her three times on three different days even tried different times of day and just got her voice mail. I almost gave up and tossed the post-it note with her number in the trash, but then I thought about how my co-workers had told me what a great person she was and how much we had in common, that I ought to try one more time.

She answered the phone that time and we talked for at least two hours. We spent the next two or three months talking on the phone at least once a week, sometimes three or four times a week. Each time, they were very lengthy calls, yet we never seemed to run out of things to talk about and even started sharing things that we never thought we'd ever tell anyone else about our problems, frustrations, dreams, regrets, etc. I finally decided that she might actually be 'the one', so I asked her out on a dinner date.

We wound up chatting over our meal from around 6 pm until the place closed. I'd never talked to anyone so much in my whole life, but I found that I actually enjoyed it. We dated for a little over two years, still living separately, much to the surprise of some of the people we knew which appalled me, making me realize just how much morals had degraded these days , but spending as much time together as our schedules allowed.

We both had weekends off and usually were off work before 5 pm, so that wound up being a lot of time together. By the time I decided that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life without her, we'd gotten to know each other really well both the good stuff and the not so attractive stuff.

In fact, by then, we'd seen each other at both our best and our worst as we both had had big problems at work and in our family life by then.

Important Information to Understand About the INTJ Male - Personality Growth

When I asked her to marry me, I was shocked at how comfortable I already was with her and that I wasn't nervous at all. I think I had already intuitively realized that she wanted to marry me before I even asked. We've been married almost 10 years now. There have been ups and downs to be sure, but we've never fought and never tried to break up with each other. There have been disagreements, but both of us grew up being so adverse to fighting that we've always managed to resolve those disagreements without them degrading into anything hurtful.

She took the Meyers Briggs test in college as I had and it had said that she was INTP with a tendency more towards being extroverted than my test showed. So, we are enough alike that we can relate to each other, yet different enough that she makes up for my weaknesses and I make up for her's.

Although most of the things mentioned in this article touch upon genuine difficulties of INTJ's, it's equally important to point out that a significant subset of INTJ's don't experience this. A lot has been written about the ostensibly traumatic experiences of being an INTJ woman in the dating world. A distinction exists between the nature of people's dating experiences: As an INTJ female, most of my traits - be these strengths or weaknesses - have been extremely different from those of the majority of women.

The vast majority of men like these with whom I've interacted throughout life have at some point ended up romantically interested in me, and this whole notion of INTJ females having so much trouble with dating hasn't been confirmed by my actual experiences. It's funny how many women INTJ's complain, but have options to decide upon, and can enter into fulfilling relations. I think that's because women no matter what type they are, will always have a steady stream of suitors, so it isn't as difficult to find a mate.

INTJ women are on the other hand pursued, and that makes the dating world a hell of a lot simpler for them. Am I the only one that believes that we have really strong feelings actually and they are deep inside, protected and not on the surface for everyone to see. I don't believe in someone's feelings if they arise after just meeting a few times. It takes time to know someone for real, the depths, the different sides of a person.

And it's not that I can't date, I know how to be someone's dreamgirl, I just can't as I would lose respect for myself. Also I don't want to waste my time on some superficial shit, I want real raw loyalty.

Introverted Intuition in INTJ Love & Relationships

Know we are together. I don't want to tell someone what I feel for them. I want that person in my life who can read me like my thoughts are naked. That's what thrills me. You can say we are judging but if the judgement is usually right, I think we are good at reading people. It's patterns and if it is considered genius when it comes to other things then why is t judging when it comes to human beings. I used to watch people during a job and tell a whole story about someone by looking at their shoes.

I still do sometimes. So yeah if a guy comes up to me and opens his mouth to speak, and the words fit the mold and I realize I was even soft on him, because I'm sweet like that, I keep some space for you to change what I see, then I can't. I just goddamn can't waste my time.

Especially when they fucking touch you on the arm or shoulder and you just cringe For an INTJ, everything can be black and white. You're either a good match or you're not. And once you've established that, you're always right and if a partner needs encouragement, then you're not a good match. Thankfully, we're smart enough to realize that's probably not how the world works. Feelers need to feel good about the relationship, and that won't happen if INTJs get locked in our roles as cold, somewhat distant logicians who expect a love "set up" to just run smoothly because we invested so much on the front end.

Relationships with feelers need constant maintenance and spontaneity. The article is true. It would take time for me to choose a loved one or romantic partner. What if I actually AM more intelligent, driven, passionate than any of them. Guys like more extroverted women, ideally a bit more stupid than they are. So according to this article, we should just all become a bunch of ESFP's. That would be completely fake and I would be attracting someone I most likely wouldn't want to be around. I tend to think if we are going to apply personality to relationships, we might as well focus on finding people we natually like being around rather than pretending to be something we aren't.

I didn't read everyone else's comments until after I wrote mine. I am glad to see other INTJ's see this in a similiar way. I am an isfj dating an intj. We have been dating for the last three years and I only just found out that he is an intj!! And our S and T really clash quite a lot. I just started reflecting on how I respond in these situations I'm unqualified to date. I sent a link to a guy who wanted to date me because he wanted to correct me before checking. Then someone outside my social class contacts me and I HAD to go ahead and get all logical and tell him I'm not the woman for him.

INTJ Lair // Advice to Those Dating INTJs

He must know me and what he wants because he asked me to call him. Then these other two IDK what but didn't give them a chance.

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A other one a successful lawyer but has BPD or emotionally immature- fun af though. Now that I'm grown enough to know that's the M. This blog post is laughable at best. While it's true that when I was younger, I was clueless about romance No matter the type of couple hetero, gay, lesbo. For example, when a woman says "she is fine" when she is not, it's her test to see if the man cares enough to open her up emotionally with presence and action. But what she is actually pissed off at the weakness of the man, that caused her to go in her masculine which she doesn't like and if prolonged over time, the sexual polarity will fade away.

The INTJ male wants to find ways to grow as a person, and dislikes the idea of being held back by a lack of knowledge. They will often spend their time researching new topics until they feel like they have learned as much as they can about that subject.

They want to understand the world around them, and dislike ignorance more than anything else. INTJ males also carry this hunger for growth into their relationships, wanting to constantly be improving things. If an INTJ feels like they are stuck in a stagnant relationship, they will certainly not want things to progress.

They will often analyze the situation before getting too deep into a relationship with someone. They will take the time to be sure that the person they are committing to is right for them, especially since they take their commitments very seriously. Once they find someone who challenges them, they will certainly be willing to commit to that person long term.

For the INTJ male relationships are rarely flighty things, they often will not waste their time and energy with someone who they cannot see improving their lives. They also want to be sure that they can improve the lives of those around them, and they work very hard to do this. The INTJ will spend time researching those closest to them in order to understand them as much as they possibly can.

They want to be able to find ways to improve their lives and help them grow. There is nothing worse than staying stagnant for an INTJ, and they will often see it as a life completely wasted. It is not a misconception that INTJs dislike emotional situations and will distance themselves from them.

They truly dislike being around overly emotional people, and might even find themselves become short tempered with those individuals.