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People who live in large metropolitan areas have a distinct advantage in the bar and club scene. If a person isn't infected, that person probably has an HIV-positive friend, neighbor, or relative. After years of education, people in larger cities are rarely surprised by or ignorant about HIV. But that's not the case everywhere. I was surprised to learn how unsophisticated the HIV-affected community is here in "the provinces.
In contrast, during a visit to New York City last year, I met a very nice man in a gay bar. As we negotiated a one-night stand, I disclosed my HIV status. Although he is HIV-negative, this man was delightfully unconcerned.
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We decided to have only safer sex -- and boy, did we! I've gone back to date him several times since then. This man accepts me and understands some of the issues related to AIDS. My HIV-negative friend has undergone treatments for cancer that left his immune system compromised. He understands the importance of maintaining good health. You never know when or where you might meet someone nice, negative, health-conscious, and HIV-aware. Some support groups have educational or social purposes.
If everyone is there for information about new HIV treatments, for example, many of the participants may be HIV-positive. At the coffee break, consider saying hello to the hunk sitting three rows back, or ask the pretty woman at the end of the row if she'd like to get together sometime. You might get a date and important HIV treatment information both at the same time! This shouldn't be considered a primary date pool, though. Clients are there to receive services, often in critical situations, not to meet potential sex partners.
Volunteers are there to help provide those services. It is a trust relationship, and most ASOs have rules designed to protect clients against getting hit on by the people who are there to help them. At GMHC, for example, the volunteer agreement contains a strict prohibition against volunteers socializing with clients -- although not with each other -- outside the scope of the volunteer job.
At Body Positive, Helpline volunteers do not give their full names to callers. Nevertheless, volunteering a few hours a week can be great fun and a great opportunity to meet people who are HIV-aware. And expanding your social circle also expands your dating potential. Some service organizations provide social events.
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Groups such as Body Positive sponsor low-cost events. These events take place in healthful, nonthreatening environments and include activities that encourage people to meet. Rather than spending money in nightclubs, buy a ticket to a benefit dinner or party for one of the HIV service organizations.
You might meet a better class of people than those found in bars. Walking a mile or two with other folks is a great way to get exercise , meet new people, and support your local organizations. In general-interest publications, readers might be more cautious.
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There's no point in asking for trouble. Many of them also offer "live, one-on-one connections. When I tried it, I met a very nice man who shared many of my interests. I found the service difficult to negotiate, though. Was I supposed to press "1" or "2"?
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I pressed the wrong one! Now I have to start over again! Other folks must have had the same problem; the service shut down within a year or so. The Voice is an especially good possibility because its readership tends to be young, hip, and HIV-aware. Sadly, though, the heterosexual community seems to be about ten to fifteen years behind the gay world in its acceptance of PWHIVs.
Anyone who has tried personal ads knows that advertisers are not always honest. To protect yourself from serial killers and HIV-phobic loonies, be sure to meet at a public place, and let other people know what you are planning in case there's trouble. ManMate claims more than 4, professionally oriented gay men among its membership, including men living with HIV. Like most services, ManMate requires members to complete a "compatibility form," or survey of interests, desires, and goals, followed by a personal interview. ManMate then matches your profile to men with common interests.
Compatible profiles are shown to both members. If both like what they see, ManMate arranges for the members to meet. The problem with these dating services is that they tend to be very expensive. Services such as Options can be even more expensive. Many people with HIV cannot afford these rates.
In my experience, these services also attract people who are uncomfortable disclosing their HIV status publicly or privately.
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These rooms are usually named after a particular area of interest. Many sites on the Internet's World Wide Web also offer chat rooms and personal ad services.
At OutPersonals, for example, gay subscribers may place personal ads and even post pictures of themselves. OutPersonals also offers the "Love Dog" service, which sends an e-mail to the subscriber every time a new personal ad matches his or her requirements. Local singles are just a phone call away - call now and meet someone special today.
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