Shortly after this, I realized I was making the same mistakes with men in my dating life again and again; You know what makes a great date?.
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- Dating after a big weight loss - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community
- For The Formerly Obese, Stigma Remains After Weight Is Lost
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Jen and John met through an online dating site. My 1 concern was that I would resent men who suddenly paid attention to me because I was thin. Deep down inside I wondered if those men were the same men who had passed me on the street or sat next me to in an airplane and overlooked me because I was obese. I had become very negative. I had to learn to take things at face value. I quickly discovered that was not productive behavior and I had to stop doing it. It was too much mental gymnastics! In hindsight, I made the mistake of giving too much power to men to judge me based on a profile and pictures when in fact I had just as much to evaluate about them as they did me.
I was nervous that I would be rejected even though I had posted recent pictures of myself in my profile. The first man I went out with was actually a nice guy and complimentary of me. But deep down inside I just wanted to fast-forward time and be at my goal weight and then do the online dating thing.
Dating after a big weight loss - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community
So I soldiered on and decided to get some dating experience under my belt. I met some nice men along the way and I certainly brushed up on my conversation skills. Getting to know yourself on a deeper level can be scary. I think people shy away from it because they are afraid of what they might confront and need to deal with. Each time I was in a dating relationship I learned a lot about myself and the mistakes I made, as well as what was important to me in a partner.
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I kept diligent notes from each relationship so I had something to look back on and tweak my criteria for finding my Mr. Find a partner who supports your efforts to achieve a healthy lifestyle. Challenge and support each other. I tried to shed many of my insecurities and losing weight down from helped a lot. We were very open with eachother and it just felt right.
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It helped that we had been friends for many years and I was comfortable with him. He is very supportive of my weight loss and I had some loose skin when we started dating but now it is really starting to show and he says it doesn't bother him. So I have a different experience, but my advice is just start doing it. I am very shy so I really needed someone to approach me and luckily it happened. Feel free to become friends with someone and explain to them your history, concerns, etc. If you go out with a guy and it doesn't work out, so what? Just enjoy yourself and relax.
For The Formerly Obese, Stigma Remains After Weight Is Lost
Some dates may not be the best but don't put a lot of expectations into them. My other piece of advice for those in remedial dating is some guys even in their 30s or older are after one thing and if they can get it, they will. Those guys have limited patience and probably wouldn't last more than 2 dates. Other guys, if interested in you, will continue to see you for you not for what they can get from you. That is all I have. I can understand and relate to the "before weight loss" experience, I'm still in the boat.
I like what Nelie said, that you just get started I am in school and fairly quiet. How do you meet people in the working world? When you are exposed to the same people from work, how do you get out there and meet new people? Beautifulone, It is really hard because I had a large social network in college but afterwards, I really didn't. The only way is to work hard to create a social network. Do you have any hobbies? Do you have any interests? I am shy too and it is hard but you best bet is to try to put yourself out there.
Take community college "interest" courses cooking? Take exercise classes Pets? Do pet related activities dog park, training classes, etc Take home improvement classes at home depot Take craft classes at Michaels Volunteer for an organization If your job has social events, attend them I don't always If you are an introvert like me , it is hard but it can also bring you some unexpected friendships.
Beautifulone, I moved to my current town four years ago, and didn't know a soul. Through a friend at work, I met another friend, who introduced me to a few others who are now my friends. The original work friend has long since moved away from town, but my social life still centers a lot around those people he introduced me to. I've also made a number of new friends since I got a dog.
You'd be amazed at the number of people who'll stop and talk to you when you've got a leash in your hand! And we've got a few dog parks around town that let my puppy and me socialize at the same time. Welcome to my world!! I am 23 and have never been on a "real" date well, i asked a guy out on a friendship type date-thing a couple weeks ago, but it wasn't truly a date.
I just try to fake confidence, and tell myself that if people are looking at me it isn't because I am so huge and ugly-- probably the opposite! Also, I try to muster up courage to talk to guys and smile and thank them when they open up doors, etc-- which by the by is happening alot to me lately, even when i am very far away from reaching the door yet! I still don't know what any of anything means yet as I am a total newbie to everything I was educated girls' school and women's college, so a total lack of guy exposure even!! But, I'll take it.
When to Talk About Weight Loss While Dating
Last edited by shrinkingchica; at Thanks Nelie and Scgirl I will definitely have to keep that in mind for the near future. I have experience to share with you. I hadn't gone on a date in my life I've always been heavy -- and morbidly obese by age 18 until age 23 -- when I had lost pounds. I went out with 2 guys I knew from high school -- the second one lasted longer than the first. It was really nice being kissed and held and feeling attractive, BUT neither of them got to see any part of my body because I was incredibly self-conscious. I didn't even like boyfriend 2 touching my stomach.
I was really anti-losing my virginity for a variety of reasons, and I left those relationships due to that pressure. And then, I met a guy who I really fell hard for and was very willing to give myself to him, but he was also a virgin and had different issues, and it never happened. It's a very long and sordid tale, so I won't go into details, but we ended it, I got my heart broken, and I'm never going to see him again.
To try to get over the pain, I tried the internet dating, which was successful on paper -- I went out with a doctor, a lawyer and businessmen, who were all interested and all asked me out on second dates, but my heart wasn't in it, and I figured it wasn't right to try to use anyone to get over the ex. I was also using them as proof that I'm attractive and desirable to men which is another bad reason to serial date.
I met another guy a little later, and we've been dating for 3 months now. It's really nothing to be scared of -- the first date is always the most nerve racking -- but remember, the guy is nervous too. I don't make a list, but I try to keep in mind things to talk about -- sometimes conversation can lapse, and it can be awkward.
I get stares now and I'm always like, "Did you lose something in my face? I could never tell. My friend was like, "Um, people stare at you because you're a knockout and there's nobody else in this town like you. I am not good with flirting. I like making conversations with people but I never seem to take the next step.
Last night at the gym this guy that I am just gaga over held the door open for me. Like if he walks past my treadmill I speed the damn thing up and kick up the incline. He held the door, and ended up on the treadmill one over from mine. My friend was on the other side of me and I was treading away at 3.
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Nevertheless, I don't have any useful advice as I'm still sorting this out for myself. Sharky-- Smile at him. Ask him how his workout is going. If he's interested, he'll give you an answer and lead-in. If not, he'll say something like, "oh, fine" and go back to what he was doing. Belive you're gorgeous, and other people will believe it, too.
Just on one angle of this issue, as I could write a book on the topic, as I'm sure many can. I would urge you to date around before settling down.
I think it can be easy to get overwhelmed with the first person that seems wonderful, but you may end up feeling trapped later. So, overall, I would date around and not take it too seriously until you really find the qualities you want! My 3FC Diet Blog.