However, when it comes to dating, it might be more reasonable to date someone who is 4 years younger *the most*. This is my opinion at least, and I'm 28 years.
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- I'm 28 and dating a 20, why do people call me nasty names? I am not all that old am I?
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We both resisted our feelings towards each other for several months. We've been together a year now Dec 20th was our first date and I've never had a single regret about it, never thought she's not mature enough. It really depends on the girl and what your interested in. I honestly don't think it's a problem.
I may be a little biased though, since that's the exact situation I am in with my girlfriend. We started going out when she was Admittedly it was somewhat awkward around her family, especially her older sisters who were friends of mine already. It's fine now though. Some people mostly lonely older women will try to give you shit about it. The best revenge is living well. Your 50th anniversary would be you at 78 and her at That's totally inappropriate, what would the neighbours think? I'm 21, my boyfriend is I think it greatly depends on the people themselves and their maturity levels but if you pursue it, I suppose you'll know soon enough if your age difference causes any strain in the relationship.
IMO I don't think its inappropriate though. A friend of mine is also 22, has a boyfriend who is about seven years older than her, and they're going strong for many years now so it's definitely possible. My sister is 21 dating a guy your age, it seems to work for them but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really wary of him when I first found out. I'm still not sure how a 28 year old and a 21 year old have much in common. That's a huge difference in life stages. In my sister's case, she's still in undergrad, her boyfriend has a master's, a grown up job and his own apartment and is financially independent.
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As a 24 year old grad student I can't even imagine dating an undergrad, that's a huge difference in maturity and the life experiences are significantly different. I think dating someone out of school with a job would be hard too. Maybe not for some but I would feel guilty being poor and busy all the time. Non-grad students don't really "get" how much of a commitment grad school is. I guess I would just think hard on this, you guys are in a different life stage it might be harder to relate to each other's experiences. Age differences aren't much difference when your both older but they are when you are younger and in a different life stage.
My cousin is 28 and he's dating a 19 year old, people around me don't seem to have problems with it. Love has no age restriction I guess. That's pushing it, but that's in the "it depends" zone. No reason not to go for it. Whatever jiggles your jello, man. Too big of an age gap to date? Too big of an age gap to have things in common? Not quite the same but I'm a 21 year old guy dating a 27 year old woman.
As long as you're both mature about it, it can work. I usually but not always date younger women. Personally, if she makes you happy, then who cars about the age gap. What's the worst that can happen? You guys go on a couple dates and you realize you're not into her, or, you are and things move forward. I have seen people worry about year old difference. What I have to say about all these age difference questions is think about it if both ages are older.
For example isn't something people take a second look at so why should be a problem. Although I think that this is more irrelevant when you get older. I'm 38, my girl is I do not look 38, but that's besides the point, it's more of whether or not she is right for you and vice versa.
There is no rule that says if one person is older than the other by 5 years it's going to be a bad relationship. Just go for it. Check back with us and let us know how it's going. Thank me later if you get engaged. Age difference doesn't matter as much as life stage difference, if you're in vastly different stages of life than its inappropriate. She's in her college phase and you're even past the stage of getting your master's and into your career. I think its more or less in the limit of "acceptable" in my opinion of course. I'm 22 and my girlfriend is 27 and I honestly don't think it's a problem I don't even think about it really.
This can be a big deal or not. Either make a joke of it or don't acknowledge it, but it is still going to come up a bunch and both parties have to be okay with it to deal with that. Who's career will take precedence in regards to things like moving - it might end up being th person more established in their which would tend to be the older partner.
This is particularly relevant if they work in the same place! It is important to integrate, at least to some degree, your friends and your partner. Do they get along despite an age difference? This is a good indicator as to whether they are the kind of person your sister might otherwise date, just older. Basically, get ready to have a lot of conversations sooner than you might have had you not dated up a decade.
It can go great, and in twenty years be of no notice to them anymore as their kid graduates high school. Or she might get burned, like any other relationship. There are just different questions to ask and risks to be taken. I know a couple of Mormon marriages with this age spread. After all, the Young Single Adult program is for ages 18 to 30, and late-blooming RMs dating freshmen at BYU can easily have a five or six year age gap for that matter, some grad students date freshmen and sophomores at BYU, simply because so many girls get married young there, and the pool of year-old single women is quite small.
Your parents will be more mad about the sex and the lying than the age thing, I bet.
Incidentally, it's probably a lot healthier for her to not be living with your parents if she's choosing to live her life this way. As for the bottom-line question: I'd be concerned if this was her first at-all relationship; that it's her first serious relationship and he's so much older is a bit of a warning sign. It might be a little too much rebellion and danger and not enough "this is really right for who I am," but that's the sort of thing that people have to sort out for themselves. It doesn't sound like you're worried about her safety, so. Long before I ever met my wife, she was involved in a similar relationship, age-wise.
She was about 20 and living with her boyfriend who was about Eventually they broke up, obviously, but she turned out ok. She's now happily married to me, we have a nice house, she's pregnant with our first child. We went sailing in Greece last year. Are any of these things relevant? I don't know, how are you going to judge damage done by this age difference?
What's my opinion of the guy? I don't know, I never met him. I'd have to guess he's not the most mature person for his age or wasn't 10 years ago, anyway. What did her family think? I don't know, does it matter now? Would that have changed anything? I also lived with a girlfriend when I was about the same age as she was.
My girlfriend at the time was 6 months younger than me, which would apparently be a lot less alarming. Like you, I had a lot of growing up left to do so did my girlfriend. My own inexperience in life had very little relationship to my girlfriends age. If she was older, I would have had the same amount of growing up to do. If she was younger, same thing. If I need to grow up, it's a personal thing that affects me, not my sexual partners. Yeah, it's less than 10, but I can't really come up with a way it's significant.
I'm 28 and dating a 20, why do people call me nasty names? I am not all that old am I?
What are the bad things you think are going to happen here? I'd like to state that I am NOT trying to control her in any way. I was just worried about the age difference. I am pretty sure if this guy were 40 a lot more people would have felt the same apprehension. The trouble is I didn't really know what was reasonable here, hence the question.
I was honest about this with her and she was not offended by this concern. Because we were raised in a posoinous culture, I was trying to figure out what the common wisdom is about such age disparities. In our church culture, I often saw much older men marry much younger women in a way that seemed creepy and exploitative, in fact the prophet joseph himself was quite fond of younger women.
We don't want to emulate that. Thank you all for your responses, which have helped me learn more about what is considered healthy and normal by average folks. My little sister herself gave me her full blessing to post this because she too was curious how concerned she should herself should be. Thanks for the input, and I can say that my mind is much more at ease now! Well, I dated a 29 year old when I was twenty and the relationship lasted a couple of years.
It didn't work out well, but I'm not sure the age difference was really our biggest problem. I do think at 20 I didn't really have the maturity and independence to handle an "adult" relationship. I let the relationship go on far longer than it should have because I was afraid of being alone.
It's not necessarily a bad idea, but here are some things to think about 1. You may be in love, etc. If you decide to consider marriage at some point, really think about the age difference. My friend's parents were married when her mother was 22 and her father was They are now 64 and It's likely that he will die a decade or more before she does. Maybe that period of being alone and elderly is worth it, maybe it's not, but it's definitely something to think about before you get married.
Also, her mom retired early in part to accommodate her Dad and she's spent the last decade or so being pretty bored. Therein lies your answer.
A younger man dating an older woman | Ask MetaFilter
My first instinct was to think "The age difference, not such a problem. The fact that they're working together is a red flag though. This -- 20 dating 30 -- is healthy and normal. I am not totally sure that "I'm in my late late 20's and I simply cannot imagine dating a 20 year old under ANY circumstances" is Late 20s and 20 may feel far apart but that will seem silly when at 30 and late 30s. But that's not the question. So, yeah, your sister's fine.
I don't think "I am pretty sure if this guy were 40 a lot more people would have felt the same apprehension" is true. I don't think the average grown-up takes a lot of interest in the age of another grown-up's partner, and these things are just not outrageous, wrong, or otherwise bothersome or unsettling for most people. Depends on the guy. I dated a guy 8 years older than me at that age, and he was great. On the other hand, after dating me he swore he'd never date younger again. Once I hit his age, I was all, "Why the fuck did he date a year-old?
As long as he follows Dan Savage's campsite rule and all that.
I don't think this has to be a big deal, assuming the following: Every couple is different though, and it depends more on the individuals' maturity levels than anything else. I was 28 when I started dating my then 58 year old boyfriend three years ago. We've been married since last November. It's amazing, and none of anyone's business. For what it's worth, when I started dating Mr. Ipsum I was 23 and he was My parents were concerned about the age difference, but they didn't really have a say in the matter, and he eventually won them over anyway.
He admits now that he himself was a bit concerned about the age difference. But he soon found out that I was, in his words "not some silly little girl" as in, I didn't act immature and that we had a lot in common. In fact, during our first year together, he once made the comment that I was "23 going on 40" so I think these things are more of an issue of compatibility than chronological age. To expand jenfullmon's appeal to Savage's campsite rule about age-gap relationships: There's nothing abnormal about wanting to date someone who in your exact age cohort.
My sister-in-law is 9 years older than The Brother, and his ex-wife and ex-long-time-girlfriend were similarly older.
- Is a 28 year old guy dating a year old girl too much of an age difference? : AskMen.
Dating with an age gap works great for some people, not so great for other people. I think there can be issues when people are dating people because of a big age gap. Especially when the younger party is looking to work out issues with a parent, or when the older party wants to use their age and experience to bully or control younger partners. But those red flags turn up in the relationship dynamics, not in the simple difference in age. Speaking from personal experience - just don't go there. They will always be in two different places in their lives, no matter how mature one or the other might be.
I also do not think the age thing is a big deal in and of itself. However it sounds from your post like you haven't actually met this fellow. The best way to ease your mind would be to spend time with them both and see how they interact. There can be subtle signs that a less experienced person may not pick up on when assessing someone-- or a person that's all hopped up on lovey feelings wouldn't notice.
I mean you don't have to be formal about it, just a getting to know the new guy get together. I think this is totally sibling territory, I mean it may not be your business, but you can still butt in a little, with a lot of care. I don't think the age difference itself is a problem. However, a year-old who was a virgin living with her parents and going to school is in a hugely different place than most year-olds. Keeping it secret from parents and employers may make it seem more mysterious and appealing than it would be if they were able to have a "normal" relationship.
This is said with some experience - I was 18 and living on my own; he was 31, divorced with two kids. I think at the time we may have been equals in maturity but then I grew up. However, everyone is different. I don't see any huge red flags but think there's maybe an orange one for caution. A thought for your sister. I tend to date older people, so far up to the 10 year age gap your sister is experiencing when I was 18, he was 24; now I am 24 and she is When it doesn't matter is when you and your partner don't talk or worry about it.
If it comes up between the two of you, it's going to be a problem--if it's coming up, one party is having a problem respecting another because of age, or is uncomfortable because of it, or whatever. Age was a much bigger issue in my 6-year-gap relationship than it is in my current year-gap relationship.
Who knows whether these things will work out years is a lot in terms of life stage, when to settle down, etc. But your sister sounds prepared for that. I'd just add that if he thinks it's a big deal, or she thinks it's a big deal, thats probably an orange flag. Not a red flag Being a big sister, I'm concerned with all of my little sister's relationships so I'd say there's cause for a little concern, but in the end it's her choice. I dated a guy fourteen years older than myself, and when anyone - sister, friend, parent - told me he was too old for me I'd just push back against it and their ultimately well-founded concerns went in one ear and out the other.
Sitemap I'm 28 and dating a 20, why do people call me nasty names? I am not all that old am I? Up until now, that is. Well, we haven't had sex yet I have met this beautiful 20 year old woman. Soon she'll be Things are going well between us; I am just taking things smoothly.
I do not want to pressure her into anything. I am just looking for a casual relationship; if things progress to something more serious, then so be it. She may or may not be the girl of my life; only time will tell. I am not interested in finding somebody to marry; not just yet anyway. I am not in the 'settling down with a family' stage of life yet. I don't care what 'society' says about the stage of life I should be at my age. Lots of people are not married at my age. I still like to go out to bars and clubs!