May 6, Online Dating Startups and Companies Although not asking questions in a conversation reads like a lack of interest, I think it is more commonly the result of .
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- What's up with the one sentence replies? Online dating edition. | Ask MetaFilter
- The men who ask no questions
They're not very good at conversation, or talking to women. It's like they don't get that they have to give you something to be interested in. They don't know what to say without a direct prompt. Not everyone is good in text or online. See what they're like in person if you can get to a point where that interests you.
I think guys who aren't interested tend not to reply. He's probably not interested. That is what that means in the context of online dating. If you're like me and you've been chatting with people online for half your life, it is easy to forget that some people literally have never done it before, or simply don't have the knack for text banter.
Most Viewed in Lifestyle
He could be one of those. This advice won't help you decipher the intentions of any given individual who sends you a one-line response, but in the long term keeping it in mind might protect your opinion of humanity from the psychic hammer of online dating. Here are 4 possibilities: As more of a meta suggestion, though, if this is happing to you repeatedly, try a different approach. People tend to ask and get asked the same dull questions over and over in early dating. Personally it turns me off being on the receiving end of that.
I don't want to explain what I do for fun or where I work for the umpteenth time, I want to talk to someone who entertains me. Personally I like to sidestep that by going full anecdote. Instead of "hey, how was your day? A fun story prompts follow ups and encourages the other person to share fun stories in return. So if it's not this one guy, and you're often encountering these less than loquacious fellows, you should change your approach.
If he seems worth it "on paper" in other aspects, then it can't hurt to give him a chance. Just try not to read too much into it. I do find someone people write different than they talk. In writing, they are curt and don't express their feelings very much, whereas in person they will go on about something and flow with conversation. That being said, when you're getting to know a stranger online in written communication, it's common sense that you have to make some effort. If you're getting curt replies without any follow-up questions or even some details or a joke, then the guy is probably a dud who doesn't have much to say, or lacks basic social skills.
I would try to not stick with online communication too long, but if you can't get past "hello" without getting anything to work with, then I think it's a waste of time. Go with your gut. I have had ZERO luck online dating, but I do have many male friends who are horrible at emails a one-line response five days later but very good at conversational back and forth. Don't forget that you can also get the insecure types who are desperate to hide their interest!
But the thing is, it's dating - you're there to make a connection. I would cut my losses if I were you. I think this just goes with the territory. Online dating is notorious for flakers and no-shows. It could be worse. I've been stood up by dates on OkCupid when I tried it years ago.
At least these guys have the decency to stand you up in text. I don't know what site you are on, but OkCupid and maybe others shows an indicator of how often someone responds to messages something like: So you could read the one line back as 'uninterested but I don't want to look like I never respond to people in case that puts other people off contacting me'. I've noticed this too since I started online dating again.
My theory is that there are many people who now only access the site through their phone, and treat the site's email feature like text message. It's annoying and possibly an indication that when the acquaintance progresses they're going to except to have those pointless text 'conversations' rather than actual conversations so I gladly move on from these people.
I wouldn't bother responding to a one line reply that doesn't further the conversation or prompt for a reply. I've gotten this a few times I don't send a lot of messages because I've just never had much luck initiating on ok cupid and my gut reaction was always the guy wasn't particularly interested but was being polite. Guys don't get tons of messages like women so I think most have not had to adopt the somewhat cutthroat approach women do of generally only replying very selectively in order to make the sheer volume of spammy messages manageable.
When I did okcupid my theory was that they didn't like me. It didn't want to be rude. I got it not infrequently from guys I messaged and it never went anywhere with any of them. I wouldn't wase your time with them. I used to do this on okcupid I'm female, though. What it meant when I did it is that the person's profile had enough in it that made me want to write back, but that I really hate the common conversation format of online dating messages and just couldn't bear to do it: Did a person really have to know how long I'd been kickboxing to know whether he wanted to meet me?
Instead of asking questions, have you considered just sending some sincere comments and a request for a date? Like "I noticed you listed x, y, and z as things you like. I like them too. I laughed at the part of your profile that said x. How are you doing? He will give a whole lot more information. And not in an annoying way either, we get into real great back and forth conversations about a variety of things. I think I had figured that if I did it was all pretty uninteresting stuff. An interested man wants to learn more about you if his interests are more than physical.
Even if he is shy he asks questions. Be observant of those who do not. He is just trying to impress you, dancing around you sort of speak. You know how those birds do when they try to impress a female? I was married 25 years to a guy who didnt let me ask questions. It has taken several years for me to ask questions again… never meant that I wasnt interested, or didnt want to know though! Just learned that it was safer not to ask….
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I think this is just plain rude. I reckon these types of men are probably not even aware how self absorbed they are being. I would either ditch him or do as Janet says.
- Topic: He never asks questions;
- He never asks questions.
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- When girls respond, but do not ask questions : OkCupid.
Meaning I hurt a lot… Definitely we love quick and with all our heart buh we have been hurt a lot that now all we do is try to help ourself not to care enough.. We are lonely souls.
What's up with the one sentence replies? Online dating edition. | Ask MetaFilter
Men do not communicate in questions, so this whole thread is feeling like advise from women who do not understand men very well. They communicate by comment to comment, so if they are engaging with what you said, that is them showing interest. If they turn it back to them with no link to your questions, then they are not interested…. I was dating a guy similar to the type you are describing. He was very shy and not much of a talker.
The men who ask no questions
So I would initiate talks revolving getting to know each other. When I asked him a question about his life, he would almost always ask me the same question back. A passive guy all around and sort of lazy. Anyway, long story short — he turned out to actually be a player.
Players are not interested in anything more than the superficial. I am not saying your guy is a player but if I were you, I would look at any other signs of disinterest from him. Could be he is just shy. If you see player type behavior in conjunction with this, run as fast as you can! My colleague was stressing over something similar. She stumbled on this site and then sent it to me for my thoughts. Do you all not understand that we are not the same? In our very essence we are different, but those differences are absolutely wonderful….
Shame on us, women!! The majority of men and there will always be exceptions do not ask questions in machine gun fashion as women do. Pay closer attention to what he does than what he says. That demonstrates that he cares enough to use his mental space to remember things about you. That demonstrates that he wants you to understand what a good worker he is, etc. We spend far too much time expecting and even to some degree wanting men to think and communicate as we do.
We look for meaning in every comma and lacking exclamation point. Instead, we should consider what it is that men want from the conversation and subsequent relationship with us… they want someone with whom they can share everything … that means they need someone with whom they can feel safe, not judged, not chastised, not corrected. They are truly looking for someone they can share their most guarded emotions with… because men have them!
My advice to the original poster, put your pride aside. None of these outcomes is good. If you were my friend, I would advise you not to continue with him. Even if he is clueless, as another poster suggested, do you really want to date someone who does not understand the basic rules of social interactions? Hmm, all of your observations and comments are quite interesting.
According to some articles, I think that men would take that as a sign that they are incapable or need help. Usually it is an indication of deeper issues, i. A person who is not interested in you.. If you see both sides of the story as equally valid, i. Clearly, if you posted here then you are not happy with it, and I dare say you have all reasons not to be. Lets not look and invent fancy explanations to simple things. A nice decent caring guy would not be behaving this way.
He wants to tell me, so he tells me. Great comments and insight from both, could very well be true but not quite ready to give up, just yet. Another friend had the same comment as M in that, some people feel they are being respectful by not asking questions and allowing the other person to share what they care to share. I am the opposite in that I want to know how a person feels, what they think, what they admire, dream of, love, hate, on and on.
Maybe some people feel that is rude and too intrusive. So, I will take the next leap and ask if he is curious about me or would like to know more about me.