Once upon a time, I had a best friend. She had a boyfriend. She and I were close for a few years, a couple of which were when she was with.
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- Wait - Is It Ever Acceptable To Date Your Friend's Ex?
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- 6 questions you should ask if you want to date your ex's friend
- Is it OK to date your best friend's ex?
- How to Date Your Ex-Boyfriend’s Best Friend
I ' m a strong believer that fighting over a boy is one of the worst things that girls can do to each other, but it unfortunately took a bit of firsthand experience to come to this conclusion.
Keep reading to see how I fought with a friend over a boy and quickly learned that it ' s the dumbest thing to argue about. The early days of high school aren ' t the most fruitful dating times, and at my small, private school, the dating scene was even worse than normal. I dated one boy for about a year, but he went to a different high school in our town, leaving me pretty much unscathed by the drama that followed most relationships in my own class. Emma and Liam had a fairly messy breakup, and I ' d been by her side through the whole ordeal.
Liam hadn ' t handled the end of their relationship well. He broke up with her pretty much out of the blue, so she was completely unprepared. Emma was strong considering the circumstances, but it was her first difficult breakup and she was having trouble articulating how she felt.
Wait - Is It Ever Acceptable To Date Your Friend's Ex?
As her best friend, I got angry in her defense and yelled at Liam for her, making sure she knew she could talk to me at every turn. Eventually, however, the breakup faded into a memory in everyone else ' s mind. We were young and very few of us had experienced a really hurtful breakup, so after a few weeks everything went back to business as usual. I resumed my friendship with Liam and it seemed like everything was back to normal in our little world, minus one relationship that didn ' t affect many of us anyway.
A few months later I broke up with my first boyfriend, and Liam and I were spending more and more time together. We ' d been close friends for so long, but those feelings started to evolve into something deeper. After a few weeks of testing the waters, we decided to give dating a try. Even though dating a friend ' s ex was not abnormal given the size of my high school, looking back now, I can definitively say it ' s never a good idea. Emma and Liam developed a cordial relationship, but there was just too much history, and dating Liam created a huge divide between Emma and me.
The fight between Emma and I was a slow burn rather than an all-out brawl.
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The tension and anger started when I began spending more time with Liam. He lived close to me, so he would come over to my house many days after school.
I was always nervous about telling Emma I was with him, which led to a lot of white lies and attempted cover-ups. The truth always came out, and my inability to be honest with Emma was the first crack in the foundation of our relationship. When I was unable to be honest with her, she felt that she couldn ' t come to me, either.
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Eventually, neither of us were willing to say what we really felt, which led to more problems down the line. Emma felt she had no choice but to say she was okay with it or risk making me angry and losing my friendship all together. Young and dumb as I was, however, I took her at her word and happily felt that I followed all the necessary steps to have an Emma-approved relationship with Liam.
But after Liam and I started dating, Emma became distant.
6 questions you should ask if you want to date your ex's friend
We were in the middle of planning a two-month long backpacking trip to South America, had sat down with a travel agent and everything. I was on a four-hour drive by myself, and smack in the middle of it, he called me and dumped me. It was too serious for him, he had never dated anyone else, he felt suffocated.
And there was one other, unspoken reason: All through high school, while he and I were making shy googly eyes at each other, I had a best friend. She and I were eerily similar, but it worked out wonderfully because we had all the same interests. We played on the tennis team together, spent our summers at concerts and country clubs, and most importantly, we took care of each other. She knew my deepest fears and insecurities, and I knew hers; no topic was off-limits, no secrets went unshared. We were best friends, plain and simple. We tried many times to fix it, to patch things up, to be what we once were for each other, but it just never worked.
Somewhere in there, as I was falling more in love with my boyfriend each day and simultaneously dealing with a semi-falling out with my best friend, the two of them began a friendship. It crushed me, from day one, but I did everything in my power to not be envious. After all, at the end of the day, he was my boyfriend.
But slowly, his lies mounted. And when he would go an hour or two without texting me on any given weekday evening, I knew he was busy talking to her.
Is it OK to date your best friend's ex?
After that, it was only a matter of time before he left me and took up with her. It goes without saying that I was devastated. I lived at home with my dad at the time, and had no one to talk to. I threw up daily, basically every time I had a thought about the two of them. Being a girl or really, just a human at all with a broken heart is one of the absolute worst life experiences.
How to Date Your Ex-Boyfriend’s Best Friend
It is hands-down the worst thing that has ever happened to me, and my stomach clenches just remembering what those first several months were like. If it were a normal breakup, and he had left me for some stranger, maybe things would be different. He left me for a girl who is just like me, a girl I knew better than anyone at one point in our lives. The sick, sad irony is that they are the two people I have loved most in my life, and I lost them to each other. Their relationship has moved with lightning-speed, no doubt impelled by the pressure they feel to justify what they did. They moved in together quickly, which required him to move across the country for her; they were engaged soon after.