We've rounded up the craziest stories from various Reddit threads that will make you want to thank your lucky stars your last date was just a.
Table of contents
- 21 First-Date Horror Stories To Remind You That Romance Is Dead
- 21 First-Date Horror Stories To Remind You That Romance Is Dead | HuffPost
- Date Horror Story #2: First Date Puking Karma
- 15 First-Date Horror Stories To Remind You That Romance Is Dead
You might have thought you had a date from Hell, but did you ever date somebody who claimed to know the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? At the end he tried to kiss me so I dodged, tripped over a curb, and broke my fibula while falling into traffic. The guy got down in the road with me, moved my hair behind me ear and said, 'We could tell people that we fell in love. He looks at me with a shrug and goes 'Eh!? I complimented his American traditional style tattoo and his response was: We had been texting casually for a few weeks.
No big deal, I thought, I needed a ride. Sheila was back in town because she was on parole from an embezzlement charge. Grace was on parole for second degree manslaughter , pled down from murder. Her second trip through the system. Grace had followed us all night , and beat up the doorman to find out which apartment we were headed for. The doorman called the police, explaining their seemingly rapid arrival.
I was released, but both Grace and Sheila went away with the officers , heading back to prison for various parole violations. So when he moved to London, we finally went on a date. I was super nervous, so I had some Dutch courage before… Maybe a bit too much, then carried on drinking once I met up with him. I was holding it all in my mouth, but so much vomit came up that it just exploded everywhere.
21 First-Date Horror Stories To Remind You That Romance Is Dead
Then he passed me the cup where I continued to vomit after I had covered his penis with sick. The guy I was talking to seemed nice enough. We were chatting about politics which I studied and seemed to agree on a lot, so I was expecting a certain kind of personality when we met. He asked me out for that weekend and kept bragging about how much money he was going to spend. When we met up, he was thrilled to inform me that we were going to Pizza Express.
We were seated and he proceeded to tell me about his day at work — throwing around six figure sums of money and telling me about asshole clients. About 20 minutes in, he finally asked about my day. I replied, and he found a way to talk about money again. We ordered, and I got water. He commented on my choice, reminding me that he was paying, and insisted that I order a drink. He interrupted, pulled out his ID and said the drinks were all for him.
I was getting ready to find an excuse to leave , but the food arrived and he started talking about silly stuff he did as a kid. I passed our waitress on the way out, and suggested she get someone else to take him the bill before he decided to leave without paying. I was making out with this guy on the side of the road. Things started heating up and I gave him a blowjob.
The police caught us and I just said we were just kissing. We were both shocked. I found out that he had given me a different name, the car was a disability car and that he was a carer for his mum. We started off on a good note. She was on time. I was on time. She liked weird fantasy books. I liked weird fantasy books. Things were going well. At the end of the date, she leaned in toward me and we kissed. It was one of those beautiful, floating-on-a-cloud type of kisses. I think she meant it to be a playful, innocent sort of bite.
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Instead, she took a chomp out of me. I felt like she was trying to bite my lip off. Needless to say, I shouted in pain. My lip was suddenly bleeding heavily.
21 First-Date Horror Stories To Remind You That Romance Is Dead | HuffPost
I pulled away quickly, but not before some of the blood from my lip got into her mouth. She instinctively spat the blood back out on me. It landed on my face and shirt. A little landed in my eye, stinging. Not exactly what I needed to hear as I desperately cratered my bleeding lip.
Date Horror Story #2: First Date Puking Karma
I grabbed a bunch of napkins and stuffed them in my mouth. When I looked back up, she was gone. We met on a Tuesday night. Stayed up all night drinking and talking. I sobered up a bit, we went to his bed, he fell asleep mid-BJ and I went to sleep for about 45 minutes. Then, I got up, went to work with my first hangover, had an awful day at work because of said hangover, then went back to his place that night. He had made me a key to his place. After I had met him once. The rest of the evening though, he kept telling me that he loved me , my body was his to do with as I pleased for as long as I wanted him, that I was his Mama Bear , etc.
I figured I could deal with it for the night and break the news to him the next day, so we went to bed. He told me to relax and 'jiggled' my 'arm fat'. Proceeded to say "You'll do. I usually like them taller and more in shape. Eventually, he asked if we could have separate checks. Me being me, I looked him dead in the eye, then at the waitress and said 'No, he will be paying for my side salad.
She didn't see and fell to the ground. You know those times where you aren't supposed to laugh? Turns out that was one of those times. The foot h umper. He seemed nice enough. Met up a few days later at my place to have a TV marathon. We had the sexy time. It had been quiet a few months since I had last had the sexy time. He started humping my foot while going down on me.
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I had to tell him to stop. I ended up flipping him over and jumping on top until I was done.
15 First-Date Horror Stories To Remind You That Romance Is Dead
I made him jack himself off to finish. The blind date from hell. At the table, he tells me he can't drink because of his 'bladder' infection, then, during dinner, he imitates his elderly dad on the john trying to deal with constipation. Literally made pushing noises while holding the sides of the chair. Sometimes love hurts, literally. I washed and cleaned my car. I took a shower with fancy soaps, trimmed my nest of pubes, powdered my balls, and shaved my face. I drove up to her house, shook hands with her mother, met the family, made jokes and broke the ice.
I was still nervous, but it was subsiding, and I was on my way to victory. I remembered to open the car door for her and proceeded to slam the door on her leg as she was getting situated. On the freeway on the way home, I just couldn't 'hold it' anymore. My date kindly and quickly pulled off the road on an offramp, and I jumped out.
It was desert terrain In the cool night air, with only my date's car shielding me from the freeway, I had to relieve myself to end my gastrointestinal torture. When I was done