Jul 15, 20 Signs You're Dating A Banker. A helpful guide to Wall Street You know the hours could be worse (if you were dating a lawyer). Via MGM.
Table of contents
- Investment banker boyfriend, how do I handle the crazy hour
- A Day In The Life Of Dating An Investment Banking Analyst
- COMMENT: I'm dating an investment banker and I need some advice
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I try to be as considered and understanding as possible which makes it inevitable not to bottle up at the hardest times. My advice, you need to think long and hard whether this guys is the one, and you need to put your selfish hat on. Do you really want to be with someone that has this sort of schedule? Is he really that special that you will be sacrificing A LOT in your life. Unless he has a specific plan on a career change down the line, you need to assume that long hours is going to be the standard, not the exception. I would say kudos to being able to be supportive, but thats easier on a temporary basis, less so when you are raising kids by yourself effectively.
I dont know what your relationship is like, but you need to be brutally honest with yourself, sometimes its good to be selfish, sometimes you need it to make the right decision. Thank you so much for your post. The guy is great and I am willing to be patient and see how things evolve. We have briefly discussed his career plan and the next 2 to 3 years would be very intense for him, followed by toning down things and working with hedge funds. However, with that being said if it comes to a point where kids are to be involved I believe a serious conversation would be required where I might have to put my "selfish hat on".
Yea I think most people underestimate how expensive life actually gets raising a family. As a single guy you could probably retire in 10 years if you keep your costs down and dont scale your lifestyle much harder in practice than people think , but once you factor in kids, house, wedding costs, moving costs, vacation costs, school fees, family cars etc etc, life becomes expensive VERY quickly: It is close to three weeks that my banker boyfriend has been desk bound and being understanding is getting significantly more emotionally taxing.
Do you suggest I wait it out or should I attempt suggesting we see each other yet again? Assuming he in fact likes you as much as you appear to like him, he is likely just beaten down and soul sucked at the moment. If you're that crushed at work, especially after three weeks, he is probably just so busy and so over it. Its hard to get excited to text someone that you want to see when your just crushed at all times. Then again it could be a slow fade if he isn't into you as much as you think.
Back to my point before - saddle up as this is gonna be normal for periods of time over the next several years if not more. Figure out if this is what you want in life. He probably read through your posts and got uncomfortable to the point that his butthole disappeared. You have been dating the dude for 5 months and are already talking about shit that's going to go down in Most of my models don't even project that far into the future wtf. If any girl I was dating were to pull this shit, I'd become fucking Casper.
He might be exhausted, but you're insane. Highly possible, though he was the one initiating it all think moving in from the very start, getting married, having kids etc. Mind you, I held off my ground well and took it as a light-hearted joke. Honestly, just dump the guy. If it's bothering you this much now when you have no responsibilities together, think of how you will feel when you're alone with three kids while he's at work or traveling. You're just not equipped to handle this. I was going through an intense family crisis, needed support and understanding I am very self-sufficient but it was far too heavy to deal on my own which I didn't receive from him.
Decided to be frank and cut to the chase perhaps motivated by turmoil later that day saying that I understand he's insanely busy and respect the importance of his work but his overall attitude is different, suggesting that perhaps we are not right for one another, encouraging us to be clear. His response was dry, saying he is busy at work and truly has no spare time, acknowledging that things are different and suggesting that maybe a break would be good. I could either have ended it there and then or allowed destiny to take its own course. Decided there's no point to force anything and a further conversation didn't need to be had considering his overworked state and other issues affecting me emotionally due to their importance.
Hence, I answered "Maybe. After the break do we go on a date or straight to bed? Needless to say, it was an unusual turn of events. We exchanged some light-hearted messages and left it there.
He's clearly not nearly as interested in you, as you are in him. Don't want to hurt your feelings, but you're probably being played. No matter how crushed he's getting, if his interest level was higher, he would find minutes in his day -- if you were going through a "crisis". I should also note, if you've never argued in five months and have a super well balanced relationship as you claim, that's probably a red flag as well. Usually people argue if they have a highly vested interest in one another and are emotionally committed. In your context, incredibly well balanced relationship sounds like a euphemism for emotionally devoid friends with benefits.
Don't forget to look out for 1 and don't get taken advantage of. You make yourself look very weak and vulnerable if you say that and follow it up with light jokes and don't take yourself seriously. You are clearly indicating that there are no consequences to his actions or boundaries, and basically he can do whatever he wants to you.
You sound like you have very little experience dating and don't know how to play your woman card. Fair enough, all good points. I wouldn't say I am inexperienced, in fact would think otherwise looking at past relationships. I simply feel like things were getting unnecessary heavy and predictable that evening. Some time could do us both good but I am not letting it drag out and waiting around either. I'd give it some time and be perfectly direct with him, ending it all.
Also, by no argument I mean nothing that makes you truly question if the other person is worth sticking around the take it or break it kind. In fact and on the side note, he was asking to move overseas with him just before the incredibly hectic period start. Hence, lack of commitment would be the last thing I'd have worried about. Time will not increase his interest level or availability, nor will it make you seem less clingly or needy in his eyes.
I don't see how time is any significant factor towards improving your relationship, in your specific case. It seems like you have a lot of rationalizations for the dynamics of your relationship, and that's not usually a good sign. Rationalizations are usually indicative of one person or another not being able to come to terms with complete reality.
Most importantly, and why I think unfortunately this will ultimately not work out, if the guy is super into you and sees long-term value, he will always make the effort to find time to sit down and communicate work situation or outside circumstances affecting your relationship. Even if he's getting killed at work. Even if he has already has done this previously -- he'll do it again. There are signs of active interest that are missing, and I don't see him making that effort. You are incredibly good at analysing relationships and I second what SB said.
It would be helpful to hear what you think would be most beneficial and less emotionally taxing for me. He would openly tell me how much work would he would be expected to do during the week but sometimes reply with "It is fluid and I have no control over my scheduled, hopefully things would be a bit better we should see. I believe things got too heavy for me due to outside factors and patience withered in 24 hours or less. What I would do? I mean, the ball is effectively in your court. You're looking at a win-win proposition.
He clearly knows there's trouble in paradise so this is a perfect opportunity to hold your ground and gauge his true feelings and intentions. I would cold turkey quit communications, move on with my life, and see where that leads. I'm not implying that you see if he will reach back out after a two day break, and if not, initiate texting him.
What I mean is effectively emotionally moving on with your life. Five months is a long enough time to build emotional rapport in a relationship, so If you're important enough to him, he will re-enter your life sooner or later. At that point, he will probably mean business and establish very vague but respectable ground- rules by which your relationship can exist without your present burdensome ambiguity. Then it will be up to you whether you want to accept this or tell him to take a hike. If you do the cold break and he also ghosts never to be seen again, that basically confirms my hypothesis that he's not all that interest.
Like I said, win-win for you. Thank you, very helpful. I have decided to go cold turkey on him and wouldn't initiate communication, for the very reasons you suggested. Also, as our last conversation ended by both being direct - he is aware things are far from perfect - and at the same time not terribly heavily, it would be easy to gauge his true self judging by how the situation evolves.
You are what's wrong with chicks. For fucking serious, though, the more syllables in a girl's name, the greater the internal turmoil that awaits you. You come in here with this spiel about how worried you are for the both of you when you were really just worried about your need for attention. You made it seem like you were so chill and concerned about his well-being, but that is obviously not the case.
You make it seem as though some magical forces are pulling you two away from each other and sprinkling poison all over your relationship, but your dude has just been at work, doing his thing--you know, HIS JOB. So you come on here and treat an Internet forum geared towards helping preteens prepare for their financial careers as if it were your own personal Ask Prudence.
Surprisingly, you actually received good advice. Read your last few messages. At what point have you focused on him? You know how he feels?
Investment banker boyfriend, how do I handle the crazy hour
His joints are creaking, he thinks he has just developed a thyroid condition, he has tinnitus in one ear and his VP squawking in the other, and he is fucking tired. He does not know what day it is, what time it is, when his next flight is nor its destination, etc. You could've followed everyone's advice and been the "cool girl" you claimed to be, but we all know that you are incapable of that. As much as you would enjoy a confirmation of the authenticity of your deluded rant, I cannot provide that. I grew up in a family of bankers, how is it gold digging to know the structure of a bank?
Also, although I don't do investment banking for a living, I work in a bank myself and have a fair few friends in different positions within different banks. This reads like some soapy TV drama. How old are you? You seem awfully naive and immature when it comes to relationships. Haha, we all need some entertainment. I could was see why it'd seem too dramatic but in fact I'm pretty relaxed and not overly emotional, or at least I'd like to think so. To answer your question, I am 25 and have had a few fairly long-term relationships.
Spend his money on the finer things, get a few pool boys on the side, and monkey branch to someone richer and better looking.
A Day In The Life Of Dating An Investment Banking Analyst
I'm exactly it the same boat with you. My boyfriend is a corporate investment banker and I'm facing the same dillema with you about the amount of time I get with him. How is your relationship now? Is it going well? I'd say you should buckle up and try to understand how important it all is to him BUT make sure you are completely honest with yourself first. If you don't want to be spending most of the time without your significant other then it will probably be best to evaluate the relationship before you become even more emotionally invested.
You need to be happy. He also needs to be happy. Only way for this to happen is if you discuss your expectations and desires and hopefully meet in the middle. Ultimately, patience is the key but listen to your own heart, that way you'd know where your limits fall. To answer your other question now. Things between my then boyfriend and I didn't work out. Long story short, we took a break for a few weeks.
He then contacted me again whilst not truly acting like the man I knew and fell deeply for. I was still there for him but was also very straightforward and said that if he is not going to be fully upfront with both his schedule and feelings, I can't be emotionally invested and constantly get hurt. He didn't respond to that message and I was done with him in my head. Weeks passed and he tried to call, initiate contact.
I disregarded it all knowing that it wasn't meant to be. After another month we ended up seeing one other, picking up where we left, tirade of explanations followed. But he didn't stand by his words and hence I was then fully aware he wasn't the person for me. Work was definitely an obstacle but his personality simply didn't match with mine for different reasons that I would rather not mention. So, my advice would be..
Your investment banker boyfriend needs support, love and understand. But before he's an investment banker, he's a man. You fell in love with that man and if he's fully upfront and honest AND you are willing to live a life where he is MIA for weeks onwards, then you should try your best and make it work. Feel free to send me a PM. Having a relationship while working banking hours Originally Posted: My girlfriend and I broke up some months ago, but only yesterday we were able to talk about it.
She basically said that I didn't have enough time for her. She hated the fact that I couldn't go to a happy hour with their work colleagues because I was always working. She hated that we would rarely do something different from chilling out because I was too tired from an all nighter the day before. She hated that I had to cancel several dates due to my job. She said something like "I do understand your drive and ambition, but I cannot understand why you can't work a little less and free up some time to have fun with the ones you love".
Overall, I could match any "value" requirement looks, status, etc Even though I invested a lot in quality time together and would free as much time as possible, it wasn't enough. She's now dating a guy that is not as cool as me not trying to brag myself , but he works 45 hours per week and makes her perfectly happy.
And it fucking hurts. Not because I miss her yep let me lie to myself , but because now I know how hard is to have a relationship while working ib hours. I'm pretty sure some of you would say to date a banking chick or some workaholic that would understand the long hours, however I prefer chill out chicks that are able to live an enjoyable life. Maybe one of our professional members will share their wisdom: Chances of keeping your girl after going into banking Originally Posted: I have signed with a BB for full-time and will begin in July, and my girl is freaking out, saying that it will be impossible to stay together after I become married to my cubicle but I told her to calm down and that it wouldn't be that bad.
Some analysts I've spoken to say that its impossible to keep a girl for longer than 2 weeks while in banking, others say its easily done. What should I expect? Am I sacrificing two years worth of women and the one I'm currently with of course by going into this job? Three friends come to mind: Each works in a NY BB group traditionally known for being a 'sweatshop'. All three guys are still with their college girlfriends. One went to college in New York, the other two did not. Dated girl for 4 years of college with a few short gaps. The girlfriend is doing a masters at Columbia.
Girlfriend works "in finance but not at another bank" in New York. Girlfriend is an analyst in the same sector at a rival bank.
COMMENT: I'm dating an investment banker and I need some advice
Both now have offers in PE in NY. Moral of the story could be that you both need to live in New York and you need to live together. It's definitely nice having someone to go home to. It's called a girlfriend. I would say it is increasingly difficult, but it largely depends on the girl yes, the ball will be out of your court on this one. You are sacrificing your time with her, but as a result, you're building your career. She, on the other hand, doesn't get to see you but also doesn't get the benefit of building her career in the way you do. As a result, the job will put a whole lot of pressure on her and you may not realize it.
Coupling banking and distance is extremely difficult as you don't really have the free time to go visit, and if she comes to see you, you may have to work. Certainly not a fun situation. How great was the relationship prior to starting the job? If you didn't have much going beforehand, it will certainly be a bumpy ride.
Of course, this may also make it easier for her as she may not feel the need to see you so much. Is she still in college? It can be even harder for the girl if she is off getting drunk at parties and events while her boyfriend is too busy to go out. Someone else may just come along Overall, she has the right to freak out.
However, it will ultimately be up to her how the relationship goes you'll be too exhausted to want to start dating someone else. Seriously people go off to war for years and keep a girlfriend meanign distance, lack of communication, and HUGE time differences. PS - Do not tell me most girls are forgiving that your going to war therefore they try extra hard to stay with you due to your choice to participate in a noble cause. Love is what keep people together never a situation. Everything is great with my girl I really don't think its necessary to call her my girlfriend, girl is just fine and we've been together for a while.
We would live together in ny if we stay together. I'm not really that worried about it but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being naive when I told her that it wouldn't be that bad. Cheers for the comments. First, you must understand that the job takes a ton of time, can ruin any plans you make, and generally sucks your life away a day at a time. She has to understand this, and hopefully have a similar situation. All of the successful relationships I have seen with bankers including my own have been between people living in the same city maximize time together and have been between people in similar positions.
If you bank and she does some other finance job that requires a ton of work, this is a good thing she will understand. If on the other hand she works no weekends, not very likely to work out. Like we say in this business it's all about managing expectations. If you expect to see each other when you can and working your best to optimize that time, good on ya. If either of you expects to have a ton of time and not be tired all the time you have another thing coming.
I agree with Mark Klein MD, unless you are cruising down to make-out point with your girl later. In fact, I just finished takin' care of ya girl. She ain't never seen da mastadon dick like that before, she already callin' me fienin' for it. Popular Content See all.
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OFF Resources See all. Upcoming Events See all. Recent Jobs See all. Log in or register to post comments. Investment Banking Interview Course. Crowdsourced from over , members. Technical, behavioral, networking, case videos, templates. Most comprehensive IB interview course in the world. May 3, - May 3, - 1: May 3, - 4: May 7, - 4: May 7, - 6: Your cynicism made me laugh. May 3, - 2: Hedge Fund Pitch Template. May 5, - 7: May 5, - 4: May 6, - May 3, - 5: May 4, - 4: May 4, - 7: Traditionally successful men have picked less educated and younger women to take on this role.
Today some successful career women are doing the same. Sometimes they pick men who are less educated but more nurturing, romantic, supportive and playful. Many bankers male or female are heavily work focused and have little time for domestic pursuits, fun, planning vacations etcetera. If they have a mate who excels at these things, it can balance them out and it will be less they have to deal with. After a day inundated with industry-related concerns it might be nice to escape shop talk, pressure and join someone in a completely different world to de-stress.
This could apply to male or female bankers, or career singles in general. When looks fade and novelty of another background wears off, what will you talk about? Would it be good to share a passion for your career? Would it be helpful to have someone with whom you could share lengthy and inspiring discussions?
Would education, accomplishments and career similarities be more important in the long run? Who better to understand your stress, work hours and dreams than a partner who is experiencing the same thing?
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How could picking a similarly successful mate fuel your mutual dreams and life plan? Instead of thinking about the attraction of an opposite mate, consider finding someone who complements you, knows and respects what you are about because they are made from the same cloth. So before you decimate your hot opposite sex office mate, remember you are in the same boat, and dating to find love is hard! There are successful examples of each. Are you looking for a trophy wife or someone intelligent, successful and accomplished in her own right?