My 16 year old is dating a 24 year old

i am a 24 year old guy and i met this girl one day and i asked her out. we got along I simply would not allow my 16 year old daughter to date a 24 year old man!.
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When I was your age I had severe depression and had been struggling with it for years. This guy slithered his way into my life, Slowly took control of it any making me thing everything he did was to help me and take the pressure off me so before I knew it I was isolated and getting raped by him as often as he could. So just be careful, I'm not saying you're like me and that can happen but whenever I talk to a 16yo girl whos dealing with depression and starting relationships I have to warn them because sometimes these guys who seen like saviors are even worse than that loneliness and depression that you think they are saving you from.

He's clinically depressed as well, so I don't think he'd latch onto that in a negative way. We kind of help ourselves out with each other's depressions. Am the worst guy. Working on me now so I don't hurt anyone else. I did some bad shit and never really meant to. That's all I'm comfortable saying. It's a hard topic for me. I'm having a relationship with a guy 14 years older than me and I'm very very happy to be with him and I love him so much I personally think age doesn't affect anything really, as long as I'm happy with it and I feel no regrets, that's all that matters.

I was in the exact same boat, I was 16 he was 23 and 7 years later we're happily living together and engaged. I'm so happy you've managed to find someone who makes you feel so good, it's a rare but amazing thing to happen. Good luck with your relationship and your life xxx. Anyway, I was in a very similar place to you when i was Having a 23 year old boyfriend at the time saved my life frankly, as I was able to get out of a terrible home living situation thanks to him. Enjoy it for everything its worth, and ignore the haters.

I started doing high school courses online when I was 12, and was finished by the time I was almost I'm not sure what the options are outside of Canada, but we have a lot of online schooling choices here. I dated a guy who was 6 years older than me when I was 18 years old and you know what, it did feel awesome. He had his own place, had cool friends, introduced me to an amazing genre of music that I'd never heard before Only knew about top 40, he introduced me to indie and British rock , and it was pretty sweet.

So I know how you feel. With that said, I will let you know that it ended it heartbreak and he broke up with me because I wasn't established and ended up leaving me for his ex, who he cheated on me with.

Are You Normal?

He made it clear that she had a job, had a car, and had money whereas I didn't have any of those things. IF he begins to berate you for being at a young stage in your life, then raise your eyebrow and GTFO. But for the time being, safely enjoy your time together: I am sure you have been getting shit from everyone that hears about this and so has he, I guarantee it. And if it works out for you, that will be completely amazing, and I really hope it does.

But, I was in this position. I was a 16 year old girl dating a 20 year old. We were in two completely different places in life. The main issues in my life were my parents and school. In his, it was getting a job, moving out, and paying bills. I remember when we broke up He told me that we had nothing in common. Which completely crushed me.

Thinking back on it now, at the age of 23, I totally agree. If we had stayed together that would have been awful. But, I am not trying to sway you away from the relationship, but as others have said, 5 months is a short amount of time. Also, thinking as someone that IS your dudes age, this is no way in hell that I would date someone as young as you. No offense in any way, but under the age of 20 is too young for me.

We would just be in completely different areas of life, and dating someone that young would just be out of the question. As I said, I am not trying to sway you from this relationship or that happiness. I know when I was dating my ex, there was nothing anyone could say that would make me see different.

I just want you to be safe. I would check your law just to make sure!! In response to the point about the potential clause, I have checked and everything seems to be in order. As for the point about having things in common, I can imagine how that sort of thing would come to mind. We haven't been together for long, so obviously we can't know everything about how compatible or incompatible we are, but so far we've found a number of things that we have in common and can enjoy together.

We've spoken about my age a number of times, and I've made him promise to tell me if it ever becomes an issue for him. Don't forget that it can end up being an issue for you too. You are half of that relationship. Things like him going to a bar or something when you can't, or thinks along those things. Just make sure you communicate. Now I'm 18 and dating a 34 year old. While I've changed between those two relationships, both were equally consensual and I was the initiator both times.

Lots of adults end up in awful, unhealthy relationships. Few people know how to handle them until they're in one; simply being older doesn't prepare you for relationship abuse. The typical response that that young people are more easily taken advantage of than older people is baseless. The first relationship ended up doing poorly because he wasn't mature enough in various ways. How ironic is that, after all the criticism we received? Sometimes things don't work out. The important thing is to be with someone who makes you a better person.

That can be said about anyone's relationship. Please don't spread fear. No one would ever love if they avoid relationships because of the fear of heart break. Telling someone to find happiness is spreading fear?

Welcome to Reddit,

Injecting logic in a swarm of emotion is just spreading fear? I don't think so. We are a bunch of people who always have our guards up just waiting for someone to hurt us, take advantage of us, dishonor us, etc. Being safe is always smart. However, enjoying a life full of friends and love, sometimes we gotta let a guard down a bit. Been where you are, and I just had to say this: Other people will judge, shove opinions and self views down your throat, and make accusations.

None of that matters. Yes, it makes things more stressful at times, but if you can work through that as a team loving and supporting eachother - you'll always know you have something strong and true. Good luck to you both. I wish you the best, and would just say There is a psychological process behind who we attract to and why, and most of the time, it involves unresolved issues from our lives. I recommend you check into that a little before you close the book on this being a perfectly healthy relationship between you two.

What sorts of things should I be checking into to figure out these unresolved issues? Maybe these will offer some info. The jist of it is, our subconscious tries to recreate bad past experiences who we pick next in an effort to emerge from the experience with a positive fixed result, which, of course, never happens:. If we are always looking in our past to fix all of our unresolved issue we will be to busy to make new unresolved issues. People think it's weird.

Some think it's illegal but really 22 with a 16yr old no different than. You're just looking at numbers, but most people recognize a difference in maturity. Maturity is a hard thing to measure because it doesn't always come with age, but it is a fair enough thing to consider anyway.

Is it normal for a 16 year old girl and a 24 year old guy to date?

Meh, I'd say it's different. The gap between 1 and 7 is different than the gap between 16 and 22, which in turn is different than the gap between 50 and I can completely understand some people being uncomfortable with it. All I can know for certain is how I feel, and I know that I'm happy with the current situation.

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I would get a restraining order against him. That means no contact as well. Sorry but i had enough friends get into trouble with older guys and i know exactly what i am talking about. NOw when she is 20 and he is 27 that may be another story all together. BUt at this point in her development i would nix it. If she doesn't like it. Originally Posted by vizufx Wednesday my 16 year old daughter ran away and left me a note. I was able to find proof on her computer she was taking a flight to visit 24 year old man.

Thursday the police were able to take her into custody at the gate in the airport. She's home and I feel very lucky we saved her. Friday I am in her room and find a painting this guy made of her not sexual and 2 photos of him - which I confiscate. My daughter freaked out and came downstairs screaming. My husband sided with her, saying she deserved some privacy and respect.

My feeling is she had too much privacy and that got her into this situation in the first place. I don't want her holding on to these things and having something concrete to keep her attachment going. I was forced into returning the painting and photos top her. What do other parents think about this? Originally Posted by Taboo2. Originally Posted by djacques. Age of Consent varies between the states. For instance, in Arizona it is There are states where it is State Laws on Age Requirements and Sex.

Since then almost 4 years past and we live together in another city and we are both happy and in love.

I'm 16 and am dating a 22 year old and it's made my life so much better : offmychest

Since the first time I feel like she is the perfect match for me and she thinks also like that. I was afraid in the beginning that this age difference could be a problem, but it's not. She was grown up enough in thinking and I never felt like I'm dating a "child". I was able to share my feelings and my experience about finishing exams at high school, about university also I was able to live those things again. We enjoy the same kind of music, movies and thinking the same about life.

My career path and what I'm doing helped her to find out what she want to do after university. But I could also mention many things in she helped me to achieve including move out from home. And many of these are not age-related. Of course your daughter can get hurt, but that's possible in every single relationship. The same about getting pregnant. And what can she miss?

I think if you raised her well enough, than she won't do anything stupid and still she can go to university, travel and build her career, just as my girlfriend is doing. I remember the reactions from both her mother and mine, and those were awful. In my opinion you should try to get to know her boyfriend and treat him as you would like to be treated. In my opinion you can do the biggest harm if you overthink this situation. As others have said, you need to have some serious talks with your daughter. If she thinks she is in love, but the subject of marriage has not come up, you still have time.

Use it but don't alienate her. If this person is going to join your family, it should be on friendly and welcoming terms. If the subject of marriage has come up, you can start bargaining of some kind. Ask if they can wait for marriage until she finishes her education. Even if she does not work as a married woman, divorce or widowhood is not a remote possibility, and if she has no marketable skills, she will find herself falling upon difficult times.

If they don't want to wait, then ask the husband to carry ample life insurance should the worst happen. First and foremost, let me just state, I think I get where you're coming from. You have legitimate concerns: What do they have in common? What experiences and mutual understanding could they even build a healthy connection on? Could they possibly have a meaningful future together in the long-term? Is he just using her or taking advantage? I'm going to suggest something that the other answers touch upon, but in a more actionable, what-can-you- do -right-now way: Re-word these concerns into questions, and ask your daughter these questions.

Try to word them so they don't give off an impression of being against the relationship: I think you'll get the best results by opening the conversation with the attitude that you're just curious and want to genuinely get to know what your daughter is currently going through better. That's not to say that you shouldn't already disapprove - while I personally wouldn't start feeling disapproval just from what you've described, your feelings are very understandable - but regardless of how you might initially feel, you can always tell her you disapprove a little later, once you've gotten as much of her perspective as she's willing to share.

But at first, it's better if you can be simply inquisitive: You don't want her to feel like you've already made up your mind before you've had a chance to thoroughly discuss it, right? I think sometimes people just disengage and become resistant to anything we say if they feel we're already against what they're doing, which reduces our ability to actually help them significantly. Approaching with an inquisitive attitude helps everyone involved: If you ultimately decide you disapprove or that there are real concerns, you'll be able to present your position much more thoroughly, pointing to the concerning details from what she herself has told you.

In the process of asking her these questions, she might even start thinking about issues she might have overlooked herself. And maybe in the process, you'll learn something about why they're drawn to each other and how they both think and feel that makes you feel more comfortable with the whole thing. Personally, I'd just start with something like "hey, I was just wondering, could you tell me more about how this relationship started and what made you like him? Unfortunately, it can be hard to find a way to word things without causing misinterpretations.

For example, at least where I'm from, a curt and direct "So what do you see in him" can give a very negative, even judgmental impression, even though taken literally it's almost the same question. So maybe soften it with clarification, like "don't take this the wrong way, I'm just asking so that I understand what you're thinking and feeling, because I've decided that since this relationship seems to be important to you, I want to fully understand where that's coming from".

I think this a good starting point - it immediately gets at the root of investigating how much your concerns apply to this specific case, helps lead your daughter to spotting any problems that might be looming in this relationship without just making her feel like she's being told "no", builds mutual understanding and a possibility of openly discussing relationships, including the tough parts, between you and your daughter, and has the opportunity to show her by example what kind of questions to ask when figuring out if a person is right for her in a relationship.

Best case scenario, she and her romantic interest will positively surprise you with mature and well-considered perspectives on why they're right for each other. But if not, I think the above will put both you and your daughter in a better position to navigate any troubles that might come up, together. Children with older brothers or sisters are usually much more sensible and grown up than those without, and the same goes for girls who date older men. It's probably just a sign that she is highly intelligent and mature for her age anyway.

Women mature much quicker than men and by dating up in this way they continue to surround themselves with much more mature and sensible people. It totally depends on the character of this person - which by the sounds of it is good - but he may be a really good influence on her. Far better than dating a guy her own age. Do you remember what you were like at 17? Weren't boys at that age more likely to be 'only after one thing? Teenage boys have literally nothing of value to offer anyone.

Also anything you do say or do will only make the situation bad between you and her. If he actually mistreats her or starts seeming like a bad influence then sure jump in there and say something, but otherwise you are probably worrying needlessly and causing undue drama.


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Whilst the people I go on dates with are somewhere between I use an app that allows you to configure this and I'd be very cautious at dating anybody younger, I wouldn't necessarily draw the line at dating a year-old if they seemed mature and that's something exists almost entirely independently of age. Invite him for dinner and family days out.

In this way, you'll be able to keep a weather eye on things. With regards to her education and career, you really only can do what any normal parent would do with a year-old, that is, encourage them in the right direction. Travelling is something she will or won't do of her own accord and isn't a pre-requisite to successful grown-upping. Regarding pregnancy however, you ought to encourage her use of contraception.

The kind would be some sort of implant that require her to make a conscious decision to discontinue use. One thing which no other post has covered, and which you probably don't want to hear, but is the plain and brutal truth Younger people are still learning and experimenting with what they can do, and they naturally want to do as much of it as they can, and have it be as enjoyable as possible. As a rational person, it would make complete sense for her to get her experiences of what it should be like with someone who is actually competent.

Most guys her own age are not going to be highly competent, so it makes sense for her not to play with them. The truth may simply be that she has no interest in a long-term romantic relationship with him, and they are purely enjoying having sex with each other. You might not like to hear this about your year-old daughter, but you do need to face that she has sexual needs and as an adult is fully entitled to do absolutely anything she likes with absolutely anyone she chooses. This means that you leave everything regarding feelings, broken hearts, morality and so on to her to decide or experience on her own.

That's her obligation and lawful right. She's of age, which goes both ways. What to do about this? You should try to stay close to both of them or at least her so she has you as a confidante, a trustworthy person - i. You cannot expect to be successful in digging around behind her back anyways. So, support her, make sure she knows that you are there for her, be truly happy that she found someone etc. You can try to pull the guy into the family; i.

Make those relaxed events, not "tests". If and when you see signs of danger; then you act, with decisiveness. By supporting her, confronting the boy, and so on. Aside from that, you have precious little leverage, and being negative about it upfront will likely spoil whatever "power" you have in the situation.

I heard stories from my parents: But he would stay on with her parents, playing cards sometimes late into the night.

So, her parents my maternal grandparents got to know Dad as a friend and potential son-in-law, through their own play-dates, not just from whole-family gatherings. But things were different then — she was trained by her mother to be a housewife and was not expected to go to school past 12th grade. Her own mother only went to school through 8th grade, which was normal for girls at that time. So, it seems to me that the issue isn't the difference in their ages, so much as that she's too young in this time to have a serious relationship that could be potentially long term.

A younger man would realize that they both have further life changes, but he might already be on a career track. But that depends on the career: So maybe they are closer together in terms of life stages, than implied in the post. So I repeat my conclusion above: It is perfectly reasonable for you to be feeling anxious about the well being of your daughter.

Age differences aside, she is moving into a life of her own. Training wheels are off and she is going out into the world. There's always something you could find to be worried about as a parent. If it's not age difference in the guy she's dating, it could be something else. I'm concerned that she'll get hurt, pregnant or that even if they are truly in love that she'll end up growing up too quickly and miss out on what girls her age do, university, traveling building a career.

The risk of being hurt in a relationship is universal. I don't think that is any more or less likely due to a mildly larger age gap than might be expected of a young woman. There are certainly couples with a larger age gap who are happy. There's really no guarantee and she just has to live through her own relationship experience. As far as getting pregnant, throughout human history, nay mammalian history, females have served an integral role as mothers.

It's a relatively recent and perhaps even baseless assumption that she will be happier pursuing university studies and a career. What is there to worry about her missing out on or that she will grow up to quickly if she finds a fulfilling life as a mother, just as many women have throughout history? Yes, even those mothers who are young by modern expectations can have a very fulfilling life.


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  4. But all of the studies showing stay at home moms are happier and all of the examples of childless women who pursued their careers and ended up with regrets really don't mean anything when it comes to what will be the best life for your daughter. She may find that she wants to pursue that university and career path after all.