Do you find yourself gravitating towards dating a certain type? We find out what science and sociology have to say about who we choose to be.
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So what is it about the physical attraction, do they say what it is? Yes, majority, majority of Asian woman appeal to be petite and they particularly like the petite type figure or physical attributes, if you call, and the dark complexion and hair and the way they present themselves. They take a pride in their looks. Apart from the physical attraction they think Asian women are friendly, they're more approachable, they're gentle, they attracted to their mentality, attitude, outlook on life, and they're appearing to be more family orientate in lots of ways.
And what, so that's what the men are looking for. What are the women looking for? Women, blue eyes, blond hair, strong, tall body so there's lots of Asian women are attracted, physically attracted to the Caucasian men. That's why I fall in love with him. I say you're so lucky, you have a full set of beautiful hair, that's what I fall in love with.
And are there any groups that you don't deal with or won't deal with in your business? Yes, lots of Caucasian men want very young age of Asian ladies. So one guy particularly, it's very funny, so he's 68 or something, he wants someone I said tell me why you think this lady would like to go on date with you. He says someone else can do it. I don't know if I should mention the name, someone famous, right? The Australian media guru married a very, very, very, very young woman lady.
Anyway, he said if he can do it, why can't I? I says if you have what he has, I can give you what you want. So he said well, you can't help me so I said obviously. So for the people they don't look themselves at reality, so I don't take them on. Okay, and what about if people come to you and they say that they want something in a person that you find distasteful, how do you deal with that? I hardly come across someone really, really bad. But I'm here to help genuine singles, Australian and Asian singles, find their true love. So I'm sure they get the message.
Jennifer, I know that you've looked at preferences with on-line dating does race come into that and if it does, what's the hierarchy? Yes, well we find that race is actually a primary deciding factor. We find that when people send an initial message to another dater, homophily is what social scientists call the trend and that is people tend to contact people who look just like themselves in terms of race. So that is the most common.
White daters contact white daters, it's true across sexual preference as well. But when people have the opportunity to respond to groups of people who have contacted them, what we find is that there is a racial hierarchy. So men of all races are about equally likely to respond to women, Asian women, Latino women, I'm talking about heterosexuals right now, and white women. However, unfortunately, there tends to be less of response rates to African American daters who contact them.
So African American women seem to be very marginalised on the on-line dating market. With women it's very interesting.
Dating Race | SBS News
So women tend to respond first and foremost only to white men and this is true regardless of race, of the woman's racial identity. So white women respond primarily to white men and we also find that African American women, Asian women and Latino women also respond primarily to white men first. Okay, so is there any explanation, do you have an explanation for why that hierarchy is as you describe it in America? We can speculate that men, male daters tend to be more racially open generally, but what I do have to say, however, there are more men than are there women on these websites and men are much more likely to send messages and to respond to messages than women are.
So some have argued, well it's not necessarily that men are more racially open, it's that they have less of a market to interact with. What about gays then in terms of their preferences and their choices because there's a smaller pool to start with in terms of, in terms of choice? Yeah, that's exactly right and because the US census just started collecting information on gay and lesbian cohabitation, and it looks like gays and lesbians have higher rates of interracial unions and the argument is that okay, is it that gays and lesbians have more, are more racially open than straights?
Or is it exactly as you just said, a thinner dating market, you know, less of a choice. We find again a very gendered effect. The effect is more about gender than sexual identity. Lesbians look very similar to white men in their racial preferences. That is being more open racially, whereas gay men look much more similar to straight women, being less open to racial groups. Sen, I wonder what you think about hearing that, you've got a Tamil background.
Does that sit with your experience. Do you find you have preferences for certain specific groups? Well certainly when I was growing up I used to kind of dream of the prince charming, the knight in shining white armour, you know, where effectively, you know you've got these kind of representations and so your fantasy of, you know, the perfect guy is white in your head. Now it's changed, I've had a kind of a broad dating history now which we won't get into.
But certainly, but certainly, you know, growing up I've managed to kind of confront that and kind of mix it up a little bit. I just wanted to basically say that the reason that a lot of black women in the US are actually dating out now is because of the demographics. Within the black community, there's a lot of cultural enforcement for a term called "nothing but a black man". You want to basically marry a black guy and basically within, stay within your community.
However, you've got to the point now in the United States that if every single black man and every single black woman that were available met up together and got partnered, there'd be 1. Hi, I just wanted to comment on that. I think my preference is for black men and that's simply because I don't want to be someone's fantasy or fetish and I think for a lot of black women the main thing is when men come up to you, they're dating you solely because you're black. But you want someone who dates you because they like who you are. I think I'll disagree with that because that's also another stereotype, because you're saying a black man's going to date you because you're also black.
My husband had absolutely no preference for black women, he just wanted someone that he connected with and we met and we got on and we got married.
My question is then are you not stereotyping Caucasian men by saying that you only date Caucasian men because they're less, less patriarchal than African men? Is that not a stereotype as well? I'm attracted to Caucasian men. You know, we live in a society full of choice, why does somebody like dark chocolate instead of white chocolate? Why does someone like milk chocolate instead of peppermint chocolate? You know, I'm very proud to be black because I think there is this stereotype, but if you prefer to date outside of your race, you've got self-loathing, you've got self-hatred issues.
I don't, I'm very proud to be black, I'm proud of my African heritage. I just like what I like and that's all there is to it. I don't think I have to justify my choices to anyone. I just, I'm more attracted to Caucasian men. I was going to say you're right, you don't have to justify your choices, but I think that's one of the things that if you're about to go into an interracial relationship, you have to consider because society does judge you. They judge the motives behind the two people that happen to be in love. Why are they together in the first place? Is it because someone's trying to get immigration papers or is it because someone's trying to, you know, sort of move up in society in terms of their social standings or whatever?
Based on stereotypes of course. Yeah, definitely, because you've got to look at the cultural factors when you get married. I mean some people would say western culture is more individualistic. Where I'm from it's not, it's very family orientated. I'm not against interracial dating. I am saying though if it is based on a fantasy or an idea of okay, Asian women are more docile or African women, you know, I read this book or whatever, then it's a no because you're trying to fulfil your fantasy. You're not looking for a life partner so that's a big difference.
I generally, I'm more inclined to date African men and that's simply because of my experience. If I met an Australian man who approached me and had a normal conversation that didn't involve some sort of stereotypical comment, I'm open to that. Have you been on the receiving end of those stereotypical comments?
Comments like oh, big black booty girl. I love that, or I finally got myself a Rhianna. I don't even look like her. So I have received those kind of comments so that's where I'm, I guess I'm more wary. I'm kind of like well, why are you here? Oh, I've had lots of stereotypes. Somebody actually asked me once are you from Sudan and you know, are you a refugee?
And I was utterly gobsmacked because even if I was, you know, what does that have to do with anything? And how did you meet your husband? Some people think because you're a black woman you're going to be more dominant, you're going to be kinky or - and I encountered this when I was dating. I tried on-line dating and there were people saying oh, my God, you're black, do you do this.
Do you do that and I'm like seriously? You know, it was completely ridiculous. Your aunties had some very strong opinions about black men, didn't they, when you were growing up? I used to hear things growing up like, for example that they're going to womanise and of course Caucasian men womanise just as much, go with other women. They don't help around the house with chores and just, you know, just negative stereotypes. I did grow up with a lot of those and perhaps subconsciously that did shape my choice. Do you think there's a point where that tips into racism or can tip into racism?
I suppose yes, it can be to a certain extent. But I don't think it's racist to have a preference. If you prefer to date someone that's your own race or someone that's Asian, people should not condemn you for your choices. Yes I have, I've been called a Bounty, that's black on the outside and white on the inside. I've been called a coconut, I've got self-hatred issues, I'm not proud of being black, the list goes on and on because of my choices.
And people can think what they like, you know, I'm not really bothered by that. I know what I like and I don't have to justify my choices to anybody. I think it does. You know, if we stereotype ourselves into boxes where we think that we're only attracted to one race of people or one kind of people that it's limiting, not only for ourselves but for other people as well. It can have a really negative effect on people's self-esteem and especially if people express themselves and say that they won't date somebody from another race, that's quite racist. Okay, Mike, your response to that, putting limits by saying only black women?
I mean people have a personal preference for who they date in their lives and they've got a multitude of reasons behind that. I don't see it really as being like anything too out of the ordinary to be quite honest. I mean do we complain that white people only date white people? You know, I mean that's the norm, isn't it? So I don't see any problem, like we are all human beings for goodness sake.
Basically within the small community that I'm part of we basically emphasise you date character first. But you're putting race first, you're saying you're putting it first. No, but I mean that's just the preference that I start out from, but then you have to look for the character behind, that is behind, you know, the person. Okay, Denton, I know that you've got a view on this, you look at race preferences in the gay community, what do you think?
I would actually argue this is all an expression of racism and that comes from, you know, the social science perspective, that we can be and frequently are racist without meaning to. And when it comes to race in particular we need to ask, you know, am I inadvertently reproducing a hierarchy, am I shutting people out who are already marginalised? Of course the counter argument to that is when people do engage in interracial relationships, that ultimately we do see these same types of power dynamics play out.
Of course everyone's experience is different, but we see really clear and consistent trends when it comes to so-called racialised attraction and that doesn't just happen by accident. White values, certainly in countries like the United States or Australia, white identities are consistently valued, but we know that those racialised as Indian, Aboriginal, and occasionally Asian tend to be consistently devalued identities.
Jennifer, you found that being mixed race can be a real asset in on-line dating, explain that to us? Something about white bi raciality with another race people find compelling, very attractive and perhaps it's safer. You can still be open minded, interested in someone different from yourself, but still not quite as different as someone of a completely different race. That would be my speculation behind it. Bill Von Hippel, what does science say about mixed race people and attractiveness, and the notion of attractiveness?
Because when two people of different races have an offspring together and because most of the bad genes that we carry tend to be recessive, then those bad genes won't express them in their body and in their mind. And so, on average, we see what we call hybrid vigour from like agriculture, that the offspring of multi-racial, multi-racial offspring actually are more attractive. They often are taller than their parents, although we see that generationally quite commonly, but they often are much more attractive as well and so it's quite possible that people are responding to them more positively simply because they look healthier and more attractive.
But you still say that for all those rules there's very little we can predict when we're actually presented with something unexpected? That's right, if we don't yet understand a lot of the factors that predict who's going to be attracted to whom. We know that factors that we don't necessarily think about consciously matter a lot, like scent, we know sometimes resemblance to one's own parents, there's lots of factors that play a role really rather unconsciously and we don't yet have a good handle on those.
One thing that we find that's very interesting is if you look at people's preferences, their racial preferences that they state in their profile, many American daters will say I don't want to date Middle Easterners, for example, and this was particularly strong after , but what we find is that their behaviours do not in any way reflect that. When you come into contact with a real live human being they realise that these mark or these ethnic identities are so often cut up in stereotypes due to our isolation from one another, that contact with one another makes a huge difference in forming our preferences.
So preferences are really an interactive process. Okay, we do have to wrap up. Anyone rethinking this as a result of this discussion? What do you reckon Linda? No, no, I'm not, I'm not fixated though. So if there's anyone out there who thinks I'm amazing, you know? Okay, we do have to leave it there.
Thank you all very much, fascinating discussion, really enjoyed it and that is all we have time for here but there is a lot more to talk about of course on Twitter and Facebook. Tell us who you're attracted to and why. Signout Register Sign in. Previous Next Show Grid. Previous Next Hide Grid. Do you find yourself gravitating towards dating a certain type?
Sexual attraction, like love, can be enigmatic and complex to explain. In this program first broadcast in , we explore inter-racial dating and cross cultural love. I really don't have a rational explanation as to why, I just am. What appeals to you about them? Got to a laugh, yeah. And yeah, I just. Now you're married to a white Australian man? And you've never dated an African man? Okay, Linda, what about you, who do you date?
And what are you drawn to about African men? So you like difference? Who did you prefer to date? Would you look at other races or just black women?
So when did this attraction start for you, how did it start? There's one in particular? Okay, it's the Cosby Show. Mainly, mainly for Felicia Ashard, Claire Huxtable. She's married by the way? Just saying, just saying that. So you went to the dance with the one black girl in the school? And that kicked it off? If I had any kind of reservations before I didn't have any after, so. Had you dated other Korean men before Han? So how did you meet? So you didn't expect to date a white woman? Okay, so had you gone out with any white women before Sophie? I just only dated Korean woman before I met Sophie.
But you were going out during this time, yes? Why, why did you think that? And you went to an all white school? And you've never dated a white man? Okay, so proximity just hasn't come into it? So what's your preference Ida? Okay, in a sense of a longer term relationship? So that affects who you're attracted to? Pure and simply because I wanted someone that could speak English. There are a lot of people in the world who can speak English.
Okay, so you're looking for an Asian wife in a sense? In what sort of ways? Made contact with her via Yahoo Messenger you proposed? And you hadn't met her in person? No, no, only on webcam, like, you know? So you were surprised? Were you specifically looking for a western husband? Yes, I'm like, I'm attracted to Caucasian also. And what are you attracted to about Caucasian men? I could see it in my two brothers-in-law and they are like responsible. Yeah, and then we did it, we got married just like that.
Edelisa, had you ever dated Filipino men? Yeah, yeah, I had a child from Filipino. And had you dated other races at all?
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Anyone relate to any of that?? So what are the most popular events? Let's have a look. I'm looking for a good man. It doesn't matter where he comes from MAN 3: Do you speak Italian? Marianna, it brought a big laugh here, why? John, do you think it's a stereotype? Where isn't there a demand? For example Caucasian looking for Asian ladies or vice versa. Okay, but what do those men say they're looking for? And your husband is sitting right there beside you?
Whose initials might be RM perhaps? Mike, what did you want to say? Okay, okay, over here, yes? Not my only reason for dating Caucasian men. It's just a question. Anyone else, yes Ida? The Melbourne couple got engaged after three months of chatting online, and he proposed before they even met in person. John and Edelisa Carroll met on a dating site called FilipinoCupid. Sydney couple Han and Sophie Song will also appear on the show and reveal, despite a language barrier, they hit it off straight away. Ghanaian-born Ida Harding disagreed with the other show guests, as her preference was to date black men.
The show will also hear from dating experts and matchmaking services that specialise in cross-cultural matches.
Insight: Dating Race
According to her, one study found heterosexual men of all races respond to all women except for African American, and that women of all races respond first to caucasian men. Dating race airs tonight at 8. Log in No account? Sign up Log out news. Dating Race - Yuliana 0: