I am an introvert dating an extrovert

As an introvert, I oddly find myself drawn to people who are much more outgoing than I am. It's been pretty beneficial in many ways, from helping me get out of.
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Extroverts are hooked on dopamine, a chemical that provides motivation to seek external rewards. When extroverts are in a social situation, dopamine floods their brains, and they feel on top of the world. The dopamine reward network of the brain is much more active in extroverts. For introverts, acetylcholine is their brain chemical. As is the case with dopamine, acetylcholine is linked to feelings of pleasure, energy, and happiness, but is released when we turn inward, rather than outward.

It helps us become reflective, and to think deeply and focus on one thing for long periods of time. Extroverts derive energy and pleasure from socializing and stimulation. Their inner lives are just as rich and vibrant as your own—you just need to learn how to play with their fire instead of simply enduring it.

You might have entered into this relationship thinking that you could show your partner the light, that you could drag them to a library or a quiet museum and that they would suddenly have an epiphany about how shallow and insipid his or her life has been up until now. No one should have to change their personality to suit a partner.

Habits, yes—but not their personality. Accepting them as they are is the first step to successfully dating an extrovert. The second step to dating an extrovert is to learn to see their bright side. Extroverts are attractive people. Stop focusing on the negatives, and these positives will begin to rise to the surface.

5 Ways to Deal When You're Married to an Introvert - PureWow

Positivity is also incredibly attractive to an extrovert—your happiness will leave them energized and feeling alive. Extroverts desire, above all, connection. And you, dear introvert, have that ability in abundance. While it may seem counterintuitive, extroverts need those in-depth conversations and meaningful moments, and so learn to appreciate and take advantage of their talkativeness in order to have the weighty talks you so crave from time to time. Do you need two days to yourself a week? Does an hour at the club make you hit your limit? Do you pale at the thought of surprise dinner parties?

Disappointment and anger ensue. We've been together for sixteen and a half years. The most important thing I can tell you right now is to absolutely ruthlessly root out any sense that shyness or introversion is a character flaw or something to be overcome. It is a fundamental part of who your partner is.

If you can't or are unwilling to love this part of her as much as you love the rest of her, you need to move on, because nobody wants to be in a relationship with someone who is waiting for them to get over their personality. If you stay with this person, then a major part of your relationship is going to be you going out while she stays home, and you entertaining friends in the living room while she reads a book in the bedroom. Examples are illustrative, not predictive. This is not because she is uncomfortable and resentful, it is because that's what she wants to be doing and it makes her happy.

If you need someone who is going to be happy going out with you and doing the things that you do, then this woman is not that person, and expecting her to be will only lead to heartache. I love my introverted husband. I love him because he's an introvert, not despite it, though. You need to be able to do the same for this to work out.

The reason everyone is telling you to break up with her is because you seem to want a different answer than that. I've been the introvert half of that relationhip, and it did not work out. These days I'm with someone who is still much more extroverted than I am, but not to the extent that my ex was, and we do make it work.

It takes a good mix of him going out alone sometimes, me sucking it up and being social sometimes, and planning ahead so we both know we're going to a party Friday and I'm therefore going to be drained and not up to socializing the rest of the weekend. And both of us realizing the other person's thing is not negative or wrong, just a different way of interfacing with the world. If you hadn't framed this with the negative personality trait stuff I'd be heartily encouraging you to keep talking it out and working on compromises.

But the way you talk about her makes me hesitant. Good luck, however this ends up. If you do want to give this relationship a go, this is where to focus your attention. Not on her and why she needs to change or you need to leave , but on you. With compassionate curiosity, look more deeply into your own reactions. What emotions and stories come up when she is being quiet in a group of your friends?

What do those emotions remind you of? What do you fear will happen? What are you making it mean? As an extrovert, one of your "character flaws" may be a lack of tendency to look inward, to witness and reflect on your own interior monologue. In other words, you might not know what you think until you hear what you say. I am an extrovert, and this happens to me all the time.

Talking with a counselor or a trusted friend can help in this process. I'd say maybe a little less of "you sound like a jerk, break up with her", and maybe a little more of "I was in this situation and we did this" Maybe because there aren't that many people for whom this has worked out. And please do realize that I love this woman. Then accept, without resentment, that she may never be able to fulfill your social expectations without likely a lot of personal stress and emotional upset.

Discuss with her everything you've mentioned here and try to reach a compromise. I don't think you're a jerk, I just think you are perhaps lacking a true understanding of how utterly fucking exhausting it is for introverts to be frequently put into social situations that they find stressful, and then face questioning about their already uncomfortable feelings afterwards. You obviously have empathy for your girlfriend's situation, so can you try to imagine how awkward it must have been for HER?

Although I can tell you what it will tell you, it's really really worth the read. I don't know why I even bother answering these kinds of questions with my own opinion when she has done it so much better. I have been in your situation, but as the introvert. Things have never worked out between me and an extroverted partner. I'm getting the "this guy is likely to stray" vibes from you and I really feel that you two should call it quits. I'm you in this situation, and my husband is your girlfriend. After 10 years together, I've learned that if I need to socialize, a lot of that socialization is going to happen without my husband.

We have some mutual friends, but I have lots of friends that I see on my own. She's not gonna change. Is the above something that is okay with you? Oh and I am an extrovert with social anxiety ouch and my partner is an introvert to the max. We do pretty well because--and this is key--my ideal life does not include an extroverted partner. That's the problem here. Not her introversion, but the fact that your ideal life includes a partner who can be a social butterfly with you.

I'm sorry this is so hard. Anyway, if I could request anything of future commenters, I'd say maybe a little less of "you sound like a jerk, break up with her", and maybe a little more of "I was in this situation and we did this" What people are telling you and what I agree with, as an introvert who has successfully dated extroverts is that your expectations of her are out of line and need to be adjusted in order to overcome this issue.

Her experience, mindset, and preferences are valid. She doesn't need fixing. What an extrovert like you needs to do in this situation is think through what you want and be realistic about whether this relationship can be that for you. It's okay if the answer is no. If the answer is yes, you need to figure out how to accept what you view as her limitations and not call her out on them or get upset about them.

She has chosen to go with you, to do something you enjoy. If she was really, truly miserable at an event, I'm assuming she could leave. Give her more permission to be be herself, and don't spend so much time monitoring her social engagement. By all mean, check in with her, make sure you talk to her and stand near her often in a social situation but don't obsess about how much she is talking.

Simply enjoy that she came to the event with you. I'm an introvert who was in a relationship for many years with an extrovert. He always had to be at every party and was always the last person to leave the bar at closing. Trying to keep up with him was exhausting for me. It worked well for a while when I could come and go as I pleased - go home before him and so on. However, things started to fall apart because he had no interest in the small dinners with friends that I wanted, and he also started to feel that I didn't "support" him enough socially.

On the other hand, I felt like he was a black hole of social need and nothing I did would ever be enough. It all ended badly, with him cheating with late night party girls, as permiechickie points out is a risk. I guess they were more supportive? If you really just want to figure out how to make this work, here's what I suggest I am a shy extrovert, if that means anything: Learn how to direct the flow of conversation so that she has things to add, or comment on; figure out which of your friends she has the most in common with, attempt to get them talking.

If this means finding people with whom she has things in common, and then essentially starting a conversation for them, do it. I hate when people do this to me.


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I can get over my shyness once I've become comfortable somewhere or with a certain group of people, but if I'm left to myself right away I will miserable. If she can handle hanging out in small groups, do that more often, or manufacture a situation in which people are more inclined to splinter into groups like this.

I can feel a million kinds of awkward in someone else's home, but if I have people over it's like a base level of comfort that makes it easier to talk and interact. She seems great for you in a lot of ways - awesome. She is never, ever going to be the social butterfly you think you want.

That is what other people your friends are going to be for. Putting less emphasis on dragging her along everywhere you go might help you appreciate the times she is willing to come out and socialize. This is a tricky dynamic to navigate, I would suggest giving it some time to see if it can work, but if you're having these same thoughts in, say, 6 months, it may be time to throw in the towel. I also made some concessions with him, since I knew he'd only be willing to socialize for a few hours at most. I'd get dropped off at a party and enjoy myself for the busiest parts of the night, and then when things started to wind down I'd call him for a ride and he'd spend an hour in the drunk and funny-to-watch diminishing crowd, talking to the few sober people left, and then we'd leave.

Knowing he only had to last an hour or so, he was a lot better with putting on a social persona as best as he could manage and when he was done we left. Knowing about the party a few days in advance and knowing I'd only ask that of him that weekend, he was more willing to try and stretch his limits. He liked how proud and happy I was for him to make that effort for me. We didn't break up because of his introversion, but I am dating someone now who's far more extroverted than I am I had no idea that's possible! And the shoe's on the other foot, I get worn out before he does in huge crowds of people I barely know.

So I've applied what I learned from the ex, and it's been working for us. You could be my boyfriend about two months ago. We were to the point of nearly breaking up because I'm more introverted than he is. My job and school require most of my social energy, so when he wanted to go to another party where I'd know one or two people at best, I had a bit of a breakdown. We spent a weekend talking about our different social needs, and we've readjusted, and have a lot of ways to accommodate each other.

It does require both of us to compromise. But we make it work because we love each other and want the other to be happy and comfortable. Here are some of the things we agreed on: We have a time limit on how long we're going to stay at parties. Part of my dread of parties was that we'd go at eight and stay until four, and I just don't have that in me.

So we agree on a time, and at that time I can say whether I stay or go. If I want to leave, he doesn't have to; he usually does, though. He manipulates the heck out of me in the best way possible. He talks up individual people to me, and says how much they want to talk to me about X. He mentions that so-and-so is really looking forward to meeting me. He steers conversations toward things that I care about. He gives me background on people so I can ask them about things. He makes it as easy as possible for me to talk with his friends. He's very attentive and inclusive when we're at parties together, so I don't ever feel like he's abandoned me.

We have and use a rescue-me signal. We've started going to more activity-focused events - running groups, bowling parties, a giant treasure hunt. I cope better with these. If I'm getting pouty or tired, I take a walk. Sometimes I just need five minutes alone. He'll pick one or two social things a weekend that he'd really really really like me to attend, and the rest are optional. We formed new weekly outings with his friends. There was something I didn't like about just joining in on his friends' weekly TV show viewings and game night and happy hour.

He lets me be quiet when I want to be quiet we have a signal for that, too. I've absolved him of all responsibility for me having a good time. I know that my SO has made a lot of accommodations for me. We're both making sacrifices, but not once has he asked me to change or not be myself. He gives me a lot of positive feedback when I make an effort, and he also compliments me on my more introverted traits.

You're not going to be able to change your girlfriend; the best you can do is to create an environment that puts up the fewest barriers to her sociability. The keys have been understanding that it's perfectly OK with her to go do my own things and have fun without her.

She doesn't mind and in fact likes having time to herself. In the beginning, it felt weird to me to do things without her. But now I can realize that she needs to recharge her batteries in quiet time, while I often recharge by doing new things and being out with people. Sometimes she does the quiet thing, sometimes she's the life of the party. I've learned to accept it as her being her and not a reflection on me or something I need to manage.

We have learned to be open about whether one of us wants to leave early or simply doesn't want to go somewhere. It's awkward at first to be honest and not so concerned about pleasing the other person, but it works out better in the long run. We tend to be OK letting the other one make decisions about our shared life. For example, I used to get very worked up if she tried to plan a vacation without going over all the details with me first.

Now she'll say, "Since we agreed to go on vacation this summer, I bought the plane tickets today. In the end it really doesn't matter, but in the past it would make me crazy. If you can get OK with giving up some control in the relationship, it will work out great. Among other things, you wrote, "Ideally, I'd have a mate who's EVERY relationship is like that! I don't think you should bail on this relationship if your main complaint is that she hates attending larger social funtions.

You two seem to be compatible on the "big" issues. YOU need to change your mindset, and just figure out how to deal with her introversion. Mainly it will probably mean "letting go" of a need that you seem to have for her to be a particular way, and accept her as she is. Unlike others here, I'm not alarmed by your thoughts of dating other people or wincing a little when she mentions your long-term future.

You are just fantasizing in response to the conflicts you're experiencing in your mind. My attitude is, go ahead and play out all kinds of scenarios in your head I do all the time! Just don't believe them. It sounds trite, but just try to always "count your blessings" when your thoughts turn negative, keep your mouth shut when in doubt, and ALWAYS treat her with the same level of courtesy and respect that you'd treat a work colleague - - and over time you will get used to it, and you will know acceptance.

I have introvert tendencies. Even in a group of people I know well, I can only tolerate so much togetherness before I have to go. My friends seem to accept that I'm the first to leave every party and that it has nothing to do with them, it's just that I have only so much energy for groups. I've stopped seeing this as a flaw.

It's a whole bundle of characteristics including strengths and weaknesses. Things that help me are people gently bringing me into the conversation, giving me openers, making me feel welcome. Structure helps - a group project or a game like Trivial Pursuit or Apples to Apples gives me something to do and makes it easier to talk and participate. It might also help for you to introduce her to your friends in very small groups. If she generally meets them in giant parties, that could explain why she is still uncomfortable with them.

It might also help if you can compromise - she goes to one larger outing a month with you, the rest of the time she gets to do her thing. I am more extroverted married to a fairly introverted man. Our best couple friends are the reverse -- he is very extroverted, she is very very! I will call my husband Hubs, and our friends Joe and Jane. I think it's harder for Joe than it is for me, because when you're married and in your 30s, wives are expected to be social directors and more of the socializing occurs through the wife maintaining the network of friendships and community relationships.

Another of our couple friends, where my husband sees the man literally every day and I only see the wife every couple of weeks, the men decided we should all have dinner together, and then they decided, "Let's tell our wives to set it up. Anyway, Jane is not, and never will be, a social director. Jane is SO shy it took me 18 months to convince her to come get a pedicure with me, even though she liked me. Joe has to do all the work to maintain their network of relationships -- and that gets harder as people start to have kids, etc. Moms network with other moms. I have the experience of going with my husband to a party and having to either leave him sitting like a lump to hold up the wall, or squire him around nursing the conversation along.

Neither was very much fun. Sometimes it's easier to go by yourself and not have to "babysit" your introvert. But here's the thing: As I've gotten older my husband and I have been together since our early 20s , I've realized that my husband is perfectly happy sitting and watching the party. He doesn't NEED me to babysit him. He finds himself a quiet corner and hangs out. People we know know that he's more quiet in social situations, and plenty of them will now go seek him out to chat for a few minutes when they need a party break -- but they mostly know he's unlikely to initiate a conversation at a party unless he has something he specifically wants to say.

Neither of them is ever going to work the room. Joe and I are the ones who pull friends into our orbits. Most of my husband's friends are also my good friends because I'm just more sociable. If it's important to you that you have a partner who can introduce you to more people and be the life of the party, then no, I don't think this relationship will work. I also think that it's harder for an extroverted man to be with an introverted woman than vice versa because of social expectations for couples as you age.

I guess how we deal with it is that it's just not that big a deal. I find my husband a restful person most of the time who's less frenetic than I am, socially, and it helps keep me grounded. I appreciate that about him, I don't resent it; and as I've gotten older and a bit more mature, I've realized that's part and parcel of the same thing that has him be not super-chatty at parties -- which isn't hurting anybody. And I can be social enough for the both of us. The description of your relationship is me introvert and my wife extrovert. We've been together for ten years now, so it can work.

It's not so much that I'm an introvert per se, but there are only a few people I know that I genuinely enjoy being around. None of my wife's friends are in this group. This avoids the whole "Why didn't you talk at the dinner party" argument. Don't put your lady in a situation you know she's not going to feel comfortable in and you'll argue a whole lot less, which will make you love and appreciate the several wonderful things you like about her.

I simply can't fake enjoying being around people that I don't feel comfortable or enjoy being around, and neither can I bet your GF. My wife and I spend time together when we go out and do many of the things you described, so we get plenty of quality time with each other. If this is a person you genuinely enjoy being around separate of the issues you described here, I'd try like heck to keep this relationship going, because while there are plenty of fish in the sea, there are only so many you'd want to bring home for dinner.

If you want to make it work, sit down and have a talk about how the two of you could make it work. Start with building mutual appreciation for your differences. You could have a pretty good respect building conversation with her about the positive aspects of your different approaches to socializing. Right now you both seem to be entrenched in your separate perspectives, when neither of them is really right or wrong. She's more of a depth person when it comes to people, and you're more of a breadth person.

Here's an exercise; both of you come up with a list of reasons for why being an introvert is awesome, and why being an extrovert is awesome. Then read your lists together and compare them. Here's a few ideas to start: Being an extrovert means you're exposed to a variety of perspectives.

It can be very grounding to know that nobody is exactly right. Being an extrovert is also fun because there are some things you just can't do by yourself, like crowd surfing or running a relay race. Being an introvert means that your few friends are often your friends for life.

You can pick up where you left off with them even if you haven't talked in a few months. You spend lots of time with them, so you know them really well; you remember details and quirks and have a lot of ridiculous little in jokes built up from years of knowing each other. It's a very intense form of intimacy, and it is very enjoyable. I'm sure you guys can think of more. You're supposed to be a team and support each other. Work on the problem together.

Good luck; speaking as a shy-ish extrovert, I do not envy the rock and hard place you're stuck between. I'm going to replace you with my husband and your girlfriend with me. I am not a social person at all and my husband does not press the issue. It's just how I am. There are times when I wish I was a social butterfly, but any effort on my part is met with my own insecurities that are deeply rooted and that are hard to change. I don't see this as a negative. It's who I am.

I love my husband because he is the opposite of me; he is very social. I have been with my husband for 7 years and not once has he gotten upset over my lack of enthusiam for some things that he enjoys.

Welcome to Reddit,

I am not upset with him when he wants to go out. I will put on a brave face this is my term, not applying it to your situation and "play the part", so to speak. He knows that I am doing this and is okay with it. I don't actively mean to be like this, it's who I am. If you love your girlfriend and see yourself being with her for the long term, you will find a way to love her introverted-ness. She is worth it. We both understand so much better where the other is coming from. I know that when I'm at party with him and wish I could be at home with a book, I've thought of his reasons for wanting me with him, and I feel better.

I have been dating an introvert for the past five years, and I am quite extroverted. Most of my social life is solo, I will spend the day with friends and he will stay home and do his own thing. I am fine with this, in fact, sometimes I prefer it. I can hang out with my friends without having to worry that our plans accommodate him, or that he finds our conversations boring, or feels left out.

If I was in your situation, with the dinner party, I would be less concerned that it was awkward for me that he wasn't talking, and more concerned that I had dragged him into a situation where he felt uncomfortable, or that I wasn't making enough effort to include him in conversation. Do you try and steer the conversation towards topics she is in interested in? Do you accept that she might have hit her capacity for socializing long before you do--and understand if she wants to call it a night early?

Maybe she meets your friends for dinner, and then heads home before you and your friends head out for drinks. Even if she stops being shy, that doesn't mean she is going to like social situations. My introverted boyfriend is actually much more outgoing and well-spoken than I am--he is just an introvert. He just finds social situations draining and would often prefer to avoid them. I have friend couples where one is really extroverted and one is really introverted and it works.

In these cases, they both come out and the introverted one is quiet and no one cares. We talk to the extroverted one a lot, the introverted one less because they seem not to want to. The introverted one is always polite though, just on the quiet side. I would consider myself extroverted and would have a hard time with someone who came with me places and just didn't talk.

But it works for these people because they don't feel like they need to care for each other in social situations. I think this is the key for you here. So there's a lot in your question I recognize. In fact, some part of me could have written a close version of it once upon a time. I don't consider myself an extrovert and definitely wouldn't be considered one by those who know me best , but I do need to go out into the world, even and sometimes especially to places where I don't know anyone.

Even if I'm by myself and I don't really talk to anyone, being out and about and around people on my way home from work makes me feel better sometimes than just heading home to the guy I love, who'd rather not join me. When I met him, I would have thought he was hugely extroverted - he had a huge circle of acquaintances and was popular among them I knew of him long before I met him , but as I fell in love with him, I realized that he was a boisterous introvert.

He's not misanthropic, but given the choice, a lot of the time, he'd rather just be with the people to whom he's closest.


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  • We were besotted and loved spending time together, and it never felt like there would be any sort of issue, even after a few years together, even after he moved in with me. But eventually, as we got into patterns, I defaulted to his preference, and though I still loved and preferred spending time together, the saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' exists for a reason. A couple of years ago, he needed to return home to his family for a six month period, and during that time, I started going out again and being social in different patterns -- not because I was lonely but because I was bored.

    And doing that, I realized that I not only enjoyed these things but that doing them made me happier. I was excited when he returned to our home city because I had all these new people, places and patterns I wanted to show him. And he liked it too, I think, because, in a way, I was more of the guy he had originally fallen for but now we were in a secure relationship where he didn't have to worry that I was going anywhere. But, at first, I got frustrated, because if I asked him if he wanted to do X, he was comfortable enough to tell me the truth -- that he didn't necessarily want to which is not the same thing as saying he wouldn't do it, as I eventually learned.

    And you know what? It doesn't matter one bit. I do my things sometimes. We do things together sometimes. Sometimes he wants to be there. Sometimes he's humoring me. But we're happy and that's what matters. That would drive us both crazy. But he doesn't, and I don't. And if your girlfriend wasn't meeting you halfway, I'd say you have a problem. But it sounds like she really is.

    So, to be honest, as someone who has been in your shoes, I think you've got your priorities skewed. I can't get in your head and tell what you're thinking and how things feel, so I don't know if there's anything anyone can say that can get you to change that. But I'm going to try. In relationships, you compromise. Sometimes you go to a movie or a concert that your partner wants to see or order the food that your partner wants, and you don't hate it but you aren't as excited about it as them.

    What It’s Like To Date An Extrovert When You’re An Introvert

    What it sounds like you want is somebody who is as excited to be at every movie, every restaurant, every meal as you are. That's taking the analogy to a ridiculous extreme, but, to me, it is kind of ridiculous. You need to think - why do I want her to be this way? As long as she's happy and she's letting you do what you need to do, why would her being more extroverted be better than what you have now?

    And once you come to that conclusion, figuring out why -- whether the 'her' in your imagination is your current partner or a future one -- consider how realistic this is. How sure are you that version of "better" is something that exists? To me, it sounds like a vaporous "wouldn't it be nice" but how nice? Someone you like to spend time with, someone you share interests with, someone you have a similar sexual appetite with, someone you "could spend an eternity holding each other and talking to each other and making each other laugh" -- those are all solid things that are very obvious pluses that you can understand.

    Even if you didn't have them in your current relationship, I bet you could understand why they are important and valued. How important is this other thing you find lacking? Would it be more important than those other things? I think what you're responding to is a societal expectation that couples do things together and go from being two individuals socially to one unit. People will sometimes ask, sometimes accost me when they discover I have a partner "why he isn't out with you? When they accost, I tell them because we aren't needy co-dependent freaks who have to spend every free moment together.

    There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a partner who you can do the things you like with, but if you spend your time looking for someone who likes everything you like in the exact same way, a you probably won't find her and b I bet you'd be super bored with her when you did. You mention in your original post that you think that your "strengths are complementary"; I think maybe you should start looking at the fact that she doesn't need contact with or reassurances from the outside world as one of those strengths.

    What I'm saying is -- have you ever been in relationship with someone who was more of an extrovert than you? It can be awesome. But it can also be exhausting. However, if she's someone who has felt shy in the past, when you aren't harping her about it, she probably finds that part of you attractive. Just because she isn't reacting to your social time with people in the way that would make you happy, don't think that she isn't content.

    If she's unhappy, it's her job to tell you that. Don't make trouble where none exists if you really love this woman. This is only anecdotal, but I don't know any happy couples where I'd call both of them extroverts. I'm sure that they are out there, and it's just my limited sample size, but I also think that the 'mismatch' is more of a norm than not. Occasional, their other halves will join us to prove they exist, maybe - mine still hasn't , but usually it's just the social half of the couple being social by themselves happily.

    If, after all this reflection, this still feels 'dealbreaker' level important to you, just remember this: But this mismatch can be done and is being done happily every day. You just have to examine and realign your expectations. On a related note, re: If you want to be in any sort of successful long term relationship, I'd work on that too.

    You can absolutely love someone even if you don't like something about them. I'm a big ole extravert engaged to an introvert. He isn't shy, and after he gets comfortable he isn't even necessarily quiet, but he just doesn't like to get out there and meet people on nearly the same level that I do. We spend a lot more time at home than I'd like, because I really don't like to go out alone and he's hard to get out the door. The trade-off is that he's a fearless and savvy traveller, while I live and die by the guide books. Out travelling adventures are much more fun with his style than mine.

    Take some time to find some of your girlfriend's gifts that complement yours. Just to comment on all the ridiculously insensitive answers you received early on the one written from your "gf's" point of view was particularly nasty --anyone who says they've NEVER considered breaking up with their partner, or fantasized a little about dating again during rough times is being completely disingenuous. The important thing is that you're trying to understand her and work things out, and you're being honest about your feelings while you do it.

    Good luck to you both. If I were in your shoes, I would cool it off. It sounds from your description like more work for both of you than is necessary or comfortable. If you feel that you would be more comfortable with an extroverted woman, then that's what you should try. I will say that "live and let live" is an important principle for successful relationships, though. That's honestly where you should start, and I don't mean this in a snarky way. I think it's very telling that when you get down to really describing how this all makes you feel, you are at a loss for words.

    I'm sure there's more going on than "Gee whiz man, it'd sure be awesome if she could be like me. I'm a major introvert who's also quite social. I love socializing with my medium-sized group of friends. That said, I always have to balance hanging out with other people with lots of quiet, relaxed downtime. Even social events that I totally enjoy leave me feeling drained. I hate large parties, particularly with people I'm not close to, and especially when those people are extroverts.

    Basically, strangers scare me. This is an unchangeable part of who I am. The way I see it and the way I've seen it work in other couples , to make a mixed social style partnership work, you both have to respect the other's style, be totally okay not always having your partner be a part of your social life, not try to change the other person, and be happy making social compromises where you both sometimes do things you don't love to be with or support the other person. The fact that she goes to dinner parties and stuff where she isn't totally comfortable and that she doesn't mind you going out without here suggests to me that she is compromising already.